Limericks Live!

When Isaac Stern picked up his fiddle
Strange but true, it made his dog piddle
The effect on the floor
His mate did deplore

When Isaac Stern picked up his fiddle
Strange but true, it made his dog piddle
The effect on the floor
His mate did deplore
Where it goes from here is a riddle.

I've created the perfect villain

I've created the perfect villain
Except that he sounds like Bob Dylan

I've created the perfect villain
Except that he sounds like Bob Dylan
And with is guitar

I've created the perfect villain
Except that he sounds like Bob Dylan
And with ‘is guitar
He cries “Mwa hahahaaa”

I've created the perfect villain
Except that he sounds like Bob Dylan
And with ‘is guitar
He cries “Mwa hahahaaa”
And looks just like Harold Macmillan.

The fact is, I need a vacation

The fact is, I need a vacation
From work I have dibilitation

The fact is, I need a vacation
From work I have dibilitation
A week in the sun

The fact is, I need a vacation
From work I have dibilitation
A week in the sun
Some rest and some fun

The fact is, I need a vacation
From work I have debilitation
A week in the sun
Some flirting and fun

The fact is, I need a vacation
From work I have debilitation
A week in the sun
Some flirting and fun
But I can’t. I have bad constipation.



The lady was quite unaware

The lady was quite unaware
That around her the men all did stare

The lady was quite unaware
That around her the men all did stare
She was missing three buttons

The lady was quite unaware
That around her the men all did stare
She was missing three buttons
That covered her butt, once

The lady was quite unaware
That around her the men all did stare
She was missing three buttons
That covered her butt, once
But everything else was quite bare


The headmistress was really quite loquacious

The headmistress was really quite loquacious
And her small talk was often salacious

The headmistress was really quite loquacious
And her small talk was often salacious
her students were quite attentive

The headmistress was really quite loquacious
And her small talk was often salacious
her students were quite attentive
To her room they were sent if

The headmistress was really quite loquacious
And her small talk was often salacious
her students were quite attentive
To her room they were sent if
the desire in their eyes was contagious


My teacher called to say she was pregnant

My teacher called to say she was pregnant
Which caused me to choke on my breath mint

My teacher called to say she was pregnant
Which caused me to choke on my breath mint
The cause of my shock

My teacher called to say she was pregnant
Which caused me to choke on my breath mint
The cause of my shock (hmmm,what rhymes with shock and is related to pregnancy...)
Was that her chastity lock (phew)

My teacher called to say she was pregnant
Which caused me to choke on my breath mint
The cause of my shock (hmmm,what rhymes with shock and is related to pregnancy...)
Was that her chastity lock (phew)
Had not been a sufficient deterrent.

(BTW, the Rev apologizes for insinuating Paul has bad breath - line 2)

Now his teacher is asking for money

Now his teacher is asking for money
but what's really quite funny



Rev - I didn't notice - til now.

Paul said:

Rev - I didn't notice - til now.

Click to expand...

Well, the rest of us have noticed. I'm just sayin'.