Forget 2012! Proof the End Times are here now!

Bourbon Street · Oct 19, 2007

Those of us who put a lot of queries out also tend to get a lot of rejections - it just comes with the territory (except, of course, for you S.O.B's who get accepted right away after sending just 1 or 2 - but I'll deal with you later!).

So the gamut runs from personal letters to form letters to tiny little scraps of paper with a boilerplate, anonymous rejection, to - my favorite of all - "We're too freakin' cheap to spring for our own paper so we'll just write 'No thanks' across the top of your query and mail it back to you"!

Man, do you suck! Like your agency couldn't afford the 5 buck$ it would cost to print a few hundred index cards with your letterhead and "no thanks, not right for us at this time" on them!

But at least, I thought, at least this forces them to actually write something on the letter when they return it. HaHa, take that you lazy bastardos!

Unless...no, that would never happen...no, it's just too implausible...unless...unless...they got something like a rubber stamp and just stamped a form rejection on your query before returning it to you?

NAWWWWW! No way. No legitimate, self-respecting agency would ever stoop so low or be that cheap, that lazy, that pathetic! No way, never gonna happen.

Well...IT HAPPENED!!! Just received one of my SASE's back with only my query letter inside with the following freakin' rubber-stamped message: "Please Pardon The Informality But To Speed Our Reply We Have Answered On Your Own Letter [NAME REDACTED] LITERARY AGENCY"

(but you know who you are, oh praepositus ignotus, and you suck! You hear me? YOU SUCK!)

Sighhhhhhhhh.

'Hey, why are we in this basket and why does it smell like brimstone?'

WendyNYC · Oct 19, 2007

In another rejection thread, Maryn said she got this one:

NOT FOR US
AT THIS TIME

JoNightshade · Oct 19, 2007

Can't say I've got the stamped one yet. I have gotten replies written on my own query. I don't really mind, since it's usually handwritten, so they exerted some effort.

CaroGirl · Oct 19, 2007

Meh. No means no. If they aren't going to give me any constructive criticism anyway, what do I care?

It does feel insulting, but I'd rather hear no quickly than keep my hopes up for longer than is necessary.

Azraelsbane · Oct 19, 2007

CaroGirl said:
Meh. No means no. If they aren't going to give me any constructive criticism anyway, what do I care?

It does feel insulting, but I'd rather hear no quickly than keep my hopes up for longer than is necessary.

Agreed, though if they rigged an envelope to spit on me when I opened it, I think that'd be reason to be pissed. I'm waiting for that. Really.

Just Me 2021 · Oct 20, 2007

From now on, I'm going to hold SASEs as far away from me as I can when I open them....

Pike · Oct 20, 2007

Are you sure that you're sending out your querries to respectible agencies and not kidergarten classes throughout America? What's next - no thanks scrawled out in pink crayon? Man, Bourbon, it's time to enjoy your namesake and plan some replies to these ass-kicking rejections. Maybe a rubber stamp denouncing their credibility or legitimacy as members of the human race. KC Potatoehead (Kevvers) started a thread on rejectio replies. Worth a shot?

Pike

Monkey · Oct 20, 2007

Dude. That is the harshest way to be rejected that I've heard of so far, and it really, *really* sucks.

On the other hand, when the answer is no, it doesn't completely matter how they phrase it. Anything other than the word "No" is a nicety. And personally, I do E-queries a lot...those people can just hit a nice little button and I'm sent the infamous "Dear Author" rejection. No more effort than a rubber stamp.

Best not to worry over *how* you were told no...just file it under "Didn't work out" and move on. I once read that Jack London received 600 rejection slips before selling his first story. I bet you're not to 600 yet, and if you ever do as well as Jack London, you'll be a lucky man.

Azraelsbane · Oct 20, 2007

Be careful on replying to rejections. These agents know each other. They talk. More important, they blacklist. Just bitch to your friends about it if you need to, but I'd refrain from sending a snotty reply. As for bad rejects, I don't think this is the worst. I was talking with a friend the other day who got a query letter back with an X through it and "Nope" written at the top.

Jamesaritchie · Oct 20, 2007

Stamps

Stamped rejections used to be a lot more common before everyone had home computers and printers. Brings nostalgic tears to my eyes, it does.

A scribbled "No, thanks." right on the first page of the manuscript used to be pretty common in those days, too.

Ah, the good old days.

Voyager · Oct 20, 2007

Azraelsbane said:
Be careful on replying to rejections. These agents know each other. They talk. More important, they blacklist. Just bitch to your friends about it if you need to, but I'd refrain from sending a snotty reply. As for bad rejects, I don't think this is the worst. I was talking with a friend the other day who got a query letter back with an X through it and "Nope" written at the top.

That one was mine

weeeeeeee. And...and, it was initialed. Yes it was a reputable agency and in my ever so diplomatice head, I think maybe the assistant accidentally stuck that in the SASE instead of the form letter. Or maybe the agent, a male if that's at all relevant, just needed a hug.

Bourbon Street · Oct 20, 2007

You people are way too complacent. Where's the righteous indignation?! Come on, fellow villagers, gather your pitchforks and torches and let's march on the castle!

But seriously, even writing "no thanks" on the query by hand requires effort and is - to a tiny extent - personal. But a stamp is just, IMHO, lazy and rude. And why should we, as writers, demurely put up with rude and lazy from people who make their living, ultimately, off of us?

Think of it from this angle: say I get tired of all the rejections and go the route of just submitting directly to publishers, and say one of them offers a nice contract. So I decide I had better get an agent now and I pick up the phone. Who am I going to call? The agent who rejected me but did it like a decent, caring professional, or the lazy, rude sot?

Seems to me they're really only hurting themselves, in the long run.

aadams73 · Oct 20, 2007

Maybe I've been around the block one too many times or something, because a stamped rejection wouldn't bother me much. It is kind of funny though

In fact the only rejection that has ever pissed me off is a smallish card one popular agent sends out, that reads something along the lines of: "this is nothing I care to work with." The wording is rude imho.

Voyager · Oct 20, 2007

Bourbon Street said:
You people are way too complacent. Where's the righteous indignation?! Come on, fellow villagers, gather your pitchforks and torches and let's march on the castle!

But seriously, even writing "no thanks" on the query by hand requires effort and is - to a tiny extent - personal. But a stamp is just, IMHO, lazy and rude.

I would have settled for the stamp :Shrug:

Azraelsbane · Oct 20, 2007

Bourbon Street said:
Think of it from this angle: say I get tired of all the rejections and go the route of just submitting directly to publishers, and say one of them offers a nice contract. So I decide I had better get an agent now and I pick up the phone. Who am I going to call? The agent who rejected me but did it like a decent, caring professional, or the lazy, rude sot?

Seems to me they're really only hurting themselves, in the long run.

Chances are if it was a big agency, they wouldn't care one way or another. What you think of as a nice contract directly from a publisher is probably peanuts to them. I'm not saying this to be mean, but I don't think large agencies feel they're losing anything big when it comes to this kind of thing, otherwise they'd be a lot more concerned about the slush pile.

Sure this is frustrating, I know. Hell, I got an e-mail reject in the same minute I sent it out a couple weeks ago. All I can say is the first paragraph of my query must have been pretty horrible if I got a form reject before my browser even had the chance to refresh.

Gotta suck it up and deal. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

sunna · Oct 20, 2007

I'm personally waiting for agencies to come up The Howler: a big red envelope that bursts into flame and screams at you.

Well, now that I think about it, that might actually be sorta fun. It would certainly make getting the mail more interesting.

Gotta agree with Az: brush it off. Not worth getting upset over. They don't mean to be rude by it.

You can gloat later on over their regret, when you're fending off your fans, announcing the next in the series on CNN, and negotiating movie rights.

Monkey · Oct 20, 2007

Azraelsbane said:
I was talking with a friend the other day who got a query letter back with an X through it and "Nope" written at the top.

Ok, so *that* is now the worst rejection I've heard of.

How freakin' rude can you get? I would have cried, then gotten angry...then...then...had to get over it and move on. 'Cause that's what successful writers do. We keep at it, no matter what kind of crap we find ourselves up against.

Everyone who's put their 2 cents into this thread so far - and especially you, Voyager - sounds like they have the kind of perseverance it takes to make it in this profession. And that's why I love AW. The writers here are the real deal.

Take heart, Bourbon Street. We've pretty much all been there, or will be there soon. Those that don't give in - win.

Julie Worth · Oct 20, 2007

Bourbon Street said:
Well...IT HAPPENED!!! Just received one of my SASE's back with only my query letter inside with the following freakin' rubber-stamped message: "Please Pardon The Informality But To Speed Our Reply We Have Answered On Your Own Letter [NAME REDACTED] LITERARY AGENCY"

(but you know who you are, oh praepositus ignotus, and you suck! You hear me? YOU SUCK!)

Yep, I got one of those from Susan Schulman recently. I hope the assistant who had this brilliant idea gets carpal tunnel.

blacbird · Oct 20, 2007

Come on, people, the worst thing, surely, is to receive no response at all, not even your empty SASE back. Which has become my most common experience.

caw

Voyager · Oct 20, 2007

Monkey said:
Ok, so *that* is now the worst rejection I've heard of.

How freakin' rude can you get? I would have cried, then gotten angry...then...then...had to get over it and move on. 'Cause that's what successful writers do. We keep at it, no matter what kind of crap we find ourselves up against.

Everyone who's put their 2 cents into this thread so far - and especially you, Voyager - sounds like they have the kind of perseverance it takes to make it in this profession. And that's why I love AW. The writers here are the real deal.

Take heart, Bourbon Street. We've pretty much all been there, or will be there soon. Those that don't give in - win.

Actually, I wasn't upset at all. I still don't get upset by rejection letters. I get excited cuz they make me feel like, woohoo, I'm a writer! And blacbird, I sent out about fifty queries, there are still at least a dozen I haven't heard back from. You're right, that does bug me. But a rejection? Nevah!

donroc · Oct 20, 2007

All NOs are NOs. And we do not know who really reads the queries at the other end. Instead of an all-wise and kindly agent/sub-agent, the reader may be an immature intern with little frame of reference, a stoner, a drunk, a wannabe writer envious of all others, the cleaning lady, an untalented relation, and so on.

www.donaldmichaelplatt.com

Jamesaritchie · Oct 20, 2007

Bourbon Street said:
You people are way too complacent. Where's the righteous indignation?! Come on, fellow villagers, gather your pitchforks and torches and let's march on the castle!

But seriously, even writing "no thanks" on the query by hand requires effort and is - to a tiny extent - personal. But a stamp is just, IMHO, lazy and rude. And why should we, as writers, demurely put up with rude and lazy from people who make their living, ultimately, off of us?

Think of it from this angle: say I get tired of all the rejections and go the route of just submitting directly to publishers, and say one of them offers a nice contract. So I decide I had better get an agent now and I pick up the phone. Who am I going to call? The agent who rejected me but did it like a decent, caring professional, or the lazy, rude sot?

Seems to me they're really only hurting themselves, in the long run.

Should this happen, you'll be fortunate beyond belief. And the agent will be old and gray and retired before she has to worry about it.

Agents really don't make money off writers they reject, no matter how they reject them.

Nothing wrong with a stamp. What do you think the form rejections are that 99% of agents and editors use? They just something an assistant to an assistant typed up, and the printer then spits out a few hundred. The agent grabs one from a stack, and about as often as not doesn't even know what it says. She didn't write it, doesn't read it, doesn't care.

Printers now make form rejections look nicer than stamped ones, but they're really the same thing.

Who cares? A no is a no. There's too little time, and the mountains of junk are way too high, to worry about trying to soothe feelings. When an agent says no, you move on, whether that no comes in the form of a stamped rejection, a scribbled "No, thanks" on the manuscript itself, a form rejection, or a handwritten letter telling all sorts of lies about how great your writing is.

Shades of Humanity · Oct 20, 2007

I'm opening up my own publishing company soley to think up of creative rejection letters. In fact, the overhead will be really low. I wouldn't be printing anything.

Bourbon - do you have any of your work on SYW?

Pike · Oct 20, 2007

Azraelsbane said:
Be careful on replying to rejections. These agents know each other. They talk. More important, they blacklist. Just bitch to your friends about it if you need to, but I'd refrain from sending a snotty reply. As for bad rejects, I don't think this is the worst. I was talking with a friend the other day who got a query letter back with an X through it and "Nope" written at the top.

Agreed. I'm sure everyone here knows that this was a big ole venting session.

Julie Worth said:
Yep, I got one of those from Susan Schulman recently. I hope the assistant who had this brilliant idea gets carpal tunnel.

LMFAO! Hell hath no fury like a writer scorned.

Pike

blacbird · Oct 20, 2007

Azraelsbane said:
These agents know each other. They talk. More important, they blacklist.

I'm doomed.

caw

Forget 2012! Proof the End Times are here now!

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