BS your way through

Nymtoc

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Kitten juggling has been banned in a few countries, but only with respect to native breeds. For instance, it is illegal to juggle Siamese kittens in Thailand, Aegean kittens in Greece, Russian Blue kittens in Russia, Persian kittens in Iran and Norwegian Forest kittens in Norway. All other kittens may be juggled in those countries, and most of the world's countries have no restrictions on kitten juggling at all.

What do you get if you cross a polecat with an avocado?
 

C.bronco

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Stinkwort. It, unfortunately, has few uses and makes bad guacamole.

Why wasn't Van Gogh popular while he was alive? Was he uncool or something? Did he have bad body odor? I just don't get it.
 

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His lack of popularity was entirely due to his name. If people went into an art gallery and asked to see a painting by "Van Go," the proprieter would say, "Never heard of him," and the same problem arose if someone asked to see something by "Van Gogkh." After a moment of confusion, the customer would usually say, "Well, how about something by Cézanne?"

Which is more charming, a porcupine or a skunk?
 

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As a main course the skunk wins hands (or feet) down, with a taste similar to chicken. The porcupine is much better for cleaning boots when stuffed and placed on the porch, though it is not particular charming. Skunk skins are more charming when constructing winter pajamas. All in All, I guess the skunk wins.


Is there a school for bear baiting and , if so, what prerequisites would be most helpful?
 

iLion

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There was once such a school in Barrow, Alaska, but the great mystery is what happened to all those students?

In the 1800's, twenty three fat young children were sent from afar for "training" as it was known, and as an excellent way to teach skills of independence and bravery and also to slim down the otherwise overweight child.

No one is sure what to make of their odd and inexplicable disapperance, since the school was deemed to be perfect in that it would solve their weight problems, and of course there were many skinny polar bears in the area upon which to practice the baiting techniques.

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Since Adam apparently wore a fig leaf, mid-easterners and asians and others wore variations of sacks and loin cloths, the Romans wore togas and Scott's wore kilts, etc... who was first to invent and wear pants?
 

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Targrastrovinki, the sheep consulter, originaly designed them to put on elephants, thus avoiding 'comparisons' in which he usually failed to impress. Later he designed them for 'certain men' but as the purpose became clear many other men began wearing them hoping that young maidens might think they had earned them. Soon almost all men took up the habit.


What are fig bars made of?
 

Nymtoc

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The contents of fig bars, an industry secret for many years, will be revealed here.The outer layer consists of a mixture of water, baking powder, corn syrup, spackling paste, and Elmer's glue. The filling varies depending on the brand, but it typically consists of milk, egg, brown sugar, vanilla, salt, fig stems and diced, grated or shredded cockroaches.

If you wake up in a strange bed, what is the first thing you should do?
 
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PorterStarrByrd

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They Aren't made. I was born.



How long should I sit here before I heed the Tornado warning. I mean. Maine NEVER gets tornadoes, or at least they almost never do.
 

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Just keep sitting there. Chances are a tornado won't come your way. But if it does, sit back while your house ascends into the tornado's vortex. When your house finally settles back to earth, you may find yourself in a beautiful, strange land, where little people sing and hail you as a hero because you killed a wicked witch. On the other hand, you may find yourself in North Korea, where Kim Jong-Il will have you thrown in a dungeon and tortured. Either way, you will have an experience.

Why don't carpenters train sawfish to help them in their work?
 

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There is something about the phrase 'wet work' that creates a little hesitancy to anyone considering hiring them.

Why does moss grow
 

C.bronco

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Moss grows for those who knows why I groes. It is that intimate, yet a precious connection to nature that I won't share with others, yet relish, like tacquitos.



Is Pantheism passe in poetry, or am I just a stick in th mud?
 

Nymtoc

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You are a stick-in-the-mud. Pantheism is out. The Egyptian deities are in, especially Bast, the Cat Goddess. She rocks! :e2cat:

Why can't anything travel faster than light?
 

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Who says it can't? you are a warped bottle.


What kind of chicken manure works best for cumquat trees?
 

Nymtoc

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That question hardly needs to be asked. Just look around.

What ever happened to the boy who cried, "Wolf"?
 

C.bronco

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I cooked him last week because he was hiding in the bacon. I wondered what the strange gamey aroma came from until I found his socks in the freezer. Pity! Luckily, the marinade and veggies mellowed out the dish.

Is there a monetary advantage for accomplishment in bs'ing?
 

Nymtoc

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Is there a monetary advantage for accomplishment in bs'ing?

How can you ask such a question? Haven't you ever heard of Congress?

Does sticking pins in a doll really work against somebody you dislike?
 

Reziac

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Let's try it. Here's a set of dolls representing Congress, and some fine sharp pins. Stick those dolls good. Stab them with all your might!!

Have your taxes gone down? No?? Obviously it doesn't work.

Why is Pro the opposite of Con?
 

Nymtoc

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Because Pro is male and Con is female. (Don't ask me to explain. ;))

How many nuts does it take to make a fruitcake?
 

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They neglect to use their seatbelts and often either the horse or the rider had tipped a few to many. Horse don't like seasick riders ... or whatever causes that sick feeling.


Why don't we worry about fitting triangular pegs into square holes?
 

Nymtoc

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Because we have many more important things on our minds, like deciding whether to peel an orange from the stem end or the bottom end, counting the number of clouds in the sky on alternate Wednesday mornings, figuring out what to do with words we don't understand, and finding a use for stinkweed.

Why has there been a dramatic decline in the popularity of finger bowls?
 
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PorterStarrByrd

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There is a lot more demand for toilet bowls


What happens if I mix bleach and ammonia in my toilet and flush