'thoughts'...how to show them in script

CACTUSWENDY · Sep 11, 2008

Super dumb question. Please forgive me....lol

When you adapt to a script from a book how do you do things that are done as 'thoughts'?

Example...."I really like your red dress," Bob said. That color looks like crap on you.

Example...."You do as I tell you and don't ask any more questions," Bob said. You little twirp. Get your act togather.

In my story there are a lot of 'thoughts'. It's where alot of the humor is so I can not leave it out.

Thanks for any insight you may share.

icerose · Sep 11, 2008

If you can't film it, you don't write it. There's absolutely no way to film a thought. All thoughts must then be cut unless you're falling into narration or VO which greatly annoys a lot of people.

nmstevens · Sep 11, 2008

CACTUSWENDY said:
Super dumb question. Please forgive me....lol

When you adapt to a script from a book how do you do things that are done as 'thoughts'?

Example...."I really like your red dress," Bob said. That color looks like crap on you.

Example...."You do as I tell you and don't ask any more questions," Bob said. You little twirp. Get your act togather.

In my story there are a lot of 'thoughts'. It's where alot of the humor is so I can not leave it out.

Thanks for any insight you may share.

That's what "dramatization" means -- to take the stuff that's going on inside someone's head and turn it into external action, where we can see it.

Narration is probably the clunkiest way to do this. Much better, in situations where you want a character to express one point of view to a character while privately believing something else is to structure the scene so that he can express his view to the person in question while having a private beat or moment with some other person or by himself, where he can express his true feelings.

So it would be Bob talking to Kathy, "My God, did you see that red rag that Janey bought the other --"

He catches a glimpse of Janey as she comes up behind them, wearing the bright red dress. He turns, not missing a beat.

"Janey, that dress. It's you."

As for the second example you gave -- frankly the "internal" thought seems to pretty much reflect what he's saying anyway, but if it were different, you could do it in any number of ways.

A secretary could say, "Bob on two."

"Oh Christ, when is he going to get his act together?"

He presses the button, "Bob, good to hear from you? What's happening?"

Any number of alternatives -- of ways of conveying through action and behavior that what a character is saying is at odds with what he is thinking.

NMS

Kosh · Sep 11, 2008

CACTUSWENDY said:
Super dumb question. Please forgive me....lol

When you adapt to a script from a book how do you do things that are done as 'thoughts'?

Example...."I really like your red dress," Bob said. That color looks like crap on you.

Example...."You do as I tell you and don't ask any more questions," Bob said. You little twirp. Get your act togather.

In my story there are a lot of 'thoughts'. It's where alot of the humor is so I can not leave it out.

Thanks for any insight you may share.

You may not want to adapt a book line for line or even plot point for plot point. I think the most important thing is getting the essence of the characters and story.

dpaterso · Sep 11, 2008

BOB
I really like your red dress.

BOB (V.O.)
That color looks like crap on you.

BOB
You do as I tell you and don't ask any more questions.

BOB (V.O.)
You little twerp. Get your act together.

V.O. = Voice Over. Actor makes a recording separately from the filmed scene, this is later dubbed into the sound track.

-Derek

Mr Disk · Sep 11, 2008

Fight Club is a great example of effective narration. It is present through the whole movie yet it doesn't detract at all from the film.

caustic · Sep 11, 2008

Mr Disk said:
Fight Club is a great example of effective narration. It is present through the whole movie yet it doesn't detract at all from the film.

IMO what makes it really work is that it's consistent.

I'm adapting a book now, and to narrate the entire thing would be nonsense, as this story goes. To throw in random VOs, seems (to me, anyway) to mess with the flow and expectations. "Where the hell did that voice come from? What have I missed?" ergo, distraction from the story.

I try to write subtle actions to portray contradictions between thoughts and dialogue.
__________

MISSY: We'd love to have you join us.

BRAD: Yeah, I'll try to get free.

Missy shuffles through some papers.

Brad rolls his eyes, mouthing silently.
___________

dpaterso · Sep 12, 2008

There are as many great examples of V.O. as there are crap examples. SIN CITY's V.O. narrative from the lead characters rivals the best Noir P.I. V.O.s from yesterday. Explanation-heavy V.O. openings such as you'll find at the beginning of movies like UNDERWORLD and THE ONE can suck rocks.

Many movie and TV comedies have used OP's contrary thought technique: character says one thing but thinks another. The trick is engaging the audience enough to make them *want* to hear these thoughts. The danger is that if the character's thoughts/jokes aren't funny as hell or don't reveal an aspect of the character that isn't already obvious, they could be perceived as boring and monotonous -- value-drop rather than value-add. A string of one-liners that fall short of punchlines and don't reveal much except that the character is an irritating buffoon, could provoke teeth-clenching rather than mirth.

It's always best to ask: is there a way I can show this visually instead? Can the character DO something that SHOWS what he's thinking? Or even have one of those mental fantasy moments like they do in SCRUBS that graphically illustrates the character's train of thought?

ENTHUSIASTIC OFFICE WORKER
These procedures are outdated,
I've written new ones that take
into account shifting market
paradigms that didn't exist ten
years ago. The author is a total
dinosaur.

BOB
Good work!

Bob's fantasy: Bob grabs Enthusiastic Office Worker's head and slams it off his keyboard a dozen times.

-Derek

Billingsgate · Sep 12, 2008

Check the balcony scene in Woody Allen's "Annie Hall", where he and Diane Keaton conduct an inane typical party conversation, with subtitles showing what they're both really thinking (i.e. "I wonder what she looks like naked.")

Though I agree with many of the above comments: showing it with action works best. Is it necessary to tell all the words in the thought? For example, with your quote "I really like your red dress", just have the speaker turn away from the other person and roll her/his eyes. It's unimportant whether the speaker disapproves of the color or the style, just that she/he is insincere in the compliment.

mario_c · Sep 12, 2008

The thing is, less is always more. Where you can rattle on a bit in normal fiction about the mood and atmosphere of your characters and their world (and I'm generalizing there), you can't do that in a script, but as you develop characters with just dialogue and a few lines of narrative you can still make those little details come out.
Like the red dress example: later on in the script as the characters' tension builds to a boil he can say, "I always hated that dress. It looked like..." and he reveals something about why he hates her or their life together. Or the other line you offer, it sounds like a boss dominating a underling he doesn't respect. So your challenge is to show his attitude strictly through dialogue and the actions of the characters, in a dramatic or exciting way.
Good luck.

Jbwriter · Sep 15, 2008

A good way to do that would be... Earlier on in the script, have him out with a friend and they see a random woman wearing that dress, they make fun of her to each other and have a good laugh.

Then when your main female character shows up wearing that same dress later, he'll say he likes it but its hilarious because we know hes clearly lying.

You can also have him smile when shes not looking afterwards.

'thoughts'...how to show them in script

CACTUSWENDY

An old, sappy, and happy one.

icerose

Lost in School Work

nmstevens

What happened?

Kosh

Will Write for Food

dpaterso

Also in our Discord and IRC chat channels

Mr Disk

caustic

dpaterso

Also in our Discord and IRC chat channels

Billingsgate

Disappointment to my mother

mario_c

Your thoughts are not real...

Jbwriter