Rhino-skin. Do you have it?

My skin seems to be getting thicker as time goes on. Since I'm harder on myself than anyone else could be, it's hard trying not to beat my own self up. I tend to have a long memory so I allow myself a few days to bathe in self pity. Then I have to kick myself in the butt and pick up the pen and start over again. Being here and seeing so many others going through the same painful process also helps ease the pain of rejection. Hopefully one day soon my skin will be bullet proof.

Dammit!!! Something weird's happening here!! First, it was a triple post and then all got deleted and merged into one. Or something like that. *eyes can of beer* Uh... at least I think that's what happened.

Anyway, I'm very sensitive about criticism, but I've always been able to tough it out. That, and my short memory. Oh, and beer. That helps too.

Ah, criticism. I have had so many things happen in my life that were far worse than a bad review or harsh criticism that both scarcely bother me anymore. If I get a harsh review of some sort I immediately think, "Well, at least it wasn't such-and-such that happened before," and go on with my day.

I am pretty thin skinned when it comes to criticism. I have to really make sure I'm ready for it before I post on SYW. According to my husband, BTW, I might as well not even have any skin, it's so transparent!

But that disappears when something's published. I hate sharing stories and novels with people before they're published, but after someone puts that stamp of approval on it-- BAM, GOOD ENOUGH TO PRINT-- I could care less what anyone has to say about it. You think my story sucks? Good for you. Your opinion means jack because IT'S IN PRINT. No matter what anyone says, you can't deny that. It's validation enough for me.

Let's be honest, you work hard, you pour your emotions into the work and at the end you might be tired but you've accomplished something that you hope speaks to others. And then you get the feedback. It was poor. I didn't get it. I didn't care. It didn't hook me. You stink, you talentless hack.

How do YOU deal with that?

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To be honest, I’ve never really had a problem with it. As a matter of fact, I prefer harsh criticism. To me it’s like training to fight. I want to train against the toughest, hardest, meanest SOB around because in my mind’s eye, that’s the only way I’ll be able to improve my game.

Ideally, when I’m done I want my piece to be able to bounce off anything and still stand true, like a diamond.

I want an editor, agent or publisher to take it between their teeth, clamp down on it, make a face when it doesn’t yield to their bite and then remove it from their mouth. I want them to look at it and smile.

Of course, it also depends on who’s doing the critting/commenting. Some sources I’ll ignore because in the end, it’s my call and also because sometimes it’s a subjective thing or they’re clearly inexperienced.

But even the harshest comment from the most revered source (and I’m extremely harsh myself on my own work) will only give me cause to pause and re-examine my work – like a craftsman with a piece of work he twists in the light, seeking out the flaws and imperfections and wondering how best to bring out the sheen of the natural beauty within.

I don't take myself too seriously.

Plus, I worked as an advertising creative director for years. I had far more work rejected than accepted on a daily basis, and dealt with all kinds of critical people--that's just the way it is. Definitely not a biz for the faint of heart.

It's kind of like dating... the rejections make you feel lousy, but after a while, when you have more numbers than you can put inside your wallet or women trying to call you at odd hours hoping for a booty call... you kind of forget about the few that dissed you. Now, if it's one you really want, and she ditched you, that would really sting. But life goes on, and you know "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me..."

I've been fortunate so far I guess. I've been rejected plenty of times but never had my work (or, by association, myself) roundly criticized - by experts that is.

Occasionally, in my teens and early 20s, I'd show my best friend something I'd written. He'd glance at it and contemptuously pronounce it crap. I was pretty sure he was kidding. But not positive. I mean, how could I be positive? Just because I'd been chosen to write newsy school bits for the local newspaper didn't mean I really had chops. Maybe it was a fluke, or I was a teacher's pet. (As if!)

Anyway, I decided maybe I'd best sell something to shut him up. That's when I started getting serious and began submitting.

And getting rejected.

Most personalized rejections contained elements of encouragement. Like all of us early in the game, I treasured those.

The form rejections I simply assumed were a bad fit. It happens. Move along. Not so much developing rhino skin I don't think, as it is just accepting reality. You can't please everybody.

But maybe you can please the next one.

I (eventually) did. And when I showed my buddy the cheque I think he was as happy as I was.

If you have some talent and work hard at improving it, study the markets and submit to likely ones - your success, as measured by publication, is inevitable.

If you live long enough.

I've never had anything reviewed (not published in novel-length fiction yet), but I've been critiqued. At first, I was horrified and thought life was over, but now I'm a little better about it. I try to use it as a learning experience, though I'll still probably cry and use the little 'crit and rejection dolls' I keep locked in an old case. If I ever get published, I'll have to get some 'review dolls' to go with them.

My skin is tougher than it was, but still wounds easily.

Rhino

Well, I never let anyone other than agent/editor read my fiction before it's published. Can't think of a reason why I would. I'm not going to listen to anything non-agents/editors say, anyway, and unless they can do what I'm doing better than I can, they need to wait for the published piece. Then they can complain all they want.

And as far as I know, I've never had a review that I'd call bad, but I gave up reading then after my first novel was published. There's nothing I can do about what's in a review, and as someone said, if you believe the good, you're morally bound to believe the bad, as well. So I just ignore them.

I do not write to please anyone else. It's great when my writing does please others, and fan letters thrill me to death, but I honestly do not care what anyone else thinks of what I write.

No matter what they think, I'm doing the best I can do, writing as well as a I can, and if this isn't enough, tough titty. Let's see you do better.

maestrowork said:

p.s. I don't respond to bad reviews. What's the point, really? I just secretly send them boxes of Brown Recluse spiders.

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Or, if you don't want to go to jail for as long, you could just send them a nice new sweater you've rubbed with poison ivy.

I have pretty thick skin, but only one critique really got to me. "Your writing is like rotten fish: you can smell it coming and the stink lingers long after it's gone."

It made Christmas that year pretty awkward; Mom and I hardly spoke.

No reviews yet, but several years ago, I got stung by critiques. It sucked, but so did my writing. I haven't had anything critiqued lately, but that's because I haven't been producing.

I'd like to think I could take it as well as I can dish it out.

Things like you suck or my four year old writes better than you or things of that nature mean absolutely nothing to me. I'm not even sure if I would find it offensive and be hurt about it. It's not going to help me, that's for sure. If it was just one or two people, then I wouldn't let it bother me. It's all subjective. On the other hand, if I had 35 reviews and all of them were bad, I would grab a bottle of vodka and crawl under the house. That would hurt.

But, I can handle constructive criticism. If someone says, this passage isn't working because... or this doesn't really make sense so maybe you could try... that I would like. Sure, it may sting a little because I'll take it personally (like I do most things) but more than likely it will help me see things differently and possibly make my work better and the end result, if it's good, will help heal the little jabs.

I hope I answered the question.

Alright, this doesn't apply to writing, but I believe it fits the topic.

I used to have wet paper bag skin. Breathe on me hard enough and I'd fall to pieces.

Then I started taking leadership positions in online games. My hide is now so thick I'm a freakin' blubbery whale.

Sounds silly, doesn't it?

Except as a group (guild) leader in online games, every one of your moves is questioned. People read what isn't between the lines. They look for consipiracies. They second guess every decision you make that has the teeniest impact on their daily game activities. Suddenly, because you have power over them, they view you as some sort of person who would kick them from the guild for saying you have a booger hanging out of your nose, regardless of how nice you were before you became leadership. If you disagree with them it means they got yelled at. You answer a question and they don't like the answer, it means you blew them off. Over issues in a virtual world! It's insane. I had to toughen up pretty quick or risk my sanity.

When I became more active in my writing and wandered over here to AW, I was treated with an adult area where I could have intelligent, (somewhat) calm debates with people and not have them think the world was over because I might disagree. I enjoyed seeing people who weren't afraid to express their opinion for fear of retribution. I loved seeing sarcastic remarks be laughed at and returned in kind rather than taken literally. And reading over the crits in the SYW forum has let me see exactly what I can expect from any future agents/editors/readers. I view crits as a challenge to improve myself, not as a broad "you suck so stop writing" statement.

I've learned to accept that not everyone will like what I do/write. I've learned to tell the difference between constructive criticism and an emotional rant. Honestly, it's not worth getting all worked up over. Life's too short for that crap. I have my down days for sure, but I don't let them rule my life.

So what would I do if readers gave me a scathing review? Skim for the useful bits and ignore the rest. I might be depressed for a day or two but I'd get over it.

I've never gotten a completely bad review from readers...I've gotten suggestions to improve certain areas, etc...but no kick in the teeth as of yet. I will let you know . I'm sure it's bound to happen sooner rather than later.

Given that I think I'm a hack who should give up writing, I take almost all negative opinions/reviews as constructive criticism and look for ways to improve/go in new directions in the future. Of course there are always the "screw you" moments, when it's completely uncalled for/irrelevant.

The only time a negative opinion has really, really hurt me was when I was (don't hurt me now...) writing fanfic. I had a couple of co-writers for a series I was doing, and thought everything was wonderful.

At college one day, a friend of mine was talking to one of my co-writers, whom I will call "Z". They were having a convo, and I was occasionally glancing over (my MSN was screwy, otherwise I would have been joining in). Z asked if I was around, and my friend said no.

Z launched into a tirade about how much she didn't like my work, how better she was than me, how unhappy she was with the direction of the series, how she should be in charge, and how much like a 4th grader my writing was.

Up until this point, I'd never suspected - I went outside and punched a downpipe.

My skin got a lot thicker after that.