All Things Middle Grade

My writing is a steaming pile of pigeon poop.

I'm a little down. I got a lot of encouraging feedback from the participants at WriteOnCon for my Minion School story, which was nice. But I was hoping for some agently feedback - on the boards, during the pitch sessions - I got nada.

I think I let my hopes soar a little too high with my Minion School story, so the crash down to reality has hurt a lot more.

Okay. Pity party over. I have gotten one glimmer of hope - an agent who loved my idea. The writing, not so much. She said my voice "seems to be trying too hard and comes across as a bit unauthentic or un-relatable." She read the first three chapters. She'll take another look if I rewrite.

So, my tribe of helpful buddies- how would you approach said critique of your work? I wish she had given examples or been more specific. She said she'd look at it again if I did a rewrite, but do I start over with an aim to make it relatable and authentic? Any book suggestions on first person MG voice to help me out?

Sage said:

I love the Minion School story

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Likewise.

Hang in there, my friend. You know I love you - and your writing.

I just had an agent who read my blog and thought I was funny ask me to query her. I'm not even done yet, but she and I went back and forth a few times joking about appliances breaking down.
This made me extremely excited, but also hyperventilatingly nervous.

Is this a normal occurance?

Laura, that's awesome. I don't think it's a common thing.

Sage and Smish - thanks for the support. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. But what do I doooooooooooo??????? How do I make my mg voice more authentic and relatable?

SheilaJG said:

Laura, that's awesome. I don't think it's a common thing.

Sage and Smish - thanks for the support. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. But what do I doooooooooooo??????? How do I make my mg voice more authentic and relatable?

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Just a suggestion, and not necessarily for this book (because it really would be a huge undertaking), but maybe for future projects: perhaps try writing in third person.

I love your books. I'm being totally honest when I say that. You're the most creative writer I know and I have no doubt that I'll be purchasing your published novels at bookstores (if we still have bookstores...) in the future.

Occasionally, I have given you notes about voice, and I think they've all been areas where the voice sounded more adult than kid, areas of exposition, etc.

If you tried third-person, I suspect I'd love your narrative voice even more. All your fun world-building stuff (and your hilarious minion proverbs!) would still be there, and I think any voice problems would disappear.

Now, that's not to say that I think your first-person voice isn't working, because as I've said, I do love your books. Just throwing out an idea/possibility/suggestion, since you asked.

The thing about HARRY POTTER is that it's written in a storyteller's voice -- which means the narration has an adult sound to it. The storyteller voice is especially useful here because it ties together all seven books with the same voice, regardless of whether the content was more appropriate for MG or YA.

There would be a bigger difference between MG and YA voices if a story were written in first person, since 12 year olds and 16 year olds don't sound the same; and even if it were written in the third person, but from a close single-person point of view -- in which case the narration would fit with the age of the main character (or the age of whatever character provides the point of view).

Sorry to hear that, Sheila! Isn't it crazy how you've gotten such good feedback from so many people, but then one person in the business has a different opinion? Maybe she's an outlier, but I know it still hurts.

I don't have any specific books to suggest, but maybe you could look back at some MG books you've read that have the type of voice you are aiming for, and analyze the writing style. I've only read what you've posted in SYW, but from what I've seen, you can't give up on it.

Third person definitely gives a writer more leeway with voice, that's true. My problem with the Minion School story is that the MC is an unreliable narrator - he thinks he's a werewolf while everyone else knows he's not. It's hard to translate that into 3rd person, without giving it away. I may try it anyway.

SheilaJG said:

Third person definitely gives a writer more leeway with voice, that's true. My problem with the Minion School story is that the MC is an unreliable narrator - he thinks he's a werewolf while everyone else knows he's not. It's hard to translate that into 3rd person, without giving it away. I may try it anyway.

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You can have an unreliable narrator in third-person. The narrator doesn't have to tell everything she knows. And she can choose to tell things in her own sweet time.

And in close-third, the reader wouldn't learn anything until the MC knows it himself.

If you are going to try writing in third-person, read (and study) a few of your favorite third-person novels to see how other writers have handled it.

Thanks for the encouragement, swachski. I think that's what I've got to do - buckle down and study. And try it in third-person.

Argh, that sounds so frustrating! I guess all you can do is know that you're talented and do that experiment with third person. Have any other agents said this to you or is it just the one?
The only MG I've written that appears to be working is third person. I have a hard time maintaining the voice in first person.

Also, congrats Laura! That's awesome

I have nothing constructive to offer, but just wanted to let you know that I LOVE the story idea. I can't wait to buy the book!

Oh...I can also offer hugs. Got lots of those...

I'm with thatredhead. Best of luck and lots of hugs.

Good luck to you, Sheila, and to LauraAnn.

swachski said:

I have a question along the same lines—I feel like I got the voice close for my MG story, but I've had betas comment that some of the words are too sophisticated for MG. It leans more toward upper MG, and my thinking is that more complicated language will help readers stretch their vocabulary. Am I wrong to assume that?

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You know, I sometimes wonder if it isn't vocabulary you should be worried about but how the voice comes across. Read through the manuscript and see if it really is big words that are tripping up your reader, or if it might be that "adultishness" (your authorial voice, in essence) is creeping into your character's voice. I've critiqued quite a few manuscripts where the 12yo MC will say things that are clearly an adult's way of thinking/talking, and so readers may think the words are too sophisticated when really it is just the way those words are used.

Does that make sense?

I'd also like to mention that the longer I do this, the more I realize that it's not about helping readers stretch their vocabulary. It's about helping readers connect with your story on an emotional level. And if that means you need to sacrifice the big words, then so be it. Some of the best books are simplistic in their use of vocabulary, yet those simple words combine together in surprisingly complicated and beautiful ways. I think it's that simpleness that lets the voice shine through.

That's my two cents, anyway.

elissacruz said:

I'd also like to mention that the longer I do this, the more I realize that it's not about helping readers stretch their vocabulary. It's about helping readers connect with your story on an emotional level. And if that means you need to sacrifice the big words, then so be it. Some of the best books are simplistic in their use of vocabulary, yet those simple words combine together in surprisingly complicated and beautiful ways. I think it's that simpleness that lets the voice shine through.

That's my two cents, anyway.

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This. Exactly.

Cynthia Rylant and Jane Yolen are great examples of people who write crystal clear prose. The story shines through so perfectly that it becomes poetry. Yet still accessible to a child.

Sheila, I think you only try rewriting if the criticism resonates with you. Don't do it if you're just trying to please her. She may never approve, and even if she does, it may change the book in ways you don't want it to.

But if you think she has a good point, then go for it. I think smish makes a good suggestion in general. First person is tricky because there's so much information that the reader needs but the character wouldn't authentically provide. So you end up with some falseness no matter how hard you try. I've kind of sworn off first person because of that...

Sage said:

Was it AJP? She browses AW and blogs sometimes and requests people to query her. The agency is otherwise closed to queries.

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No, it wasn't. I was just a little blown away, I guess in a good way. Excited me at first, the stressed me, and then I realized although it was nice to be liked my book is not my blog and I should just keep doing what I am doing to begin with and finish the re-writing and edits.

I just didn't think it was common and still really have no idea how to proceed.

LauraAnnSwanson said:

No, it wasn't. I was just a little blown away, I guess in a good way. Excited me at first, the stressed me, and then I realized although it was nice to be liked my book is not my blog and I should just keep doing what I am doing to begin with and finish the re-writing and edits.

I just didn't think it was common and still really have no idea how to proceed.

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Cautiously.

It's not unheard of, but it's not common for reputable agents to contact unknown writers after stumbling upon their blogs.

So, just do your research.

In the meantime, keep going with those revisions and edits. Good luck to you!

I guess switching to 3rd takes more than just changing the "I"s to "he"s, huh? I tried to rewrite the first chapter, and it just seems so flat. I must be doing something wrong.

Judy - I think my confidence is so broken I don't know if I can trust my feelings or not. As Smish said, I do sometimes lapse with my characters and make them sound older than they should. So she probably has a point. With that in mind, and given that she was really enthusiastic about the premise and how "fun" it was, and that that's the most encouragement I've gotten from an agent, I think it's worth pursuing.

I have posted a new 600-word opening in SYW, and would love to see if you guys think I'm getting closer. Or if I'm just making a mess of the whole thing.

Shiela, I just commented and critiqued on the 600-worder