Ray's House of Love (Volume II)

I am sorry to hear Fizzy is single again.


When we lay down to go to bed, we hug until I'm almost asleep, then I roll over to face away and he faces the other way to sleep. I do notice when it is cold I tend to lay right next to him and when it is warm I am farther away from him. I would face him more when I sleep but my hip hurts so I can only sleep on one side anyway.


I'm feel low today. I was clingy and weepy on the weekend, and I really would rather see Mr. Groove at lunch then go to the gym. I don't know what to do. I have 22 minutes to decide.

Fizz, though you deleted your post, I'd still like to answer to the little bit that's preserved in SG's post...

Again, SG's answers very closely reflect my own thoughts though I could never have worded it so well.

No, I did not lead my husband on and I chose not to pretend I was otherwise than I am. Similarly, he chose not to act like someone else or hide his quirks while we dated. That way, we both knew what we were signing ourselves up for. Sixteen years later, it still amazes me that he loves me just the way I am and that he chose me over his totally gorgeous and incredibly nice ex-girlfriend. (Yes, I met her and she’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever come across.)

Perle_Rare said:

Again, SG's answers very closely reflect my own thoughts though I could never have worded it so well.

No, I did not lead my husband on and I chose not to pretend I was otherwise than I am. Similarly, he chose not to act like someone else or hide his quirks while we dated. That way, we both knew what we were signing ourselves up for. Sixteen years later, it still amazes me that he loves me just the way I am and that he chose me over his totally gorgeous and incredibly nice ex-girlfriend. (Yes, I met her and she’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever come across.)

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Oh, we are too much alike.
I met my Hub's gorgeous ex. And I went in just knowing I wouldn't like her, but she was so nice, I practically fell for her. Sooooo frustrating. She was a total sweetheart and I could see what my husband saw in her.
We've been married 14 years, and yeah, to this day, I'm still amazed he chose me, and still chooses me each and every day.

Fizz, I went back and deleted where I had quoted you. I'm sorry, I didn't realize you didn't want them quoted. It's terrible how you were treated so badly and were left so shell shocked. From what I know of you, you are an amazing man, and I'm sorry she somehow lost sight of that.

Maryn said:

So, my day is becoming kind of blue. Anybody wanna cuddle? (I'm being silly, and I know it, but when I announced in the genre-specific thread that I'd finished something, nobody expressed any interest whatsoever. The regulars routinely crit and beta for one another, know the names of one another's characters, and act as cheerleaders for every effort. I'm feeling like the Little Match Girl watching the people in the warm house have their fancy meal. Sigh... Okay, I'm done. Big girls hitch up their socks and seek their validation elsewhere.)(Yes, Sassy, I'm wearing socks!)

I'd have a glass of wine, but I have to drive later. A woman in my critique group has a one-act play getting a script-in-hand reading tonight, and I want to go. Even though it means parallel parking the minivan in poorly-plowed city streets. God, I hope it's not park-on-the-left day.

Maryn, dour and sour, thank you very much

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I'm sorry Maryn. I think I know what you're talking about but haven't been over there yet.
How 'bout a virtual hug?
Good luck with the parking if you decide to go. It sounds like it might be a good time, minus the parking.

Rich...I feel for you. There is a similar thing happening in my family right now...and it is quite shocking how quickly some people seem to change---both in actions and in values. I had a rough fall coming to terms with the situation. It's quite further removed than the one you find yourself in---so I can't even imagine what you're going through. I'm terribly sorry. I know there is no comfort inside the moment...but I hope you are able to get through it and that you have a great real-life support team around you.

Maryn...enjoy the play run-through tonight. I so love the theatre...and get the sense that you do too...so I hope it raises your mood for you. And you can always have a late night cap of wine when you return home. (-;

Maryn said:

So, my day is becoming kind of blue. Anybody wanna cuddle? (I'm being silly, and I know it, but when I announced in the genre-specific thread that I'd finished something, nobody expressed any interest whatsoever. The regulars routinely crit and beta for one another, know the names of one another's characters, and act as cheerleaders for every effort. I'm feeling like the Little Match Girl watching the people in the warm house have their fancy meal. Sigh... Okay, I'm done. Big girls hitch up their socks and seek their validation elsewhere.)(Yes, Sassy, I'm wearing socks!)

I'd have a glass of wine, but I have to drive later. A woman in my critique group has a one-act play getting a script-in-hand reading tonight, and I want to go. Even though it means parallel parking the minivan in poorly-plowed city streets. God, I hope it's not park-on-the-left day.

Maryn, dour and sour, thank you very much

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I know this feeling. I can't be there in your physical space to comfort you with the hug I'd most certainly give you (wanted or not) so I will just say that when I'm feeling like this, a nice hot bath, flannel pj pants and hoodie with slippers and one of my rag quilts in front of the fire place with hot cocoa (marshmallows included) and a good romantic comedy or comedy in general lift my spirits and if I was there, we'd gab into the night and giggle ourselves silly.

Wouldn't that be awesome?! Writerville. Where we're reclusive, together.

You guys would hate me. LOL. I'd come knocking on your doors with a pot of coffee and drag you to the table with your latest work for a critiquing circle first thing in the morning. Okay so granted for me first thing is like NOON.

As long as you bring coffee, I think we'd all be fine.

(Though I get up at 4:30, so noon is nap time)

storygirl said:

As long as you bring coffee, I think we'd all be fine.

(Though I get up at 4:30, so noon is nap time)

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LOL. Show off. I'll bring hot cocoa alternatively.

I so want to live in Writerville. We'd have so much fun.

Cassiopeia said:

You guys would hate me. LOL. I'd come knocking on your doors with a pot of coffee and drag you to the table with your latest work for a critiquing circle first thing in the morning. Okay so granted for me first thing is like NOON.

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sorry...but this does not seem like a bad thing. this seems like a very Writerville thing to do.

i dumped chapter 1 of dubious pickles up in syw childrens...i'm on the verge of reexploring it...if anybody here has time, i'd love a thought or two on it. (-: link in my sigline.

Writerville? Count me in! I'll bring fresh home-made cinnamon buns!

A cheer for Maryn for finishing a piece!

A new piece from Kevin? Yay! I'll just have to make some time today to read it!

And Fizz: Don't give up. There is hope. Somewhere out there, you'll find the right lady. And if SG and I are any indication, that special lady probably has umpteen "twin sisters" scattered throughout the world just so your odds of finding her are improved.

Morning, Perle. It's looking pretty ugly in the light of day. You may want to save yourself and NOT read it. (-: Le sigh.

Perle_Rare said:

And Fizz: Don't give up. There is hope. Somewhere out there, you'll find the right lady. And if SG and I are any indication, that special lady probably has umpteen "twin sisters" scattered throughout the world just so your odds of finding her are improved.

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Thanks for all the kind comments, everyone. Truth is, I'm not even looking in that direction right now (unlike the ex, who has reverted to the behavior of a 20 year old). My concentration is on the kids and making sure they get through this in the best way possible. I am thinking in abstract terms of what is ahead relationship-wise, and while it doesn't scare me, it does give me pause to realize that my list of deal-breakers seems to be fairly lengthy. My plan is to just do my thing and see what turns up, then deal with the possibilities. But everything is back seat to my dedication to my little ones. If I do nothing else but help them become productive, caring adults, I'm good. All of that calm logic, however, is stained by some current bitterness. I vent it here because I don't want the kids to see a bit of it at home.

Fizz, I wish I had at least one parent acting like you when my mom and dad divorced. I was only four, but I remember it clearly and the battle lasted for years. My siblings and I were pawns in their war, and all of us were left permanently wounded from it. I am so proud of you for focusing on your children right now. Having a safe place to vent is important. We are here for you whenever you feel like venting. I wish my parents would have done the same. You are an amazing father, and I'm so glad your kids have you to help them through this.

I'll speak in general terms, and some are so abstract a hard cut-off can't be explained. Gut instinct is a benefit of experience.

Top of the list - how they deal with the kids. I know I can be a positive influence if the woman has children. I expect that to be reciprocal or immediate bye, bye. (see also, consistency)

No resentment of any obligations I may have to the ex. I'm allowed to get upset about those kinds of things, but it's not the other person's business to get pisssy about them. Period. It will place me in a strange position that I'll not have.

Actually, next to the top - kindness/caring. I've had my fill of selfish, self-centered women. Narcissists, stick with your mirrors.

Intelligence - education and/or mental agility will trump a killer physique every time.

Health related - smokers need not come around. Health consciousness (not necessarily fitness) is necessary. It's not about body shape but about health awareness. Fitness is a plus, though, because I've chosen that path for myself.

A biggie - dependability (conscientiousness). I have no time for people who don't respect responsibilities (personal or otherwise), appointments, or time arrangements/time limits.

Consistency - this is most apparent in how people raise their kids.

Emotional confluency without emotional dependency. Possessiveness and co-dependency can move right along to some other place.

"Changers" can go find some other project. I'm perfectly willing to compromise, but I'm not a lump of clay.


These are some of the big ones (there are others), and I hope they don't make me seem too haughty. I expect myself to pass all of these filters for the other person before I apply them to anyone else.


To Story - it's tough because the ex is the one who is walking, yet I'm letting her live in the house for the separation period so the kids can stay in their rooms and in the neighborhood (which is fantastic). I'm paying through the nose and living like a student for that, yet I have to bite my tongue when the kids ask why I moved away. One day they'll know the truth, and hopefully they'll respect me for it. Right now, though, I have to answer that it's what's best for both their mother and I.

I've been lurking and I missed some of the first deleted posts, but I respect you more than you can imagine, Fizz, for what you are doing for your kids. When they get a little older, they will very much understand what you did.

When I was contemplating whether it was worth trying to repair my relationship or not, I was not worried about what me, but what I would have to do to make the best of the situation for the girls. If we split, I could see my husband dating again right away, and I felt okay with that. As I pondered my situation, I found I'm not even interesting in heading down relationship road again. I'll keep what I have or not at all, it seems.

But I think you are so awesome for what you are doing, Fizzy.