TALK TO LADY JAY (naughty bits)
- Thread starter Jaycinth
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Hey...you know what I saw in the news today?
You know that Shepherd that kept flunking out. (I know, you used to date him unitl that cat nip incident. I don't blame you...that would have ruined your career)..well...
check this out
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17398521
Aww, that's nuthin'. My cat holds three PhD's in nuclear physics, and my hamster is a certified diving instructor.
Bullcookies! Your Cat only holds TWO PhD's in Nuclear Physics. The third PhD is in Nuclear THEORY!!!!
Of all the nerve.
Can you tell I ran out of coffee? I woke up at 6am and there was no coffee. I thought I had a secret stash, but no. English Breakfast Tea just does not cut it.
And it seems to be slow around here. Which is good because laughing has a negative impact on dismemberment.
But now I have to worry about ratings.
We were supposed to get 666 posts on this thread before...ah...what ever arbitrary date I set.
I've been using the word 'arbitrary' a lot. I need a dictionary with more pages.
Where's Jeanne?
***opens door, peers at Cabaret***
And it is slow in there too, and I haven't seen the cook in days. Someone ought to check the strip club next door, and the poker game at 'Manny's'. If he's not there...maybe the freezer? Nawwwwwwww. Only a silly goose would lock himself in the freezer.
Of all the nerve.
Can you tell I ran out of coffee? I woke up at 6am and there was no coffee. I thought I had a secret stash, but no. English Breakfast Tea just does not cut it.
And it seems to be slow around here. Which is good because laughing has a negative impact on dismemberment.
But now I have to worry about ratings.
We were supposed to get 666 posts on this thread before...ah...what ever arbitrary date I set.
I've been using the word 'arbitrary' a lot. I need a dictionary with more pages.
Where's Jeanne?
***opens door, peers at Cabaret***
And it is slow in there too, and I haven't seen the cook in days. Someone ought to check the strip club next door, and the poker game at 'Manny's'. If he's not there...maybe the freezer? Nawwwwwwww. Only a silly goose would lock himself in the freezer.
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Actually, um.... He didn't lock himself in the freezer... Um.. ermm.... I kinda did....See, he was being a little sissy and wouldn't swallow the worm that I crammed into his mouth, so I stuffed him in there....
Well, that was stupid.
He wouldn't swallow the worm?
I thought he LIKED tequila.
Ah...let him chill awhile, then.
He wouldn't swallow the worm?
I thought he LIKED tequila.
Ah...let him chill awhile, then.
But the Hamster is taking on new clients.
Wanna swim with the fishes ? He can hook you up. Ever wonder what it's like to feed sharks? He's your Hamster.
Wanna swim with the fishes ? He can hook you up. Ever wonder what it's like to feed sharks? He's your Hamster.
A 486 is not helpful...it is a damned slow computer.
And what is this crap? White raisins. I hate shriveled up little grapes.
I'm going to have a tantrum today. I can tell.
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I know! I said, "Eat the worm!" And he said, "No, I don't want to, quit shoving things in my face." So, I punched him, pinned him to the ground, smashed the worm in his mouth, and dragged his ass to the freezer. Talk about an irrational cook!
Just remember the golden rule, "one day for every pound," when you go to thaw him. Or is it one pound for every 4 hours... Ah, I can't remember. You know what, I can cook. Kinda. Let's leave him in there.
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*cough* We've been, uh...busy.
But *sniff* I'm touched that someone noticed I haven't been around much. It warms my cockles, that's what it does.
Okay, the "cook" was warming them, too but...hey, I warmed his as well!
You know, the patrons at the strip club tip FAR better than the patrons here. Not that I was making some extra bucks or anything. I'm just sayin'...
The target is missing.
Have I mentioned that I hate consultants?
I hate consultants.
And as far as the rest of you gents go.....
Please stop hiring the 'EyeCandy' to do your budgeting.
ok.
It ticks your accountant off. Accountants do not like to work overtime correcting stupid math errors that would not have gotten past a first grader, and, that if left uncorrected will submerge your company in a mire of tax problems which will haunt your grandchildren, and land you in jail.
Just sleep with your accountant, trust me it will cost less.
If your accountant isn't hot...well have you looked in the mirror at yourself lately?
And for those of us who ARE hot accountants....don't worry, boss, we'll find YOU!!!
Yes. Yes it IS one of those freaking days.
You know what you call it when you mix white wine with Captain Morgan?
I call it *hic* lunch.
Have I mentioned that I hate consultants?
I hate consultants.
And as far as the rest of you gents go.....
Please stop hiring the 'EyeCandy' to do your budgeting.
ok.
It ticks your accountant off. Accountants do not like to work overtime correcting stupid math errors that would not have gotten past a first grader, and, that if left uncorrected will submerge your company in a mire of tax problems which will haunt your grandchildren, and land you in jail.
Just sleep with your accountant, trust me it will cost less.
If your accountant isn't hot...well have you looked in the mirror at yourself lately?
And for those of us who ARE hot accountants....don't worry, boss, we'll find YOU!!!
Yes. Yes it IS one of those freaking days.
You know what you call it when you mix white wine with Captain Morgan?
I call it *hic* lunch.
Lady Jay, allow me to introduce my hitman, ah, mobster, I mean made-man, er, cousin.
Yeah, my cousin. His name's Carmine. He did ajob, I mean favor for me a few months ago. Does real good work. Very neat, very clean. Leaves no evidence . . . leftovers.
He likes our club, nice and dark, he says. Quiet, there at the end of the alley. Says he could hang around, maybe do you a favor, nocharge . . I mean, just 'cause.
You want I should give him a call?
Yeah, my cousin. His name's Carmine. He did a
He likes our club, nice and dark, he says. Quiet, there at the end of the alley. Says he could hang around, maybe do you a favor, no
You want I should give him a call?
I want that Carmine should sit at the other end of the dark bar during business hours and take care of ... ahhhhhhh... miscellaneous things that require attention but that I don't have time to properly attend to.
He can also double as bouncer when Bernie the Yak is busy.
Pay him what he wants. Free eats as soon as Tsuki feels like thawing the chef.
I was going to bitch about something else, but I'll take it out on a character in one of my WIP's.
We should start a story thread. Some kind of dark comedy with murderous oversexed aliens, and maybe a drunk Jedi. With foil and pencils.
Anyone read 'Naked Came the Manatee'???? What about 'Another Roadside Attraction'?????
He can also double as bouncer when Bernie the Yak is busy.
Pay him what he wants. Free eats as soon as Tsuki feels like thawing the chef.
I was going to bitch about something else, but I'll take it out on a character in one of my WIP's.
We should start a story thread. Some kind of dark comedy with murderous oversexed aliens, and maybe a drunk Jedi. With foil and pencils.
Anyone read 'Naked Came the Manatee'???? What about 'Another Roadside Attraction'?????
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Carmine says he accepts.
Soon as he's done with this . . . job, he'll head over to the bar and be available whenever we need him.
Good ol' cousin Carmine!
Soon as he's done with this . . . job, he'll head over to the bar and be available whenever we need him.
Good ol' cousin Carmine!
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Don't you two look cute? I didn't realize how long you'd been a "couple".Uh....Haggis and I will sit at the other end of the bar
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And, oooh, that Carmine's a hottie. You okay if I snuggle up to him, Muse? I'm wearing a bullet and knife (but not pie!) proof catsuit.
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