Voice, Register and Syntax as Device

kborsden · Dec 1, 2011

As a result of a recent discussion, I wanted to get an impression of what people think about this subject. Is poetry always best served in the present tense or active voice; is there reason or purpose to extend to passivity?

In the examples below, I've offered a few metric couplet alternatives to the same principle couplet. I would like to know which people think works best, which reads most naturally and ultimately whether voice, register and syntax can be as powerful a device in terms of relating or communicating a thought/concept as its figurative counterparts.

I believe register is important to poetry because it embodies the nature of the poet's voice, it adds spice and individuality to a poem in this sense and it allows for language to be natural and less stale. There are many who would disagree, but one of my fears with regards to poetry is that it is becoming more and more formulaic under the prevalence of style driven free verse as opposed to the actuality of freedom that free verse should represent.

You may have been crowned the Queen of Sheba,
but I am the King of all I survey

You are crowned the Queen of Sheba;
I am king of all I survey

If you can be crowned the Queen of Sheba,
I will be the king of all I survey

You are Queen of Sheba;
I rule all I survey.

If you'd like to suggest alternatives, go ahead -- or even discuss any other individual verse/couplet/quatrain/stanza.

JohnL · Dec 2, 2011

Each version carries a different tone/voice, if you’re looking for insight on that here’s how I read:

1. Bragging
2. Argumentative
3. Arrogant
4. Matter-of-fact

Of course, in a two-line slice of words tone/meaning may even be more reliant on the reader’s mood/state of mind, as a second read through has:

1. Flirtatious
2. Condescending
3. Hopeful
4. Exaggerative

So short answer for one of your questions: none work best, all just work differently. A flourished style, a bare bones one, and everything in between should be read, practiced, and used out there. Each have advantages and disadvantages depending on what’s trying to be conveyed -- how diplomatic, no?

kborsden · Dec 2, 2011

Not diplomatic at all really, exactly what I wanted to hear. Grammar and syntax should depend on what the poet wants to convey, not a formula or (forced) ideal of what is right or wrong. In the right hands any formulation of words in any sense, for so long as it is coherent and/or natural enough to read, can be a powerful aid in communicating a specific thought...

Thanks for stopping by.

Debbie V · Dec 5, 2011

If the poem is a story with characters, which seems to be the case above, the author should use whichever forms and tenses work best for demonstrating those characters in their plot. Which of the above would this king say? To me, it's about keeping it real.

kdnxdr · Dec 11, 2011

"You may have been crowned the Queen of Sheba,
but I am the King of all I survey"

I like the first one the best. I don't know how to say why except that it sounds "richer" to me. Like you can have cake that is from a box that is okay but a cake from scratch seems to taste "richer".

Voice, Register and Syntax as Device

kborsden

Has a few recurring issues

JohnL

Hmmmm...

kborsden

Has a few recurring issues

Debbie V

Mentoring Myself and Others

kdnxdr

One of the most important people in the world