The Dastardly Dungeon of Deliciously Devious Drinks

Guys, I can't write a 150 word hook.

Feeling like my MS and myself need to do the beta project this year, but my inability to write a clear, concise hook is making me fear all the potential problems with my MS and I'm freezing up and feeling all the doubt. All the doubt. But seriously, hooks are THE hardest! I wish I could just go do my word count (good scene coming up!), instead, I've spent all day agonizing over every line of this hook (still not finishing even a bad version), finding all the problems and hating everything about my MS. Bhlaaawaaa!!!

Mary Love said:

Guys, I can't write a 150 word hook.

Feeling like my MS and myself need to do the beta project this year, but I my inability to write a clear, concise hook is making me fear all the potentially huge problems with my MS and I'm freezing up and feeling all the doubt. All the doubt. But seriously, hooks are THE hardest! I wish I could just go do my word count (good scene coming up!), instead, I've spent all day agonizing over every line of this hook (still not finishing even a bad version), finding all the problems and hating everything about my MS. Bhlaaawaaa!!!

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Remember that little formula I talked about for loglines the other day? Use that to write a hook. Focus on what the MC wants at the beginning of the story and what obstacle there is to that goal. Flesh it out with details about the character or world that are specific to your MC (don't have to be unique, just not generic). Avoid fancy in-story words and find analogs in more common vocabulary. Work through it on paper with a pencil multiple times. I've written several dozen versions of a hook before.

Also, deep breaths. It's tricky, but not impossible. You are a writer and this is a new skill, telling the story in very few words instead of lots.

I did end up getting words in last night. 1200 on new novella. Decided once I've got the beta notes on novella 1 I'm probably going to have to add about 5K bringing that one up to about 30K The second novella should be around 20K or so. Not exactly sure how long novella 3 will be yet. I'll know more once I start writing that one. Plan is to have the 3 out this summer, then work hard on novel 1. The novellas are prequels of the series. Starting out, these will be Kindle only. Then IF I start gaining a profit, move them to print and maybe other venues.

Mary, perhaps I can simply the hook some for you. Answer Who, What, When, Where and Why.
Who: Main character (may need to mention protagonist but not always)
What: What is the conflict (site plots and secondary story lines)
When: (maybe not necessary) Alternate history or timeline story
Where: Where does this happen at
Why: Why is the main character involved.
Then fill in other information as needed.

So for The Hobbit
Who: Bilbo Baggins
What: Goes on an adventure
When: Before Thorin's Day
Where: In Biddle Earth
Why: To regain the Dwarf's treasure

Hook: Bilbo Baggins, a hobbit, is convinced by the wizard, Gandalf the Grey, to assist a group of Dwarves in reclaiming their treasure.
Would be a really short hook. Just keep filling in information until you reach the 150 word mark.

E.F.B. said:

One of the reasons I love frequenting the Cantina is because of all the things I learn here.

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I'm seconding this with thanks for the advice today ladies. Everyone is always so helpful here!

Mary Love said:

Guys, I can't write a 150 word hook.

Feeling like my MS and myself need to do the beta project this year, but my inability to write a clear, concise hook is making me fear all the potential problems with my MS and I'm freezing up and feeling all the doubt. All the doubt. But seriously, hooks are THE hardest! I wish I could just go do my word count (good scene coming up!), instead, I've spent all day agonizing over every line of this hook (still not finishing even a bad version), finding all the problems and hating everything about my MS. Bhlaaawaaa!!!

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Argh! tha pain! tha misery! I knoweth thy feelz, Mary! My solution was to ask someone who'd read my story to tell me their hooks for it and work from there. Sorta reverse engineering it outta what I was told into something not completely disgusting and worthless, unusable and stupid like what I tried to write by myself was. Also, I did not agonise over it for more than a day, because that would have been maddening. But look on the bright side, you only have two days left to get it done and if you don't do it in time you'll have a whole 'nother YEAR to work on it before you can participate again.... that's a bright side right???

Little Anonymous Me said:

It gets better! You'll be amazed at how sweet fruit suddenly becomes in just a few days. The junk food is the hardest thing for me to completely cut, since my diet is really low fat and those cravings get strong. I've been thinking of doing Whole30 when school gets out, but the whole death to legumes mindset depresses me a bit. I made spicy sweet potato hash with spinach and red cabbage for lunch, and it was really satisfying.

for your poor feet! Please don't laugh but...I'm one of those women that's deathly afraid of arm-workouts. I know I shouldn't be, and there's no logic to it whatsoever, but I look at that corner of the gym and have no idea how anything works, and the men are always being super manly and loud, so I stay in my nice little cardio corner. I'm slowly branching out though!

I'm going to give knee push ups a shot! I looked at different ways to put your feet (mine were flat parallel to the ground, like in cow pose) and I found a cool way where you can stick your feet up. Thank you!

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M'yeah, I used to be a much healthier eater. It's been maybe the past year and a half that has been the downhill slide into some bad habits and...stress eating for the first time in my life due to work/husband needing bubble wrap/other family members needing bubble wrap.

But turning it around, so things are looking up! And I'd never laugh at you, LAM, re strength training. I know how it goes with it being a 'manly' corner sometimes, especially when mine is invaded by the youngins - the high school wrestlers seem to lurk at my favorite spot. The other gym I go to, I just go hit the kickboxing bag until they are done so I can do my routine in peace.

Have you thought about getting someone at the gym just to show you how some of the equipment works? Depending on the place, they are all for educating their members. Or bring along a savvy friend who can show you the ropes and spot you. Or help you out when the, um, equipment breaks and falls on you...not that Winks has ever had that happen to her, of course. Nope. *smell of burning pants fill the cantina*

We had weight lifting in gym in high school so I learned early on how to use most equipment. And there are always YouTube videos to give you a start (just make sure it's a legit trainer and not some moron with a camera).

You could also check out some fitness magazines for ideas - Shape and Women's Fitness come to mind.

E.F.B. said:

@Tiddly, you know one thing I've found that perks up fruit other than sugar? Freshly grated ginger. You should totally try it! (assuming you're not allergic or anything like that...) It doesn't taste great on melons or most berries, but if you have yourself a bowl of fresh oranges, kiwis, apples, and grapes, just grate that ginger right on top and it makes it soooo fresh and bright tasting! I love it!

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ooh, appreciate the thought but I can't stand the taste of ginger. That's ok! I like my fruit plain mostly. Sometimes with a drizzle of honey from the farmers market, if I've made a fruit salad.

Peaches with a touch of cinnamon...mmmm.

I'm actually eating cherries right now. And I cut up fresh pineapple and melon for tomorrow. One day at a time...and making sure I'm not snacking because I'm just growly at work is key.

Thanks for the tips and encouragement. *hands out glittery smibbles as presents*

E.F.B. said:

Hmm. I don't like the sound of that. I loved Bill Nye's kid's show back when that was on when I was growing up, but over the years... I'm not even sure how to put this into words. He seemed like a nice guy on the kid's show and *sometimes* he still does, but it seems like over the years...There's something about his personality that I don't like that much anymore. I don't know if he's just changed with age or he was always like this and just put on a good face for the kids, but...It seems like he's gotten to where sometimes he's a little...meaner on occasion? I'm not even sure that's the right word, but the fact that he would have someone on his current show and then allow them to be bullied by the panel just reinforces that feeling. I mean, I don't even believe in astrology, but what's the point in inviting the man to be on your show's panel if you have no intention of letting him talk? (or if Bill wasn't on the panel himself then he still should have been moderating the panel and kept things fair for everyone.) You don't have to agree with him to show him respect as a human being and respectfully listen to him while he expresses his beliefs. Just IMHO.

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I think the man might be tired of being the one who's always called on to represent science in the face of idiots and just doesn't have the patience for pseudo-science and "sceptics" anymore, but that's still no excuse to bully a guy who says "this is an artform" just because he does something some people hawk as "science". Of course, I don't know if the astrologer is actually a scammer and just tried to look better on TV, but he seemed genuine and was a good sport laughing at his own expense but eventually he started to look uncomfortable and a little beaten, and that's when I turned off. And Bill joined the bullying! When it was one of his guests apparently not comprehending that "performance art" and "science" are two entirely different categories and only one belongs in a lab, then okay, she's a narrow-minded stup, but it just... devolved from there. Sometimes it was just a joke at the astrologer's, or astrology's, expense, but sometimes it was outright calling the guy a charlatan and a cheat.

griffins said:

My brother started watching that show because Karlie Kloss, but stopped because it has too much agenda. His words, not mine. He says science should be about science.

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I know what he means by the agenda. It's especially visible in the GMO episode where they're all pro-GMO and the panel consists of one guy who works for Monsanto, a farmer who uses Monsanto products, and a guy from the USDA. I can give the USDA guy the benefit of the doubt, but the other two are probably biased and I don't trust them not to be, especially not when a major concern regarding GMOs is... Monsanto!

Mary Love said:

Gaaah, I'm falling behind on my writing goals, so what do I do? Sign up for a flash fic challenge. Mary, why?? Guess I was hoping it would lit a fire (you know, other than irritation and panic). There's no stress behind the deadline; no prize or judging. Just for "fun".

Anyway, here's my prompt:

Any ideas for me? (of the less than 1k kind) More random the better!

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Ooh, so much! Night goddess, someone stole the night sky and anthropomorphised it, someone stole a star and is now marked for death (in the most fab way), celestial handjob (WTF brain? What?), demigod, mutant ala X-Men, and finally a person with a disorder that causes them to hallucinate. Or someone on drugs, I suppose. Ooh! Or glitter, somebody played with glitter!

greendragon said:

This is my Morrigan blurb, Dammy, below. My current short, sweet gotcha line is: Do you dare wake a goddess?

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I like that gotcha line! I like.

Mary Love said:

Nice! Mine fell off a cliff today. Life of a writer. haha!

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Mine got stabbed in the kidney. Sorry, I just wanted to feel included.

JJ Litke said:

Whoa whoa whoa. Eight months pregnant, and freezing, AND starving? That's going to stretch my disbelief a little much. We've fallen into thinking that pregnancy isn't so bad, but under the kind of conditions you're talking about, I'd expect odds are good that she'll lose the pregnancy if not die herself. It's possible for both of them to survive, but that better not be treated lightly, as if that were a simple thing to recover from. There's good reason why maternity leave lasts six to eight weeks minimum. And that's assuming good healthcare.

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JJ Litke said:

Oh that's all right then.

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Out of context of this being writing, that sounds really bad. "What, you mean she was in that situation and she didn't lose the baby? Oh, she nearly did. That's good."

Shadowflame said:

So for The Hobbit
Who: Bilbo Baggins
What: Goes on an adventure
When: Before Thorin's Day
Where: In Biddle Earth
Why: To regain the Dwarf's treasure

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Biddle Earth. Bilbo Baggins of Biddle Earth. Hehe. Typos are funny.

I saw the Biddle Earth as well and giggled

I got in about 2600 words yesterday. I'm about 15K until the end... Must. Not. Try. To. Fit. Them. All. In. This. Week.

This is why my Project Completion Syndrome kicks into overdrive. When I've still got lots to go on my novel, I'm fine with a slow, steady writing pace. 2000 words a day, easy-peasy nice and easy. But when that end comes in sight, I want to ignore all the other things I must do with my life and write until it's DONE. I think about the book constantly, every hour, dream about it, want to finish it. And yet work, husband, sleep - these are things that must still happen.

Sometimes PCS (yes, I made that up) sucks. It's useful for a novelist, as in I have NO unfinished novels or stories... but sometimes it takes control of my psyche with both hands and shakes my psyche's neck until its head snaps.

greendragon said:

shakes my psyche's neck until its head snaps

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Sure you don't have that backward?

Religion0 said:

Mine got stabbed in the kidney. Sorry, I just wanted to feel included.

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Mine isn't currently in mortal danger, but earlier she nearly got mauled by bat/wolf hybrid monster things, and later she'll get stabbed in the gut. *feels included*

greendragon said:

I saw the Biddle Earth as well and giggled

I got in about 2600 words yesterday. I'm about 15K until the end... Must. Not. Try. To. Fit. Them. All. In. This. Week.

This is why my Project Completion Syndrome kicks into overdrive. When I've still got lots to go on my novel, I'm fine with a slow, steady writing pace. 2000 words a day, easy-peasy nice and easy. But when that end comes in sight, I want to ignore all the other things I must do with my life and write until it's DONE. I think about the book constantly, every hour, dream about it, want to finish it. And yet work, husband, sleep - these are things that must still happen.

Sometimes PCS (yes, I made that up) sucks. It's useful for a novelist, as in I have NO unfinished novels or stories... but sometimes it takes control of my psyche with both hands and shakes my psyche's neck until its head snaps.

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Poor psyche...


Must. Write. Words. Today. May need to borrow some of GD's PCS because my mom is still in cleaning mode and so writing time is still limited. The spare room previously known as the cat's room has now been fully dusted and cleared of random junk. The nasty carpet has been pre-treated and today we use the new carpet cleaner for the first time. Thank goodness it comes with antibacterial cleaning stuff because that floor actually smells bad. After that, we'll start dusting the bedrooms.

Religion0 said:

Out of context of this being writing, that sounds really bad. "What, you mean she was in that situation and she didn't lose the baby? Oh, she nearly did. That's good."

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Hey, you stabbed a character in the kidney, so you have no room to pick at me wanting realistic trauma! Hmph.

I signed up for a class this weekend about writing humor. Expectations: low. Not that I don't think the person running the class is good, I'm just not sure how much can be done to help someone else be more word funny. But I found out yesterday a friend of mine also signed up for it, so that's cool.

I'm halfway through Stardust by Neil Gaiman, and it's a little painful to realize how poor my writing is in comparison.

Religion0 said:

Ooh, so much! Night goddess, someone stole the night sky and anthropomorphised it, someone stole a star and is now marked for death (in the most fab way), celestial handjob (WTF brain? What?), demigod, mutant ala X-Men, and finally a person with a disorder that causes them to hallucinate. Or someone on drugs, I suppose. Ooh! Or glitter, somebody played with glitter!

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Awesome ideas. My brain keeps spinning toward other projects--I think I need to wait until closer to the deadline for inspiration.

JJ Litke said:

Expectations: low. Not that I don't think the person running the class is good, I'm just not sure how much can be done to help someone else be more word funny.

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But you are funny! I recently watched some youtube videos on comedy and how to be a funnier person and I agree--it doesn't seem very teachable. Either you are or you aren't. But in the written word, we have the opportunity to take our time to set up and analyze the quintessential funny situation. You lose the spontaneity, perhaps, but (like so many other story and character development techniques) it is more learn-able when applied to writing. Let us know if you learn any good tips!

JJ Litke said:

Hey, you stabbed a character in the kidney, so you have no room to pick at me wanting realistic trauma! Hmph.

I signed up for a class this weekend about writing humor. Expectations: low. Not that I don't think the person running the class is good, I'm just not sure how much can be done to help someone else be more word funny. But I found out yesterday a friend of mine also signed up for it, so that's cool.

I'm halfway through Stardust by Neil Gaiman, and it's a little painful to realize how poor my writing is in comparison.

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Girl, DO NOT compare yourself to Neil Gaiman. That way lies madness. It's like comparing yourself to Tolkien or Asimov. They are kings, gods of writing. 99.9% of writers will never be at their level. But they (probably) started off not far from us, and we can try to come close to them after years and years of experience. Your work is great, JJ. You've been published. You've got mad skills and good humor (Harbinie, c'mon). You're damn good. Don't beat yourself up for not being one of the kings yet.

Seriously... no comparing to the masters!!

Maggie Maxwell said:

Girl, DO NOT compare yourself to Neil Gaiman. That way lies madness. It's like comparing yourself to Tolkien or Asimov. They are kings, gods of writing. 99.9% of writers will never be at their level. But they (probably) started off not far from us, and we can try to come close to them after years and years of experience. Your work is great, JJ. You've been published. You've got mad skills and good humor (Harbinie, c'mon). You're damn good. Don't beat yourself up for not being one of the kings yet.

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Maggie has some great advice there.
While those websites that compare your work to the masters is kind of neat, please realize that no one can tell a story like you. That's the key to all of this. Different viewpoints, different styles, different wording. It all makes a unique whole. And that's exactly how it should be.

I'm not aiming for master status. Midlist author would be fine with me. Heck Amazon midlist would be great so long as it pays bills.

Hubby says I can go ahead and apply to SFWA instead of waiting to see if they accept my article. YEAH!
Also I'm going to try to get a part time job 10-20 hours weekly. First, while I'm not very sociable I still need human interaction. Second, freelance work is fluctuating and right now don't have the steady income I need. Third, I really need to get out of the house a couple of days.

Guys, guys, I got my cover art back for Morrigu, and it ROCKS! Moody and dark, ravens, apocalyptic sky... can't wait until I can share!

I did have to argue against her armor. Shadow, you'd be ashamed of me. While it's no longer quite 'sex kitten' status, it's still a chain mail top with nothing under it. Sigh. I only got so far. However, most of her is covered by the enormous Celtic shield and her spear, and the rest is shrouded in shadows. Granted, as a war goddess, she'd be one of the few who could carry off whatever armor she wanted and not die... but still. I hate to perpetuate the stereotype.

My mistake was saying to the publisher that "She prefers to be either armored or naked. She doesn't care for modern proper dress." My publisher took that to mean naked under the armor. And since we can't really know what ancient Celtic armor looked like, liberties were taken from there.

greendragon said:

Guys, guys, I got my cover art back for Morrigu, and it ROCKS! Moody and dark, ravens, apocalyptic sky... can't wait until I can share!

I did have to argue against her armor. Shadow, you'd be ashamed of me. While it's no longer quite 'sex kitten' status, it's still a chain mail top with nothing under it. Sigh. I only got so far. However, most of her is covered by the enormous Celtic shield and her spear, and the rest is shrouded in shadows. Granted, as a war goddess, she'd be one of the few who could carry off whatever armor she wanted and not die... but still. I hate to perpetuate the stereotype.

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Tut tut, GD! I tut at you and your stereotypical perpetuation! will Morrigu be available on kobo as well as elsewhere? I got a kobo not that long ago and I honestly like it more than the kindle in some ways. If only it had wireless doc support... And a lock screen... Oh well.

Any who, is anyone else freaking out about the beta project? I submitted the day it opened and now I's gon and gone crazy afeared over it!! :s

Damoclian said:

Any who, is anyone else freaking out about the beta project? I submitted the day it opened and now I's gon and gone crazy afeared over it!! :s

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I'm a little nervous because I'm newer to AW, and the only eyes that have seen my manuscript are classmates, friends, and family. So that evil little voice in my head keeps saying "You shouldn't have submitted! Your writing sucks! They're going to tell you you're terrible and that you should give up now!"

Thanks, subconscious. You're a real gem.

Sockycat, we ALL have that voice! Even Neil Gaiman. He's admitted such publicly! Imposter Syndrome is a horrible thing.

I've been duly tutted, Dammy! Yes, my books are all on Kobo as wekk as Kindle.

Now I've caught up on work for the day, I'm going to spend some time on words, at least until the phone meeting I have at 3pm starts.

greendragon said:

Sockycat, we ALL have that voice! Even Neil Gaiman. He's admitted such publicly! Imposter Syndrome is a horrible thing.

I've been duly tutted, Dammy! Yes, my books are all on Kobo as wekk as Kindle.

Now I've caught up on work for the day, I'm going to spend some time on words, at least until the phone meeting I have at 3pm starts.

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It's such an evil little voice. But it definitely makes me feel better to know that even big time authors have it. A friend and I recently drove four hours to see John Green give a talk in Cleveland on writing and mental illness, and at the end he took a few questions. Someone basically said, "I'm a newer writer and I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing and somedays I have no confidence in my work." And Green just laughed and said, "yeah...that never goes away."

And even though logically I know everyone has that evil little voice, the emotional side of me is like "yeah but...but what if your evil little voice is right?"

Dumb voice!!

sockycat said:

I'm a little nervous because I'm newer to AW, and the only eyes that have seen my manuscript are classmates, friends, and family. So that evil little voice in my head keeps saying "You shouldn't have submitted! Your writing sucks! They're going to tell you you're terrible and that you should give up now!"

Thanks, subconscious. You're a real gem.

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Look at it like this: Your entry is between you and Sage. You're anonymous to everyone else, and you won't have to reveal yourself at any point. Even if your entry is barely legible English, you're going to get three entries of good advice for making it legible English. Based on your posts, though, I'm preeeetty confident you write good and you're gonna get people wanting to beta for you.

Damoclian said:

Any who, is anyone else freaking out about the beta project? I submitted the day it opened and now I's gon and gone crazy afeared over it!! :s

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SO AFEARED.

So, I've never participated in the Beta-Project. I did, however, have a beta-reader on the Steampunk novel (back in the day) who told me I needed to start over because all the supporting characters did all the things the MC should be doing. I gnashed my teeth and rewrote the damn book and then (eventually) fond an agent I love.

"This needs work" is not the worst thing to happen to you.

Stay strong.

Okay okay, no more comparing to Neil Gaiman. I snuck the book into work with me today--don't look at me like that, part of our system is down for upgrades right now anyway. So this is constructive somehow. Really.

Thanks, guys. You're awesome people.

greendragon said:

Guys, guys, I got my cover art back for Morrigu, and it ROCKS! Moody and dark, ravens, apocalyptic sky... can't wait until I can share!

I did have to argue against her armor. Shadow, you'd be ashamed of me. While it's no longer quite 'sex kitten' status, it's still a chain mail top with nothing under it. Sigh. I only got so far. However, most of her is covered by the enormous Celtic shield and her spear, and the rest is shrouded in shadows. Granted, as a war goddess, she'd be one of the few who could carry off whatever armor she wanted and not die... but still. I hate to perpetuate the stereotype.

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Oh man, the idea of chain mail with literally nothing underneath is really funny. "DIE HEATHEN CURS...ow, hold on, my boob is pinching. *adjusts mail* NOW DIE!!!"