Should we be worried? Enjoy!
PRESS RELEASE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
OCTOBER 2, 2005
Following the astounding success of PublishAmerica, acclaimed by authors, agents and publishers everywhere, from Sea to Shining Sea, we are honored, privileged and delighted to announce a new range of exciting new projects.
RECORD AMERICA!
Why remain a struggling and unrecognized musician! From today, you can sign up with us, and your CD’s will be on sale in every music store in the land. From Sea to Shining Sea! Fancy yourself as a bit of a Diva? Wanna strut your stuff on MTV? We make your dreams come true! Because we don’t want your money, we want your music!
HOLLYWOOD AMERICA!
What do film stars like Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman and the rest of the Hollywood glitterati have that you do not? The answer is… nothing! They simply had the luck. But you have the talent! This is wrong, wrong, wrong! We think that everyone should appear in films, everywhere! Just make your film (and we have our very own film set here in ‘East Coast Hollywood’ which, as all insiders know, just happens to be Frederick, Maryland). Way to go!!! OK, this needs a little money up front to hire Larry Clippety-Clopp and his team as your film crew, but once the film is made, we will make sure that is available everywhere. From Sea To Shining Sea!
PUBLISHAMERICA WORLD!
We are delighted to announce our most exciting business venture ever! A Publish America Theme Park, set in sunny Maryland! Remember the film ‘Westworld’, where the two dudes got the girls (thousands of them!) and got to shoot big bad Yul Brynner into the bargain? And you thought it was just a movie? Well no more! PublishAmerica makes this a reality! Welcome to PublishAmericaWorld! You, best selling author-in-waiting, can now savor the pleasures of receiving your Pulitzer Prize, being begged for inspiration by Stephen King , and having the world’s biggest film directors knocking on your door. And not just begging for the film rights, but offering you every form of sexual gratification if you agree! OK, so they won’t be real robots, it will only be our very own moaning Miranda offering you a blow job. But we guarantee, based on our own personal experiences, that she will seem like a real robot! Isn’t it worth paying a few thousand $$$ to prepare yourself for this form of adulation? We know it’s going to happen one day, because we at Publish America have confidence in our authors! But PublishAmericaWorld makes it happen today! Of course, if it all goes horribly wrong, like for the poor dudes in the movie, and your Pulitzer Prize audience suddenly start throwing rotten tomatoes at you, and shout at you to stick at the day job, then what the hell. It will have turned into a reality show!
Exciting times are ahead! That’s for sure! From Sea To Shining Sea!!!