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As their late night sessions start to blossom into something more, Kaye wonders exactly what happened back in Skylar’s hometown, and he starts to wonder if getting off the ranch is really worth leaving Kaye behind.
WHERE THERE’S SMOKE is a young adult romance complete at 60,000 words. It will appeal to horse and romance lovers alike, especially fans of Lauren Brooke’s Heartland series. I am currently working on a dystopian where everyone is tested at birth for genes that cause people to kill, lie, and cheat featuring two boys that begin to question if genes really do mean everything. Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.
That first line does sound a bit cliched. I think galloping hearts sounds a bit too much like a pun given the context of the horses. Perhaps their late-night sessions start their pulses racing? Or you could give a specific incident like a near-kiss?
I might slightly correct "will appeal" to "is aimed at", since you can't state with any confidence whether it will appeal to those audiences until it starts selling oodles of copies.
That piece of advice from the agent (is that Merr1lee He1fetz?) is interesting. I haven't heard that one before. You might follow her advice when querying her but possibly not with other agents, since it's not standard, I don't think.
You can say that they are "head over hooves in love", unless that sounds corny. I think its kinda funny. Good Luck, HR.
*taps fingers* I'm not sure.Ever since her mother died in a car crash, Kaye’s been terrified of leaving her family’s ranch even for a moment. Despite her dad’s constant urging for her to go away to college, she’s perfectly content to stay and help with his business raising and rehabilitating horses. Everything she’s ever loved is right on the ranch -- her horses, her dad, and the beautiful Nevada landscape.
One summer, a friend of Kaye’s dad sends his son, Skylar, to the ranch so he can learn some responsibility and get away from his criminal lifestyle back home. Skylar only wants to get off the ranch as soon as possible without letting anyone in. His chance comes in the form of a wild gelding named Smoke that not even Kaye can tame. When Kaye catches Skylar working with Smoke late one night, they make a deal: He’ll help her get through to Smoke if she helps him get off the ranch.
As their arrangement grows into a love that sends their hearts galloping, Kaye wonders exactly what happened back in Skylar’s hometown, and he starts to wonder if getting off the ranch is really worth leaving Kaye behind.