The Girlie Thread

sassandgroove

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I gotta stop asking for advice and explaining my situation.

Everyone always tells me to run and I'm not strong enough to do that.

And then everyone hates me because I continue to let him do this to me.

Then I lose friends.
Eskimo hon- if EVERYONE is telling you the same thing, don't you think maybe there is a reason? If you want to keep going through this, then fine, but if it has been 5 times and he still does it, maybe it is time to realize he is not going to change. No one hates you, it's just like Story Girl & Blondchen said, it is hard to see someone you care about get hurt and after 5 times it can get harder to deal with.

BE STRONG! You are worth it!
 

jennifer75

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Working things out for them always means getting back together. Always.
I've been through this....maybe 5 or 6 times. He's always gone back to her.

Ok....................................................................................there are at least two things in that post that scream MOVE ON ESKIMO....

Can ya fnd them??? :)
 

jennifer75

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You deserve better. If he keeps going back to her, then let him and don't take him back when he comes back to you. Trust me on this, there is someone out there better who will want you and only you. You are not a consulation prize, you are THE prize.

Think of it this way...

when you do get past him, and you will, you're setting the rules now for what you'll allow later in life. Do you want to go through this again? If you accept and tolerate it now, you'll continue.
 

Eskimo1990

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Okay he's not my man yet...but we're getting close :) Oh and our relationship is mostly computer based for now lol

-He is always able to make me laugh.
-He always knows when something is wrong with me and is quick to apologize sometimes when he hasn't even done anything wrong.
-He can make me smile even when I don't feel like smiling.
-He calls me babe and baby all the time :)
-He cares about me a lot
-He's one of the sweetest guys I know.
-He's really cute :)
-He thinks I'm beautiful and reminds me that I'm beautiful often
-He sends me hugs all the time. :)

I could go on and on but I won't cause it's time for me to go to bed and dream about him :)

I can't leave. I'm not strong enough to leave. Above is the post I posted in the My man is great because thread.

He is a good guy. He's really sweet too...
 

ACEnders

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Eskimo - I'm not sure what else to tell you honey. I'm really not. That's really great that he does and says all those things to you, but he's not a great guy if he's doing and saying them all for someone else also!!!

Girls, I'm heading out here in a minute. Have a good night!
 

StoryG27

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Eskimo, that is nothing special. There are many guys out there who could match and exceed that list and not be an ass the rest of the time. He's a charmer, and he's using you, and it sucks because you're too young and too lovestruck to see that you are too good for him.


ACE have fun and be good!



BTW, I didn't quit. I'm actually at work, working. I still plan on it, but the person I need to talk to had to leave, so I scheduled an appointment to talk with my CEO on Wednesday. So now it looks like that'll be quitting time, I think.
 

sassandgroove

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I can't leave. I'm not strong enough to leave. Above is the post I posted in the My man is great because thread.

He is a good guy. He's really sweet too...
If you can find someone like this that has another girl and treats you badly, you can find someone like this that only wants you.

You are strong enough. It is better to be alone than to be with someone because, "you aren't strong enough to leave." You are making excuses because it is hard to confront the issue. BUt the only way to improve things is to confront the issue. In the long run it is harder to stay with a guy who isn't worthy of your love.

It all comes down to how much you value yourself. How many times can we tell you that you are worthy and deserve better?
 

jennifer75

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-He is always able to make me laugh.

Lots of people will be able to make you laugh. You aren't meeting them because you're on the computer chatting with this guy all the time. Which by the way, things are a lot easier to type, than say.

-He always knows when something is wrong with me and is quick to apologize sometimes when he hasn't even done anything wrong.

He probably senses you are on to his game and is apologizing for it. In some crazy wierd way. :p

-He can make me smile even when I don't feel like smiling.

So could I, I bet, if I tried to.


-He calls me babe and baby all the time

Shit, I'll call you babe. Baby. Hottstuff. Sugar plum. Sweet cheeks. Cutie Pie. What ever you want. And so will he, because he knows it's what you want to hear.

-He cares about me a lot

So do your family, and friends.

-He's one of the sweetest guys I know.

Key words "one of" there are others even better.

-He's really cute

cough cough..... Kidding. Personally, I think you can do better. Did I just say that outloud?

-He thinks I'm beautiful and reminds me that I'm beautiful often

I think you are beautiful. And I'll remind you every day, if you ditch this dirtbag.

-He sends me hugs all the time.

Does he hug you, physically, and say these things? Cause that cute little yellow smilie man is a great little gesture, but it's not real.
Again, those are not hugs.
 

StoryG27

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Eskimo, I hope you do take this time to sort yourself out, I think you'll be surprised how good you really are and how short you've sold yourself. My opinion is blunt, I know, but remember it's only my opinion.


Well girlies, I'm off to do some errands and such.
 

sassandgroove

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Oh I didn't really read the list.

He calls you babe? Hell - men do that all the time so they don't have to remember your name. I know that sounds harsh, but it's true.

Did you read the rest of that thread. There are some real men in there that go beyond charming and funny, and are caring and kind and worth all this effort. go back and read it. COmpare your list to the married women, especially the ones whohave an EX and now have Mr. Right.
 

Blondchen

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Now here's a really, really interesting question. Eskimo, you're 17 or 18, right? Still in high school maybe? Is HE still in high school too or is he out? Cuz it's a whole different world of hurt if he's no longer in high school...
 

James81

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I understand how you feel Eskimo.

It's hard to walk away when you are in the midst of it. From us, standing outside, it's so clear and easy to tell you to move on. But the truth is that when you find yourself in that situation it's ridiculously hard to walk away.

I'm not sure it has to do with low self esteem or anything. I just think that you have grown major feelings for this guy and you feel like you aren't strong enough to walk away.

You want my advice? STAY. Keep going back to him. No that's not reverse psychology. The truth is that when you are ready to move on, when you've had enough hurt and pain and anger and frustration you WILL move on. At some point the pain of leaving him will be LESS than the pain of staying and going back to him. When that point comes, no matter how much it hurts, you'll do the right thing.

Until then, however, I ask you to instead look at it with fresh eyes. What is this guy teaching you about yourself? How is this relationship making you grow? What are you getting out of this? Answer those questions for yourself and you will find it easier to cope when the time comes.
 

Tink

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Hey all. I have been reading the posts here and trying to catch up...but first let me tell ya'll that the doc. appt. wasn't great but it wasn't all bad either. I do not have to have surgery at this time. I agreed to take it easy and be more careful and for now, all is ok so thank ya'll again for the prayers and support.

Now, eMo, what is up with you? Look this is the place to discuss your problems but you have to know that the gals in here are gonna be honest with you because they DO CARE!! I CARE! Most of us has either done the same thing you are doing now or has witnessed folks that have or are going thru a similar situation. Only you can decide what you are going to do in your situation but don't stop posting because you are afraid of losing a friend, K?! We might give you some straight-up, hard to take advice but that doesn't mean you have to take it...it is all on you. Personally, I think you should move on and widen your circle. You are too young to be tied to such a sad situation, to a person that is jumping back and forth between you and another girl. What if you stay in a relationship with this guy or get into another one with this kind of guy and say you wind up getting married, have some babies and then HE decides he has made the wrong choice again and leaves you then...What Kind of Pain Do You See Yourself suffering then? It will be ten times worse than now, I know, I was 17 once and I set myself up for a bad relationship and it ended in disaster and I wish to God that I would have listened to older, wiser folks back then...but there it is...17!!! What a rough age---to young to be a grown woman, to old to be a little girl!!!
You are at difficult time in your life but you can do the right thing. Don't set yourself up for a lifetime of crappy relationships with crappy people who DO NOT DESERVE YOU because that is where you are heading now by allowing this guy to play yoyo with you....I will try to explain this as best as I can. You are young. You are making the wrong decisions based on whatever reasons you are basing them on and I have to agree with what Captshady said, It truely sounds like you do not think enough of yourself to stop this guy from using you...You need to put your foot down and say that is It!!! I have Had IT!!! It is either me or there isn't going to be a ME in your life anymore and stick to your guns!

Don't let a few lonely days go by and let him back in either because you got lonely or you are afraid you won't find anyone else because, believe me, there is someone else out there for you. You should never settle for the lesser of the known evils here---Got someone who is treating me like Shit or I don't have anyone and I am alone.(I think no, I will bet that the alone is the greater known evil for you right now, isn't it?) Take the alone (which only means without this particular guy), go out with girlfriends, hang out with your family, go to church, go to the park and hang out...I bet if you hold out long enough you will see you are not alone and that after the initial pain is over with you will be alot more happier and alot more relaxed than you are now with out the yoyo bouncing in and out of your life. You do not have to have a guy in your life to make your life complete. You are you and no man is going to complete you, You have to do that yourself. Yes, it is nice to have a guy in your life but only if he is making you happy the biggest part of the time and not making you miserable the biggest part of the time.

Girl, step up and take responsibility for who you are and for your own happiness and quit letting someone else have that kind of control over you.
I am usually not so forceful in my advice but I am afraid for you. You are like a young me...and that ain't worth a damn. Take action now and don't wait until ten yrs. of your young life is gone before you decide to step up and make your own happiness! DO IT NOW!!!!
 

Blondchen

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I'm 17. I turn 18 in 6 months. He's 21.

Pardon my language but...

Get the fuck out of there. Run, run, run away.

I'm sorry but any 21 year old engaging in online flirtation with a 17 year old high school girl is a disaster. Everyone he knows should be completely creeped out about it if they knew. I don't care if you are the most mature 17 year old since the Dalai Lama, its completely, totally, mindbogglingly inappropriate!
 

James81

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Pardon my language but...

Get the fuck out of there. Run, run, run away.

I'm sorry but any 21 year old engaging in online flirtation with a 17 year old high school girl is a disaster. Everyone he knows should be completely creeped out about it if they knew. I don't care if you are the most mature 17 year old since the Dalai Lama, its completely, totally, mindbogglingly inappropriate!

Why are you all trying to tell her what she should and should not do based off of some posts on a message board?

I think our "jobs" here should be to just be support when she's feeling down or to offer words of encouragement rather than tell her to "get the fuck out of there".

Nobody EVER listens to that advice, simply because people have to figure that out for themselves. Just like people have to fix themselves when they destroy their lives, and have to save themselves when they are in trouble.

I assert that Eskimo should continue doing what she's doing. Keep going back. Keep getting hurt by this guy. You NEED to be pushed to your limit and the maximum pain because it's that pain that will not only cause you to leave, but it will keep you away.
 

StoryG27

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Hey all. I have been reading the posts here and trying to catch up...but first let me tell ya'll that the doc. appt. wasn't great but it wasn't all bad either. I do not have to have surgery at this time. I agreed to take it easy and be more careful and for now, all is ok so thank ya'll again for the prayers and support.
Oh thank you. I have been worried. Be careful, take it easy. If I was closer, I would so demand you let me wait on you hand and foot.


Alright, this time I'm really outta here. Got caught up with work last time.

:D
 

Tink

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At some point the pain of leaving him will be LESS than the pain of staying and going back to him. When that point comes, no matter how much it hurts, you'll do the right thing.

Until then, however, I ask you to instead look at it with fresh eyes. What is this guy teaching you about yourself? How is this relationship making you grow? What are you getting out of this? Answer those questions for yourself and you will find it easier to cope when the time comes.
I think James is right here as well, eventually the pain of leaving will be alot less then the pain of staying and you will walk away with hardly any problem. Just don't wait like I did, staying until it was easier to say--I hate you instead of the opposite.

And I also like the questions he posed to you to ask yourself...that was what I was trying to get at in my post even tho I did ramble around it. How is this relationship defining you and your outlook on futher guys/relationships...I hope for the better and not the possibility of the opposite?
 
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Eskimo1990

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I am writing an email to him now.
Then I will probably sign out here and you guys won't see me for awhile.
 

Tink

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Oh thank you. I have been worried. Be careful, take it easy. If I was closer, I would so demand you let me wait on you hand and foot.


Alright, this time I'm really outta here. Got caught up with work last time.

:D
Thank you and don't worry, i am taking it easy. As a matter of fact the doc liked what playing in the pool is doing for me so he ordered me to do alot of playing/swimming...man, you can't beat that can you. So guess where i am heading in a minute...yep the Pool!
I bought supper so I don't even have to cook this evening and Hubby is all for me taking it easy too so---yippee!!! Pool here I come, in a minute or two!!
Read you later girl and Keep your chin up, k? We are a post away if u need us. L&H :)
 

jennifer75

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Why are you all trying to tell her what she should and should not do based off of some posts on a message board?

I think our "jobs" here should be to just be support when she's feeling down or to offer words of encouragement rather than tell her to "get the fuck out of there".

Nobody EVER listens to that advice, simply because people have to figure that out for themselves. Just like people have to fix themselves when they destroy their lives, and have to save themselves when they are in trouble.

I assert that Eskimo should continue doing what she's doing. Keep going back. Keep getting hurt by this guy. You NEED to be pushed to your limit and the maximum pain because it's that pain that will not only cause you to leave, but it will keep you away.

This is true, but knowing how it will end, nobody wants to let her continue with this crap. But yes, you do speak wise words.
 

Tink

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I am writing an email to him now.
Then I will probably sign out here and you guys won't see me for awhile.
Don't you leave us hangin...I will be worried about you even worse then!!! You have to let us know, even if some of us do come down on you hard, you have to know that we want you to be HAPPY and WELL!!!!

Sweetie, do what you need to do. I will be here and so will alot of others, K? I am not judging you as I said earlier, It Is ALL On You and that has nothing to do with me...This is YOUR LIFE!!! Make the Best It can Possibly Be, K?!

Hugs and Love is being sent your way...