How to make him not a vampire

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Hapax Legomenon

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Okay, I have this idea that I want to write, but I think I want to make it adequately different from any vampire books, because the main character is most certainly not a vampire.

The MC is a ghost named Gene, one who had died a while back in a haunted forest (bare with me). He got the choice to either die there and have nothing, or to become a spirit to help out the other spirits that lived there.

So, what he's been doing for the past few hundred years is walking thoroughout town, hypnotizing bad children that won't go to sleep during the night hours to follow him and then get eaten by the hungry spirits. He doesn't need them himself, but it's his job, and being dead/undead/whatever doesn't exactly make him a lucid thinker.

So, as he does this, the world modernizes, and it becomes harder and harder from him to do his job properly. In the modern times, he can hardly gather any kids at all. Eventually, he takes back one little girl, but because she's an android and completely inedible, the spirits that would have eaten her demand that he take her back.

So he does, and doing this makes him think clearly for the first time in hundreds of years, and he realizes that there are a lot of things wrong with the world, at least from his perspective. The streetlights burn, the kids of today have been told enough not to talk to strangers so there's nobody to capture, and most of all, the forest that the spirits live in is being encroached upon for land development. I'm thinking of going on with this last one and make him try to protect the woods from the land developers, maybe making him look like a radical treehugger or something...

The woman who's the 'mother' of the android is having zombie problems, on top of this, and figures that having another undead around would be useful.

How do I make this character, Gene, adequately different from a vampire?
 

ChaosTitan

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I'm with rosemerry. This character doesn't sound like a vampire one bit. You state upfront that he's a ghost. He hypnotizes and collects children from others to eat, rather than drinking their blood. Just keep away from the traditional vampire lore (ie, allergic to sunlight, garlic, crosses, wooden stakes), and you'll be fine.

It sounds like you have a chance to create an interesting ghost-creature with Gene. Have fun with it. :D
 

Hapax Legomenon

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He doesn't sound like a vampire to me at all. As far as the idea do you really want to make it something with a political agenda?

It's not really political agenda, because as far as modern society is concerned, he's crazy. In fact, if he's there for all of his spirit buddies that want to eat children are living in the woods and they're trying to save it, then logic would say that it would in fact be a better idea to cut it down for everyone's safety.

If it makes any sense, he's not supposed to be that sympathetic. Sure, he's the main character, but his very existence is based off of pretty much being the boogeyman. So, even though he's against cutting down trees, which many would think is a good thing, he's also against teaching kids not to talk to strangers and also against putting up street lamps, which are... well, not good things.
 

J. R. Tomlin

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A totally unsympathetic main character is likely to be a problem. And I did feel there was a lack of logic in his suddenly thinking "clearly" when he took the android back. Why would it have this effect? Nor, for that matter, does your description of his thinking seem all that clear. That doesn't mean you shouldn't write it, but I'm pointing out a few things to think about. It could be an interesting story if you can work it out.
 

Williebee

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I'm with the folks above. I didn't get vampire out of this at all. Demon, maybe. unnamed entity, perhaps. And Tomlin has some really good points you should take the time to ponder.

And my first thought when you said he brought the spirits something they couldn't digest is that they would punish him in some way. The android thing was funny, by the way.

As for the political agenda? That one is up to you, but it doesn't have the imagination that the rest of the concept shows. Have fun with it! Bring us back some samples.
 

Hapax Legomenon

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A totally unsympathetic main character is likely to be a problem. And I did feel there was a lack of logic in his suddenly thinking "clearly" when he took the android back. Why would it have this effect? Nor, for that matter, does your description of his thinking seem all that clear. That doesn't mean you shouldn't write it, but I'm pointing out a few things to think about. It could be an interesting story if you can work it out.

The fact of it would be that normally, he just walks down the same route, changing slightly with time, more of like a force of nature, but when he actually has something to do that's specific, he actually has to think. Being more like a 'force of nature' pretty much put all thinking parts to sleep because there's no reason to think.

Have you ever heard of an 'unsympathetic comedy protagonist"? He may be a bastard, but you can't help but be entertained. He has an understandable motivation and he plays the part of 'fish out of water, but that still doesn't really change what he does.

Trust me, I've written this sort of character before, and he got me the most good reviews I've ever gotten.
 

J. R. Tomlin

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I didn't say that unsympathetic main characters can't be done, but that they are difficult. You have to give us SOME reason to at least somewhat root for them. Funny is one possible one, although your plot (except for the android thing that did sound amusing) didn't seem to be in the humorous vein.

But if your main character is only unsympathetic with nothing redeeming, it doesn't tend to draw the reader.

I'm not sure what length work you are talking about. A novel? A short story? If he just "walks down the same route, changing slightly with time, more of like a force of nature..." I can also see some possible plotting problems with a story arc.

But I have a feeling you don't want to hear possible problems, so I'll leave you alone. :)

Good luck with it and I hope it turns out great.
 

oscuridad

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I think you are going to have a hell of a time trying to sell an MC who steals children in the night to be eaten by his spirit friends.
 

Hapax Legomenon

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I think you are going to have a hell of a time trying to sell an MC who steals children in the night to be eaten by his spirit friends.

I'll try my hardest! I managed to get people hooked on an executioner that had no regard for human life, I think this one should work, too. :D
 

Bartholomew

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I think you are going to have a hell of a time trying to sell an MC who steals children in the night to be eaten by his spirit friends.

Not if his target audience is lazy parents.

#

I think this sounds fascinating, incidentally. How much do you have written?
 

ink wench

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He doesn't sound like a vampire at all to me. I love the idea of a ghost struggling to deal with how much the world has changed, sounds like an interesting story. Good luck!
 

Sassee

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The fact that it took him so long to question his own behavior smacks of minor humor all by itself (love the android bit, btw). Besides, I like questionable MC's. It's a bit of spice in a world where all hero(ines) are annoyingly good. That becomes tiresome after a while. Knowing there is a bad guy as an MC makes me curious to know what their redeeming quality(s) are (there is ALWAYS a redeming quality, why do you think women keep falling for the bad guys? ;)) and why the author thought this guy was worth writing about.
 

Ravenlocks

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I like the character (although I'm with the folks who want a redeeming quality) and the setup, but I lose my suspension of disbelief when you say there are no more kids foolish enough to talk to strangers, etc. The only way I'd buy that is if every kid has a chip implanted that the police can follow, and even then if it could be taken out, they could be made to disappear. Sadly, I'm pretty sure it will always be possible to kidnap kids.
 
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