How We Met

I'm afraid that if I answered that question directly we would both be banned. Suffice it to say that her performance had barely begun when the police raided the place.

Well, it's a funny story if you let Nymtoc tell it. You see he was blind drunk and he couldn't make his key fit in his own door, so he stumbled around the neighbourhood trying to find a door it would fit. When he came to my house he finally gave up and smashed a window to get inside. Two days later when I arrived home from holidays he was making himself breakfast in my kitchen, still convinced it was his house.

Drachen, my psychotic stalker seems to still have elusions that he should live in my house. If he tries to make me burnt pancakes again I will have no choice but to shoot him.

I first met Greenify at an environmentalist rally, but she thought it was a turfgrass short course for golf course managers.

Chris came over after answering a craigslist ad on someone to pick nits off me for bananas. 30 minutes and 300 nits later, he'd all but finished the bunch of bananas and was working on his second cigar.

There I was, sitting at the stop light, minding my own business, when this crazy bimbo driving an immaculate white '78 Trans Am locks up the brakes and comes to a screeching halt next to me. She rolled down her window, and, you know the rest of the story.

Yes MidlifeMark, I know the rest of the story. I came over and told you that if you didn't put another $20 down I'd have to kick you off the Cafe's computer. You didn't have the dough so I shut down your Second Life.

(This is the way we should do it, each 'meeting' running chronologically, directly after the previous meeting)

I had just passed the collection basket to the woman sitting next to me in church. She appeared to be quite attractive, but it was difficult to tell because of the veil that obscured her face. I couldn't help but notice that she dropped a "$5 off any 50 lb. bag of Purina Dog Chow" coupon in the basket, and took out $4 in change. I found this so unusual that I later followed her out of the church and watched as she disappeared into the back of a long black limousine that appeared as if by magic. The vanity license plate on the limo read "FLYINGTART".

MidLife first appeared at my door selling magazine subscriptions. Looking down at his feet, he wimpered, "You probably wouldn't want to get any magazines, would you?" I succumbed to the pity I felt for this ragged wretch shivering on my door step, and paid the $2 for a year of "Big Bucks Making Bead Bracelets". The mag never showed. Once a year he comes by, sells me another great magazine that never shows up, and we have coffee and a doughnut.

As part of the fieldwork for my doctorate, I went canvassing door-to-door in the guise of a student selling magazine subscriptions. My target list was compiled from the Department of Literary Law Enforcement's database of known grammar offenders. I was so touched by iLion's kind and generous heart that I applied the magazine subscription fees to the renewal of his poetic license, long since revoked for a series of hit-and-pun incidents that were somehow traced to him.

On the moon, of course! She was trying to blow up Earth in an evil-alien way, I was trying to set up a mind-control device. You can say we came to an agreement of sorts.

we were at the grocery store. I'd left my cart unattended for a few minutes while trying to find my favorite brand of olives, and came back to it to find some ragged bum rooting through my things. I tried to politely tell him to stop, to leave my food alone, but it turned into a fistfight in the middle of the store. Of course we were both arrested, but we bonded together in a lightly comedic manner during the 48 hours we were locked up.

we both reached for the last pack of gum......

I met RedWritingHood on the way to her grandmother's house. She was carrying fancy breads, specialty cheeses, and a bottle of a lovely South African wine. She wanted to know which fork to take in the road and I, I told her to take the one less traveled. I hope it has made all the difference.

I first saw Chris P when he was standing on a corner, shabbily dressed, in the midst of our latest snowstorm. I thought he was looking for a handout, but it turned out he was selling metaphors on little scraps of paper. Feeling sorry for him, I bought a metaphor for a quarter. It read, "Life is a donut." I happened to be carrying a box of donuts, so I gave a sugared one to the poor wretch. He looked at it disdainfully and said, "Don't you have any glazed ones?"

I met Nymtoc at a seminar on Ecopoetry. He reached for his pen and spilled my tea all over my papers. The poems made much more sense after that.

I had just completed the run-up checklist and was about to taxi to the runway when another airplane announced that he was turning base to final for landing. I held my position and sat back to watch the other plane land. This gorgeous Stearman biplane makes a perfect wheel landing, rolls out, and taxis past me and onto the ramp. As I'm sitting there and checking out the plane, this guy in a leather helmet, goggles, and white scarf jumps out of the front cockpit with a briefcase that looked as if it was stuffed with $100 bills. At that moment, a BMW R60 with a sidecar roars up, and the guy jumps into the sidecar and off they go. He peeled off his helmet and goggles and revealed the flawless face and flowing blonde hair of a startlingly beautiful woman. I got on the radio to the Stearman pilot and said, "Who the hell was that character?" The Stearman pilot replied, "Don't tell anybody, but that was the Whimsical Rabbit." And he did a 180, taxied back out onto the runway, and took off heading down the river and into the sunset. As I took off, climbed out, and turned on course, I said to myself, "Where have I heard that name before?"

I was on a flight from New York to Podunk when I met MidlifeMark. He sat down next to me and immediately started telling jokes, usually beginning with "Did you hear the one about..." I tried to indicate politely that I wasn't in the mood for jokes, but he continued telling them throughout the flight. I was relieved when we finally landed, but to be fair, I have to admit that some of his jokes were funny.

Met Nymtoc in the Vision Center of a local store. He stood there trying to decide between two different frames.
"I want one that really makes my hair stand out." So I sent him to the Electrical and Lighting Department. His hair had never looked better, or so I've heard!

I remember well when we met. The zombies had closed in on our van and BeatrixKiddo was driving. I only had a few Molotov Cocktails left, but BeatrixKiddo managed to maneuver through the burning wreckage on the highway and pushed the pedal on the gas. I lit up the fastest zombie with my last Molotov, and we headed out into the night, wondering what would happen when the dawn arrived with more zombies.