Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 1

Status
Not open for further replies.

James D. Macdonald

Your Genial Uncle
Absolute Sage
VPX
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 11, 2005
Messages
25,582
Reaction score
3,785
Location
New Hampshire
Website
madhousemanor.wordpress.com
What you need to do is make BIC time for both writing the new and editing the old. The process will make you a stronger writer.


Tomorrow's Saturday. Take the manuscript that's been sitting in the desk drawer, take the day, and read it straight through as if you were someone who'd picked it up in a bookshop. If something positively glares at you ... you're allowed to put a red mark beside it in the margin. Otherwise, just do a cold read-through.

That'll give you an idea of where you stand.
 

James D. Macdonald

Your Genial Uncle
Absolute Sage
VPX
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 11, 2005
Messages
25,582
Reaction score
3,785
Location
New Hampshire
Website
madhousemanor.wordpress.com
Junius Brown, the Tragedian

[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier]JUNIUS BROWN THE TRAGEDIAN, or "NO MATTER!"

I'm an actor who's seen better days,
For I once was a star I've a notion;
I've been toss'd about all sorts of ways
Upon the theatrical ocean.
But jealousy, spite and all that
Has brought me down to but a seedy 'un
It's been all caused by envy -- that's flat
For I once was a heavy tragedian.

CHORUS:
[/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier] I've been a bright star in my time, [/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier] Though now I'm reduced to a seedy 'un;[/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier] In me you may please to behold --[/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier] Junius Brown the Tragedian.[/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier]
You have all seen my name in the bills,
Which is Junius Antonius Brown, sirs;
And I flatter myself to have caused --
Great excitment in many a town, sirs;
My last 'shop' was the Garrick, Whitechapel;
In a 'part' that I could above any fit,
My 'screw' sirs, for only six nights
Was two pounds and a half a clear benefit.

SPOKEN: That was money, but what do they offer talent now! I was actually offered the other day twenty-five 'bob' per week to play Othello, the Clown in the Pantomime, and do bill-sticking in the mornings. Did I accept it? Blood and blue fire! Never! NEVER! but no matter, a time may come when they will be glad to secure the services of Brown the Tragedian.

CHORUS:
[/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier] I've been a bright star in my time, [/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier] Though now I'm reduced to a seedy 'un;[/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier] In me you may please to behold --[/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier] Junius Brown the Tragedian.[/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier]

Since Kemble none like me's been seen,
Yet nought but bad luck is my portion;
My friends say I'm better than Kean,
That my 'Richard' and "Hamlet's' a caution.
They say my declaiming's a treat --
In the speech over Caesar by Antony;
I can do the soft parts low and sweet,
Likewise I can 'pile up the agony.'

SPOKEN: For two consecutive weeks was I the leading attraction at the Royal Bower, and should have startled the world at Drury Lane; but for professional malice. I am kept off the boards out of fear. They know I should render Shakespeare's great characters as they have never been rendered before. My reading of his plays is entirely different to Macready, Kean, Phelps, T. C. King, and all those fellows, -- They know that, -- but no matter, a time may come when they will cringe to Brown the Tragedian.

CHORUS:
[/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier] I've been a bright star in my time, [/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier] Though now I'm reduced to a seedy 'un;[/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier] In me you may please to behold --[/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier] Junius Brown the Tragedian.[/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier]
I search through the 'Era' each week
And I 'write in' when talent's required,
But they say they don't know me (there's cheek
Of such insults and envy I'm tired.)
They offer me terms for a 'super,'
Or ask if I'm up to 'utility.'
But I'll starve and remain as I am --
An artiste of wondrous ability.

SPOKEN: Me, ME! Junius Antonius Brown descend to do the cock in Hamlet, or Bobby in the Pantomime. Ye Gods and small fishes! Rather would I descend from my pedestal of fame and become a comic vocalist. But no matter! NO MATTER!! The time may come when they will be glad to pile gold at the feet of Brown the Tragedian.

CHORUS:
[/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier] I've been a bright star in my time, [/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier] Though now I'm reduced to a seedy 'un;[/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier] In me you may please to behold --[/font][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial,Helv,Helvetica][font=FixedSys,Courier New,Courier] Junius Brown the Tragedian.

====================

[/font][/font]​
Brown the Tragedian (No Matter!) as sung with great success by Arthur Lloyd. Copyright July 3rd, 1870.
 

black winged fighter

AW Addict
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 19, 2005
Messages
568
Reaction score
155
Location
Austin, TX
NicoleJLeBoeuf said:
Reminds me of one of Neil Gaiman's Sandman stories, "Collectors," in which a serial killer rhapsodizes about his favorite, secret place to find children to "play with." He describes a company policy of turning a blind eye to such incidents in order to avoid bad publicity. He wears Mickey Mouse ears through the whole comic book issue, including the page on which he attempts an assault on the main character while singing "It's a Small World After All."

It was abundantly clear that he was referring to Disney World--there wasn't even a half-assed attempt to create a sort of fictional surrogate like "Wally World"--and the character's description of the blind eye practice is probably more realistic than we'd like to think, but to my knowledge the wrath of Disney has not made an appearance in retaliation.

It's interesting how far you can go with this sort of thing in fiction.

Actually, I own that issue, and I know a few things about the Walt Disney topic. As far as I know, in his first draft, Gaiman had the serial killer wearing Mouse ears and talking about Disney. However, he was told to make the reference not quite so overt, so he changed the shape of the ears (they're pointy, now) and the guy uses 'Fun Land' as his name.
While it was still obvious that Gaiman was talking about Disney, his details weren't so specific that he could get in trouble.
 

Nangleator

Rep Point Whore
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 4, 2005
Messages
408
Reaction score
59
Location
Dracut, Massachusetts
I've queried a publisher, then a couple months later discovered they accept unsolicited manuscripts.

What's the best procedure to follow here? Plainly, I want the reply to request my manuscript, but what if it's a rejection of the query? Does that disqualify me from submitting the manuscript down the road?

How awkward is it to send the manuscript as unsolicited while my query is still pending?

I'm not really an idiot, you see. I just went through all my old rejection letters to see if Ace rejected me in the past. They did, but the letter isn't dated. Was the rejection a month ago, or two years ago? Plainly, I should date the rejections as they come in, and list what's being rejected. Lesson learned.

So I'm stuck wondering whether my query has already been rejected or whether it's pending. I guess either way, it's bad mojo to send the manuscript now.
 

Ken Schneider

Absolute sagebrush
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 27, 2005
Messages
1,977
Reaction score
414
Location
location,location.
Okay, Uncle Jim.

Read my drawered work yesterday. Made plenty of red pencil corrections, and fixed those on the M.S.

Printed out the reworked copy.

Is it ready for my beta's at this point?

If so, when they return their comments, I consider those, make the changes I feel are good, then send it around for possible pub?

Ken-
 

NicoleJLeBoeuf

a work in progress
VPX
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 12, 2005
Messages
1,496
Reaction score
580
Location
Boulder, Colorado
Website
www.nicolejleboeuf.com
black winged fighter said:
Actually, I own that issue, and I know a few things about the Walt Disney topic. As far as I know, in his first draft, Gaiman had the serial killer wearing Mouse ears and talking about Disney. However, he was told to make the reference not quite so overt, so he changed the shape of the ears (they're pointy, now) and the guy uses 'Fun Land' as his name.
While it was still obvious that Gaiman was talking about Disney, his details weren't so specific that he could get in trouble.
I recall the "Fun Land" euphemism, but I could swear...oh, wait, you're right! He was wearing wolf ears! There was a panel that made very good use of that, actually, conflating his face with the wolf face on his shirt to indicate his violent tendencies.

I'm not a very good comic book collector; I tend to give my originals away to friends as soon as I aquire the trade paperbacks. And my TP of that storyline hasn't left my bookshelf in a while.

Anyway, the reference was pretty clear to me, even given the obliqueness of the references. I'm surprised he didn't have to change more than he did to make it to print. I suppose the line you don't want to cross will shift depending on how big a name you're impugning, how big a name you have, how big a name your publisher has, and how sensitive the subject is to the allusion. Navigating your way on the safe side of the line is probably a conversation an author will have with his publisher after acceptance.

BTW, love your new avatar!
 

Andrew Jameson

(not his real name)
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 14, 2005
Messages
1,701
Reaction score
623
Location
Detroit
I don't really have a question or anything; I just thought it was high time I thanked Uncle Jim. I started reading this thread early last year, back when it had twenty pages or so. I've posted two or three times, but I've mostly lurked. Read every single post in the thread. Forgotten most of them, to be sure, but enough has stuck with me that I think I've become a far, far better writer for it.

So, thanks Uncle Jim! This thread has been invaluable.
 

James D. Macdonald

Your Genial Uncle
Absolute Sage
VPX
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 11, 2005
Messages
25,582
Reaction score
3,785
Location
New Hampshire
Website
madhousemanor.wordpress.com
Not quite yet for the betas, Changling, unless you really want to. Now make sure the opening is the absolutely perfect opening for this book. Make sure the climax is the absolutely perfect climax.

Are all the scenes there? Are any scenes that you don't need present?

Then go through, not as a reader, but as an editor. Hold a pistol to each word and ask "Are you the perfect word?" Ask the adjectives to justify their existence. Is anything vague? Are all the descriptions fresh, and spot on?

I know some writers who re-type the whole work from scratch at this point. They figure that if a paragraph isn't worth retyping, it isn't worth reading.
 
Last edited:

Ken Schneider

Absolute sagebrush
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 27, 2005
Messages
1,977
Reaction score
414
Location
location,location.
Thanks Jim,

I don't want to cut any corners. I'll give it the evil eye.

Your help is much appreciated,
Thanks again, Ken
 

hpoppink

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 20, 2005
Messages
70
Reaction score
5
Location
Farmington Hills, MI
Website
www.livejournal.com
James D. Macdonald said:
I know some writers who re-type the whole work from scratch at this point. They figure that if a paragraph isn't worth retyping, it isn't worth reading.

Thanks for the constant stream of helpful advice. I just finished my first draft and know it's awful. I plan to rewrite it from scratch after I work on a completely different novel for the next few months.

That being said, should I still practice my editing skills on this first version? Is it worth that kind of work if I am certain the current story will never be publishable?
 

James D. Macdonald

Your Genial Uncle
Absolute Sage
VPX
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 11, 2005
Messages
25,582
Reaction score
3,785
Location
New Hampshire
Website
madhousemanor.wordpress.com
hpoppink said:
That being said, should I still practice my editing skills on this first version? Is it worth that kind of work if I am certain the current story will never be publishable?

If you don't practice your editing skills, how will you ever obtain them?
 

Lenora Rose

Renaissance Vixen
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 12, 2005
Messages
142
Reaction score
17
Location
Winnipeg, MB
Website
www.lenorarose.com
Also, editing what you have will make it even clearer what all you have to change in the rewrite. You'll be able to look at the big picture and find the scenes worth keeping.

Editing is more than fixing sentences.
 

Mike Martyn

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 14, 2005
Messages
432
Reaction score
56
Location
Canada
James D. Macdonald said:
What you need to do is make BIC time for both writing the new and editing the old. The process will make you a stronger writer.


Tomorrow's Saturday. Take the manuscript that's been sitting in the desk drawer, take the day, and read it straight through as if you were someone who'd picked it up in a bookshop. If something positively glares at you ... you're allowed to put a red mark beside it in the margin. Otherwise, just do a cold read-through.

That'll give you an idea of where you stand.



I read it all the way through. The starting point isn't where I thought it was at all. I'm going to lose the flashback in the first five pages and start it from the beginning of the former flashback. It will read better and allow for better character development from the get go. Thanks for theadvice.
 

alanna

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 1, 2005
Messages
1,159
Reaction score
211
Location
New England
UJ- I love the exerpt? If there's more comming, will you let us know? :)


-alanna
 

Roger J Carlson

Moderator In Name Only
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 19, 2005
Messages
12,799
Reaction score
2,499
Location
West Michigan
triceretops said:
James, I'll bet you've churned out more than one exceptional writing talent/student. Brag accepted in a major way.

Tri
As I was accepted to Viable Paradise this fall, I'm certainly hoping this is the case!
 

azbikergirl

I really do look like this.
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 12, 2005
Messages
886
Reaction score
71
Location
not in AZ anymore...
Website
fantasyauthor.blogspot.com
I've started a SF novel which spans about 30 years. I want to start with one character and his discovery. Then he has a child, who is oddly affected by his discovery. As she grows older, he's intrigued with this anomaly and spends some time investigating. But everything doesn't really come to a head until after she's an adult, at which point she becomes the main character.

I was thinking to divide it into two parts, with dad as the MC in part 1, and daughter as MC in part 2. The alternative is to make it all the daughter's story and drop in the bits about dad's early discovery as I find opportunities. Am I making this too complicated? It seems the straight chronological order would be easiest.
 

Mistook

Neverending WIP
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 12, 2005
Messages
882
Reaction score
65
Location
Aurora, Illinois.
Website
www.myspace.com
azbikergirl said:
...The alternative is to make it all the daughter's story and drop in the bits about dad's early discovery as I find opportunities. Am I making this too complicated? It seems the straight chronological order would be easiest.

Bikergirl,

Just my two cents, but you'll prolly be better off starting with the daughter.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.