The Bad Analogies and Metaphors Thread

This is stickier than the donation room at a sperm bank.

His idea of multi-tasking is pissing in the bathtub.

I'd rather play hacky sack with a hornet's nest while brushing my teeth with a belt sander.

I'd rather spend the night in a cement mixer full of Siamese cats.

He was spawned in the shallow end of the gene pool.

If one of these pills will cure my addiction, I wonder what two of them will do. (This one is not original, and its not an analogy, but its funnier than a hairless cat at a weenie roast.)

k.san said:

"She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just bfore it throws up."

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I have to use that one somewhere.... that made my day...

I wanted to bump this thread because it's a good exercise. But my brain is duller than a hospital dinner tray right now so I can't think of any delightful metaphores designed to make you snort whatever beverage you have through your nose.

"Why, we're busier down here than a one-armed man at a butt-grabbing contest!"

And people wondered why I hated dealing with one dude at the Austin, TX office.

Fall dies as quickly as a dirty old man having vigorous sex with Paris Hilton.

How did I miss this...

soleary said:

Colder than a ditch diggers ass

Sweating like a one-armed wallpaper hanger

dumber than a fence post

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Sweating like a whore in church

Dumber than chocolate pants at an outdoor Las Vegas photographers' convention. ( think that one came from Get A Life....)

I went down like a herd of gnats at a DDT demonstration.

Dale

I'm busier than a man that has a lot to do

As useful as Michael Jordon with a baseball bat.

What's a meta for, anyway?