Book openings that stop you reading

seun · May 20, 2011

When it comes to the openings of books, what puts you off reading any further? A particular book just caught my eye; I only made it to halfway through the second paragraph before putting the book down, annoyed by how clumsily the author shoved background information* into the story.

So what puts you off from a book and how long are you willing to stick with a tale to see if it improves?

*What did it for me was the author having to explain who wrote To Kill A Mockingbird in such a basic and childish way.

Phaeal · May 20, 2011

Clunky prose and/or a narrative voice I don't like.

Hook-fail: trying too hard to pull me in with instant action or other gimmicks.

Gratuitous snarkery on the MC's part. I'm thinking of a certain opening where the MC and her BFF go to a club, and the MC immediately launches an all-out snark assault not only on everyone else in the club but on her BFF. Ergh. Dear, thinking you're better than everyone else in the universe does not make it so, nor does it necessarily establish you as a sparkling wit.

scarletpeaches · May 20, 2011

Beating me over the head with THIS CHARACTER IS SAD. LOOK. LOOK AT HER CRY. A la PS, I Love You, which I'll admit I did get through eventually on the second attempt, but the entire book was chock full of such clumsy on-the-nose emoting. That first impression of "Oh Christ, this book's fucking awful," was true; it carried right through the entire novel and yes, it was fucking awful. Even Gerard Butler can't get me to watch the film, especially as they've changed the setting and much of the original story. Why bother?

I once beta-read a chapter which started off with the main character crying. I asked the author, "Why should I care about her? You haven't engaged me." She went apeshit. Oh well. No great loss to the writing world.

crunchyblanket · May 20, 2011

Second person narrative. Kills me every time. Fortunately, it's very rare.

Books that start with long, meandering passages describing some abstract concept...the nature of love, or the meaning of despair. Give me some story, for christ's sake.

Awkward description. I remember reading a Dean Koontz book that opened with some line about the rain nailing the night to the city. I never read any further.

Or that bit in the Da Vinci Code where he talks about the main character's attractiveness, but it sounds more like he's describing a flat-pack wardrobe from the Argos catalogue.

Mr Flibble · May 20, 2011

Nothing interesting. Maybe boring voice, or navelgazing or whathaveyou. Nothing that tells me #this is interesting'. An no, it doesn't have to be an explosion. It could just be a great voice, showing me something in a way I've never seen it before. One of my fave openers starts with a really lyrical description (short, two lines) on the nature of story that put me right into the narrators shoes/head (and era). Then he says that HIS story starts when he died

Also putdownable, showing me what you think is one thing, but it patently ain't. In one instance, introing a character as what I assume was supposed to be a 'strong woman', but just made me think 'psycho crazy bitch from hell!' but everyone loved her anyway, even if she does pulverise a man half to death for no reason in the first couple of pages. And it was obvious I was supposed to like her....

gothicangel · May 20, 2011

In historicals, characters who seem to have stepped out of the 21st century into the book. With modern ideas of gender roles etc.

quicklime · May 20, 2011

never quit a book in less than a few pages, but I seem to be one of the few here who advocates reading really shitty work....for me, if it was so bad I wanted to toss it by the end of the first page, that would be as great a reason to study that thing as if it were a classic. Sort of like building a better car, dissect and analyze the wreckage for what went so horribly wrong....

seun · May 20, 2011

scarletpeaches said:
Beating me over the head with THIS CHARACTER IS SAD. LOOK. LOOK AT HER CRY. A la PS, I Love You, which I'll admit I did get through eventually on the second attempt, but the entire book was chock full of such clumsy on-the-nose emoting. That first impression of "Oh Christ, this book's fucking awful," was true; it carried right through the entire novel and yes, it was fucking awful. Even Gerard Butler can't get me to watch the film, especially as they've changed the setting and much of the original story. Why bother?

Wow. It must be bad.

crunchyblanket said:
Second person narrative. Kills me every time. Fortunately, it's very rare.

Books that start with long, meandering passages describing some abstract concept...the nature of love, or the meaning of despair. Give me some story, for christ's sake.

Awkward description. I remember reading a Dean Koontz book that opened with some line about the rain nailing the night to the city. I never read any further.

Or that bit in the Da Vinci Code where he talks about the main character's attractiveness, but it sounds more like he's describing a flat-pack wardrobe from the Argos catalogue.

I don't mind second person too much although as you say, it's rare. Definitely with you on the wanting some story. Ditto Koontz and (obviously) DVC.

I think what annoyed me the most about the example I had earlier was how ham-fisted the mention of Harper Lee was. It read as if the author thought I better state outright who wrote the book so my readers don't have to use their brains and think about it or actually look it up themselves.

Graz · May 20, 2011

Only one book did I put down before finishing and I can't remeber the author or title, but I do remeber, 'bouganvilla.' It flowed, spread and grew. Spilled over walls and onto walk ways. It represented many things. I think it was purple. He missed badly in setting the tone.

Devil Ledbetter · May 20, 2011

Great gobs of extra words are an instant turn off. If my desire to run for a red pen is overriding my interest in the story, I bail.

For example:

I don’t know why I ~~ever~~ agreed to her shenanigans. They were always ~~much~~ more fun for her ~~then~~[than] ~~they were for~~ me. Being the less sexy sidekick wasn’t ~~a very~~ glamorous ~~life~~.

(I'll refrain from naming this particular author, since I don't want to make the thread about her.)

Libbie · May 20, 2011

gothicangel said:
In historicals, characters who seem to have stepped out of the 21st century into the book. With modern ideas of gender roles etc.

THIS!!!

I will admit that I had a very difficult time getting through the first few chapters of Game of Thrones when I first tried to read it. It was so slow and plodding. Eventually I picked it up again and discovered that I totally loved the rest of the book and now the series is among my all-time favorites out of all the books I've ever read. I still wish it had a more interesting opening, though.

Jettica · May 20, 2011

Descriptions of characters, straight away, and how they're all so attractive despite this and despite that.

Too much scene setting. If there are no people mentioned in the first paragraph then I don't care. So what there's a big dark wood with leaves and trunks and a clearing. What the fuck is going to happen there? (Then nothing happens there and it's the city nearby the we need to worry about... grr.)

parumpdragon · May 20, 2011

I don't know, I am very picky about books. As someone above said, it irks me when the writer tries to force you to like a character in the first sentence. It also is irksome when they throw sadness (insert any/other emotion) at you through the book and you just don't feel it or care.

BunnyMaz · May 20, 2011

Or that bit in the Da Vinci Code where he talks about the main character's attractiveness, but it sounds more like he's describing a flat-pack wardrobe from the Argos catalogue.

Speaking of Dan Brown, a pet peeve of mine that he is very ~~quilty~~ GUILTY of. He's not even a little bit Quilty, I swear..

Seemingly irrelevent tidbit of info is disclosed
Little did he know that this knowledge would SAVE HIS LIFE in only TWO HOURS!!!!!!11!!!!!!11

Because nothing makes suspense or plot twists more exciting than knowing about them a chapter ahead of time.

scarletpeaches · May 20, 2011

It's impossible for the POV characters to know things ahead of time anyway.

"Little did he know," translates as "Piss-poor foreshadowing."

Jettica · May 20, 2011

I hate it when the character is described within their own POV. They wouldn't be thinking about their hair or eye colour! Unless there's a mirror scene. *sigh*

JoNightshade · May 20, 2011

For the life of me I can't remember what book this was now, but I saw it at the store, picked it up, liked the blurb on the back, and flipped to the first page.

"All of a sudden..."

That was the beginning of the first sentence. I closed the book and put it down.

I just... yeah, I don't care if it was the best book in the entire world. I just can't read a book that starts that way.

Devil Ledbetter · May 20, 2011

BunnyMaz said:
Speaking of Dan Brown, a pet peeve of mine that he is very ~~quilty~~ GUILTY of. He's not even a little bit Quilty, I swear..

Seemingly irrelevent tidbit of info is disclosed
Little did he know that this knowledge would SAVE HIS LIFE in only TWO HOURS!!!!!!11!!!!!!11

Because nothing makes suspense or plot twists more exciting than knowing about them a chapter ahead of time.

But I loved when Kurt Vonnegut put an asterisk next to the name of any character who would be dead (in Galapagos) by the end of that chapter. Maybe it worked because it was in omni. The reaction (for me) was Whaat? She's going to die? How? Why? *read read read read read*

seun · May 20, 2011

scarletpeaches said:
It's impossible for the POV characters to know things ahead of time anyway.

"Little did he know," translates as "Piss-poor foreshadowing."

I think if I actually read little did he know, I'd have to punch myself in the face just to take my mind off it.

scarletpeaches · May 20, 2011

Little did seun know, scarletpeaches was waiting to be entertained by some auto-facepunching.

RobJ · May 20, 2011

Devil Ledbetter said:
But I loved when Kurt Vonnegut put an asterisk next to the name of any character who would be dead (in Galapagos) by the end of that chapter.

Yeah, me too.

Wojciehowicz · May 20, 2011

I love the use of opening quotes, but DETEST their use when the immediate following prose/dialogue leads right into NOTHING having to do with the idea. If the quote is relative to the whole book, let it stand on a separate page before the chapter or act section so there's no cognitive linkage. I can say later "ohhhh". Shakespeare is right out. Too often done. I only let it slide in research papers and scholarly books. Though, I'd prefer the authors proving that they were at least acquainted with the foundational thinkers of the area by quoting the antecedents.

Exception: when the usage is exactly opposite on purpose to let me know that the characters are going to be trying very hard to do very stupid and self-defeating things. Then it's like a Coen brothers movie moment.

jimbro · May 20, 2011

I just finished (re-) reading '101 Best Beginnings ever written' by Barnaby Conrad.

It is not just about the good beginnings, but the bad ones too. One of Dicken's novels is mentioned, where he opens up with a dozen (slight exaggeration) page description of fog.

At the risk of being labelled a shill, this book is recommended.

I especially enjoyed the little story where Upton Sinclair, on a transatlantic crossing saw a young lady start to read one of his novels. He had never seen anyone actually reading his books and was enchanted by the sight. She read one page, got up, went to the railing and dropped his book into the ocean.

This incident made me want to look up the book to see what could have been so bad (my library didn't have a copy, so I haven't read it yet.): http://www.patrickkillough.com/books/sinclairlewis_coolidge.html

blrude · May 20, 2011

Any time I read a description of the lead, and feel the impulse to flip to the back of the book and see how much he or she looks like the author.

That one makes me unhappy.

Chris1981 · May 20, 2011

I picked up a novel and found that the first several pages were excruciatingly detailed descriptions of everyday objects in the house. The characters were briefly mentioned several paragraphs down because they apparently weren't nearly as important as the dozen or so objects on the kitchen table, or the half dozen things on the floor, or the twenty-odd random things on the coffee table, etc.

I DON'T CARE. The characters - y'know, those fellows barely mentioned at all in the first several pages - should be DOING SOMETHING. If the people aren't important (say, for example, the story's about the objects coming to life and slaughtering them), then have the salt shaker and its buddies DOING SOMETHING, not just sitting there like the boring things they are. Hell, start the story from General Pepper Mill's POV while he's recruiting Private Netbook and Specialist Cat Litter for battle. I'd be HAPPY to read about that.

Book openings that stop you reading

Horror Man

Whatever I did, I didn't do it.

the Juggernaut of Imperfection

They've been very bad, Mr Flibble

Toughen up.

all out of fucks to give

Horror Man

Come on you stranger, you legend,

Worst song played on ugliest guitar

Superfluously multisyllabic

I sometimes hiccup fire

Ruining your porn since 1984

Superfluously multisyllabic

has finally arrived

Come on you stranger, you legend,

Horror Man

Alien to My Own Planet

Just Another Transman