The "I'm sorry" thread

...perhaps you shouldn't have tested it by trying to cook a can of soup, unopened.

I'm sorry I told the police you were the murderer, especially since it turned out I was wrong, but...

...you can't complain about getting setenced to 20 years of good food, excercise and companionship.

I'm sorry for pointing at you and yelling "He's got a gun!" at the airport security checkpoint, but...

...luckily no one fell for the red herring. In future, I can well do without your mocking apology.

I'm sorry you spent a fortune on trying to track down the Yeti, but...

...why on earth did you think you'd find it near Loch Ness?

I'm sorry someone took your bike and left a post-it note in it's place, thanking you for your understanding, but...

...why on earth did you dork (sorry!) leave a post-it note on the saddle 'Don't nick, K.L.Bennett's!!!'?
I'm sory my spell schecker is kurrently out off order, but...

...I nevver youse it anyways.

I'm sorry I called you an unmitigated, lying, disreputable, ignominious, repellent, disgusting, vicious, contemptible fool, but...

you shouldn't have spelled out those Anglo Saxon words in my yard with toilet paper.
I'm sorry I dyed your dog blue but

...thanks anyway--other dog owners turned green with envy.

I'm sorry I told you in front of your grandchildren to be a dirty old bastard, but...

...since they told me you were a dirty old bastard first, it didn't make much difference.

I'm sorry I borrowed your credit card and used it to pay for a trip around the world, but...

...I had only 'borrowed' it myself. But I do hope, travelling has broadened your horizon a little.

I'm sorry to have called your wife mademoiselle Smith, but...

...I-I was lonely and you actually said "Have at her" when you left...or maybe I heard that wrong, but you owed me big time anyway, buddy!


I'm sorry for the confrontation, but...

...your apology is rejected: In my book, confrontation and assault are two different entities.

I'm sorry to hear you slept in your neighbour's flower bed, but...

...it's a shame you didn't realize it was his experimental garden for flesh-eating plants.

I'm sorry that new toothpaste made all your teeth fall out, but...

...if I were you, I'd find a good solicitor. I'm sure s/he'll make a bundle from it.

I'm sorry my long posts use up a lot of server space, but...

i plan to subscribe when i get my first big royalty check.

i'm sorry that your Guy Fawks mask was not the party hit that you thought it would be but...

...that was no reason for them to put you on the bonfire.

I'm sorry I lied when I told you I was a dentist, but...

...I'd also like to take this moment to make a confession: The toothpaste I gave to you the other day...

I'm sorry your mike didn't work at the panel discussion, but...

you should not eat oyster crackers and then try to sing "volare" into a mic. nobody likes your singing anyway.

i am sorry that your buttocks have taken on a whippet -like slimness but

...you'll get used to being called "cracker-ass" after a while.

I'm sorry you woke up this morning and found that your nose had turned green, but...

...at least I know what caused it: Cheap moonshine.

I'm sorry you think that only crack abusers are cracking up, but...

pull up your pants, you're cracking.

i'm sorry that your boat is stranded in pago pago because of a cholera epidemic and miss sadie thompson is flaunting her saucy self in your face but...

...I repaired my boat alright.

I'm sorry I lied to you when I said that all roads to Wasilla (Alaska) were blocked, but...

...I didn't want my tryst with Sarah Palin to become public.

I'm sorry I invited you for dinner and served you nothing but peanuts, but...

the whale blubber pudding stuck to the pan

i'm sorry that quinn the eskimo beat you to sarah but

don't you like watching him jump for joy?
I'm sorry I sent you that subscription to Naked Alligators but