TALK TO LADY JAY (naughty bits)

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Jaycinth

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Ok, cats..time to make yourselves useful. I've opened the Comedy Caberet up front,but I seem to be having a problem making the link in my sig work.

A little help with that, than go out front and keep a watch for 'the man'. I don't have a cabaret license .
 

Soccer Mom

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Hey, who pushed me off the sofa? ::shrugs:: nevermind. I ordered a margarita machine. hope nobody minds. We have mousie potstickers for the cats (peace offering) and bacon bites for all doggies. Nothing for the aardvark though. Except maybe a little sangria.
 

JDCrayne

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Hey, who pushed me off the sofa? ::shrugs:: nevermind. I ordered a margarita machine. hope nobody minds. We have mousie potstickers for the cats (peace offering) and bacon bites for all doggies. Nothing for the aardvark though. Except maybe a little sangria.


Leave a plate of potstickers and bacon bites on the floor overnight, and the aardvark can clean up the ants to go with his sangria.
 

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*shoots out long tongue into SM's left ear/tongue comes out right ear*

Hmmm....thought so. :D
 

Soccer Mom

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Ew! No wet willies from you! Ick. That's the last time I offer you wine.
 

JeanneTGC

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Hey, who pushed me off the sofa? ::shrugs:: nevermind. I ordered a margarita machine. hope nobody minds. We have mousie potstickers for the cats (peace offering) and bacon bites for all doggies. Nothing for the aardvark though. Except maybe a little sangria.
Isn't cute little doggie person sweet? I told you she should stay.

No worries...I'll handle the aardvark. :D (C'mere, baby, and let's talk about your...attributes...)
 

Soccer Mom

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::scampers off with bacon bites::

I'm still waiting for the hot guys. I know. I'll tell jokes about bad husbands. That always brings men out of the woodwork to complain.

I know that they're lurking.

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new
husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In
his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that
his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find
another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and
therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty
years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly$1 million. Then she
showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.
 

Soccer Mom

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There's my girl! Who's a good daughter? Then go get Mommy another margarita and maybe I'll "lose" that application for military school.
 

TsukiRyoko

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There's my girl! Who's a good daughter? Then go get Mommy another margarita and maybe I'll "lose" that application for military school.
Mom, no, quit pinching my cheeks! The face cheeks I can deal with, but get off my butt cheeks! Gah! Yeah go drink your margaritas you... military school?

..Eh heh.... Eh heh heh... You're ah... you're joking, right? Right, Mom? Mom!? Here, chug up Mom! Drinkie drinkie, oh look I put the margarita in a sippie cup and everything- drink drink drink!!!! Faster, and quit squirming!
 

Jaycinth

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Military School!?

Oh, no. Don't you dare!

I need a 'badda-ding' drummer for the Cabaret.

Please sign this work permit stating she's on 'work-study' from noon to 3 am.
 

Jaycinth

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Mom, no, quit pinching my cheeks! The face cheeks I can deal with, but get off my butt cheeks! Gah! Yeah go drink your margaritas you... military school?

..Eh heh.... Eh heh heh... You're ah... you're joking, right? Right, Mom? Mom!? Here, chug up Mom! Drinkie drinkie, oh look I put the margarita in a sippie cup and everything- drink drink drink!!!! Faster, and quit squirming!

Please stop that, Tsuki. It's Monday and I need her to take the payola to the local 'boss' so I can keep the Cabaret open.

*Jaycinth: an aside to the lurkers*
It was sheer brilliance that allowed me to funnel the money I 'transferred' from the kingdom to Wyoming, then through a third, unregulated conduit over here.

I got enough payola for years.......
 

Soccer Mom

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::sways:: I'm prefctly slober enuf for to take playola to da bosh. Promish. ::hic::
 

TsukiRyoko

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Please stop that, Tsuki. It's Monday and I need her to take the payola to the local 'boss' so I can keep the Cabaret open.

*Jaycinth: an aside to the lurkers*
It was sheer brilliance that allowed me to funnel the money I 'transferred' from the kingdom to Wyoming, then through a third, unregulated conduit over here.

I got enough payola for years.......
We had Cabaret? And I didn't know?

...I don't know you anymore, Jay. I think we're going to have to break this off. I just, I can't deal secrets, you know? I think it's time that..*wipes nose a little* that we moved on....
 

TsukiRyoko

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Military School!?

Oh, no. Don't you dare!

I need a 'badda-ding' drummer for the Cabaret.

Please sign this work permit stating she's on 'work-study' from noon to 3 am.
AWW, I take back what I said earlier! let's stay together forever! I haven't gotten to rock my drums out for a month, and I haven't whipped out my leather and bright blue eyeshadow and wig for years!
 

TsukiRyoko

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::sways:: I'm prefctly slober enuf for to take playola to da bosh. Promish. ::hic::
Yeah, Jay. She's fine. Well, lemme check....

Mom, I'm never going to military school, right? No? Okay. Yeah Jay, she's a little tipsy but nothing she can't handle. Hell, she can probably drive perfectly right now.
 

Soccer Mom

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I'd never drive in thish state. Tkui Tusi Tisuk. Crap. Hey kid, get the carrrr. Yer takning Mummy to da bosh man.
 

TsukiRyoko

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I'd never drive in thish state. Tkui Tusi Tisuk. Crap. Hey kid, get the carrrr. Yer takning Mummy to da bosh man.
I can't drive, but um.... Well, I guess I could try. Give me a cigarette and I should be good to go. Maybe....

And Mom, you can't even get my name right! It's Tsiz... Tskri... Tusker.... Kid. Geez, Mom, can't you get anything right?

Huh? Where'd she go?
 

Jaycinth

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Um.....walk. Walk. It's two blocks down above Goldberg's deli.

Bring me back a Turkey Club. Extra bacon, and if he still has those hard, green hot house tomatoes....leave em off. Whole wheat toast.

You don't want to eat at the Cabaret until I can attract a decent cook....

...and maybe hire someone to clean that kitchen...uck.
 

TsukiRyoko

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Um.....walk. Walk. It's two blocks down above Goldberg's deli.

Bring me back a Turkey Club. Extra bacon, and if he still has those hard, green hot house tomatoes....leave em off. Whole wheat toast.

You don't want to eat at the Cabaret until I can attract a decent cook....

...and maybe hire someone to clean that kitchen...uck.
So extra tomatos, and no bacon? On white bread? You got it! I'll get on my way back, after I figure out how to start this damn car-! *engine revs, car smashes into bank behind them* Oh, shit * speeds forward* See ya in a few!
 

Jaycinth

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...and in 15 seconds that car is going to explode, turning into a tricycle and Tsuki will have three clown mimes on her head trying to juggle each other.

I told her to walk...and the humor here is still a bit unpredictable.

***misses stepping on banana peel and instead hits self across the forehead on low hanging light fixture***

(********)!
 

TsukiRyoko

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...and in 15 seconds that car is going to explode, turning into a tricycle and Tsuki will have three clown mimes on her head trying to juggle each other.

I told her to walk...and the humor here is still a bit unpredictable.

***misses stepping on banana peel and instead hits self across the forehead on low hanging light fixture***

(********)!
Clown mimes? But they've been talking the entire time!
 
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