It's like hiking... in the Rocky Mountains

That is a big difference between those who eventually get published and those who don't.
And I hate to sound mean, because I don't mean it that way, but at nine rejections you've only just topped the bunny hill. I don't have this in my signature anymore, but I used to have my rejection numbers. Over 160 this year (on two books.) But you know what? I'm working with an agent now.
There's someone else (I can't remember her name) who got over 500 rejections on the same book! She's got an agent now too--for that book that got 500 rejections.
It is a long climb. But there really are things to learn with every step. You go uphill, you go downhill, and a lot of the time it royally sucks and you fight the voices in your head that tell you your the worst excuse for a writer ever!!
But I think it's worth it.
Still, it's a question you have to answer for yourself.

{{hugs}}

Maprilynne

BTW, I have two kids and I struggle with balance in that area too.

The process can be really hard; but if you have some talent, a little luck and are very persistent it can be quite rewarding. Like Woody Allen said, "80% of success is just showing up."

(Maprilynee, wow 160 is being VERY persistent. Hats off for hanging in there.)

I've just started querying too, so I'm at the same bunny hill you are. Just got my first rejection and the silence is deafening on the other nine I sent out.

I have two kids also, and one thing I've noticed since I've started writing is that my house isn't as clean as it used to be and I'm not up on any TV shows anymore (except Lost, can't give that up). I've let some things fall away that don't matter as much to me. My free time is devoted to writing, and I find myself running to my little corner computer in the basement whenever I have time.

I'm going to keep hiking and see where it takes me. One thing I've realized on this journey is that I'm happier when I'm writing (or to use your hiking analogy, the walk itself is pleasant). I'm not just thinking about arriving at my destination, which I used to think was everything - seeing my book in the bookstore. I discovered when I'm writing, I'm happy. That's not a small thing, so I can't give that up just because I'm afraid I'm not good enough. I escape into that bliss and trust if I keep walking, I'll get where I need to go.

Good luck to you.

It can be a matter of lifestyle. If you're happy with the MS and don't want to revise it at this point, to keep sending query letters is tedious, laborious, what-have-you, but it's just a matter of detaching from the roller-coaster it can be. Expect rejection, rejoice for anything else, and just set aside a certain amount of time each week to send out new queries. If you decide to revise more, yes then it's more work. But you can print a MS and read it while the kids are watching a movie, etc. Be creative if you think it's worth it, but most of all, enjoy the journey and remember it's not all about the destination.

I like your hiking analogy. It's very apt. I haven't yet begun to query my current novel, but I have a stack of rejections for short stories I've submitted. My attempts at creating a publishing history for myself have, thus far, fallen flat. But I, personally, am not ready to give up.

I don't think it has to be all or nothing. You don't have to decide between being a better writer and being a better parent. You can simply tip the balance. When you need to, take some of the time you dedicate to writing and spend it with your kids. When they go through a period of independence (and they will), use the extra time to improve your writing skills. Your writing progress will be slower. But so what? You'll be able to enjoy your kids and your writing, and one day you'll be able to demonstrate that perseverance, hard work and dedication pay off when you proudly show your kids your name in print.

Only you know what's right for you. But don't discard all the options. Good luck.

You need to build crediantials before most agents will look at you, so you need to write and publish short stories first. Then you need to improve your writing to the point where it would compete with Gone with the Wind.

Not exactly. Writing short stories doesn't prepare you to write novels. And agents want fiction to compete with today's best sellers, not 1938's.

kids!

The fact that so many of us here -- and I'm including myself in that statement -- really like your elaborate mountain-climbing analogy suggests (to me, at least) that you DO HAVE WRTITING TALENT.

None of us, however, can tell you whether you should/should not press onwards with it.

Now, as to the issue of juggling writing with parenting ... afraid I'm not going to be much help. I've just got two "fur kids" -- and they're lazy old dachshunds, to boot. Not terribly demanding.

Many times, when people hear that I'm working on writing two or three books (a series of historical fiction novels and one nonfiction work) while working fulltime, they are amazed and ask me how I find the time ... to which I always simply answer: No kids.

Wishing you the best of luck!

I live in Alaska. The mountains here are a lot higher and colder than the Rockies.

caw

-10 to -20 F tonight forecast, with 25 MPH winds.

Have a nice day.

caw

It's like hiking in the rockies...

I loved the analogy to hiking in the rockies! Very bright. I feel the same way regarding the writing arena. I am an avid hiker. I hike the 14er's in the rockies and am soon to do Pikes Peak for the third time in late spring 07. I must say, I am preparing for my hikes almost 6 months in advance by jogging, weight training and eating correctly. No matter what, the mountains always suck the life out of me. I keep swearing while up there, sucking wind, it is the last time that I will tackle such a feat. That lasts for about a day while I recover and then I am off to do it again! It is the most exhilarating experience I can sucessfully participate in at 56 years old.

Writing is similar and just as frustrating.
In my case I need to make a decision. Since I can climb mountains and it is good for my health, I am going to continue to hike until I no longer can- due to injury.
But, if I continue to write, I take a mental beating, it is an unhealthy endeavor- carpal tunnel syndrome, bicepts tendonitis from all of the typing, meeting very moody and resentful people and a lack of enjoyment getting rejected. I have to have frequent massages for my sore back. My husband hates it that I write. He thinks it is a waste of time due to the competition. It is expensive and not as exhilarating as hiking. It keeps me sloppy, in my pajamas and weight gain around the girth.

I know a few sucessful writers and they are not wealthy, healthy nor are they happy people. They are frustrated and all pale and pasty looking.
I also run into people from blogs shooting from the hip informing me that my writing is lousy- they have never read it, just excerpts. It is unfair. I think being a politician might be easier. It seems like they share same caddy issues.

I respect authors of all kinds. I respect myself for completing two books and some short stories. I want to respect agents- but it is hard to do. They keep on rejecting 5 pages of work. Or, a query letter. Not quite my idea of fair judgement. I respect most publishing companies. They put out quality work. But, I will never know the real process. No one has time for me. I am the customer, I am the artist. I just don't get it.
It is all way too much for me. Climbing mountains is easier!
I am going out for a run!
Mattie 123

Nothing wrong with other things. . .the writing will be there if/when you decide to return to it.

Everything in life that is worthwhile takes work and perseverance, and probably has a lot of pain involved.

Childbirth, dating, creating and maintaining a successful relationship, getting a job, getting a career, keeping a career, writing, getting published...all of these things take effort, all of these things can be worth any price to some and not worth a thing to others.

For me, personally, writing didn't make me a bad wife or mother. Writing has made me a better wife and mother, and a better employee, as well. I have an outlet for all of my ideas, frustrations, worries, jokes, fears, fantasies, hopes and dreams. I am an example to my daughter of how to work toward a goal, how to complete that goal, and how to revise that goal when it needs it. I get to be an example to her of how to deal with rejection and disappointment, as well as how to deal with success (on the employee front only, so far, but we persevere on the publication side). I'm a happier employee because my "career" no longer centers around the company I work for, so I can let the little things slide off my back. I'm a better wife because my husband gets a lot more breathing time than he did before I started writing, and he appreciates it.

When I finally wrote the first pages of my first novel (many moons ago now) and then read them to myself, I realized I'd found that "one thing" that was at the core of who and what I am. I can never give that up -- a writer is what I AM. A published author is what I hope to be.

Do I want to be published? Oh yeah. Will I keep on writing, even if the only person who reads it is myself? Frankly, yes. Will I slog through the (many) rejections, do the (boring and frustrating and so-not-creative-except-in-my-query-letters) work to find out where and who to query, do the re-writes and suffer through the process? Yes, yes, and yes.

Is it an uphill battle? Um, yes, and, apparently always. William F. Nolan told me that he and Ray Bradbury still get rejected on a rather regular basis. They call each other and laugh about it...a slightly bitter laugh, but a shared, slightly bitter laugh is still better than laughing alone. If they get rejected at this late stage in their careers, who am I to assume that I won't at this early stage of mine?

I'll tell you who I am. I'm the girl who just got two more rejection letters in today's mail...and who has two new queries sitting on the counter waiting for TOMORROW'S mail. That's who I am. And I am going to be published. Who are you going to be?

JeanneTGC said:

William F. Nolan told me that he and Ray Bradbury still get rejected on a rather regular basis. They call each other and laugh about it.

Click to expand...

Without meaning any disprespect to your post or the view expressed in it, I have to say that these kinds of statements don't impress me much. You can hear any number of iterations of it, the famous-author-still-gets-rejected story. The best-known is probably the one about Pearl Buck, who allegedly received a rejection slip for some submission on the same day she was notified that she had won the Nobel Prize for Literature.

It's a hell of a lot easier for the Ray Bradburys of the world to laugh about rejections than it is for anyone who has never had a submission accepted for publication.

caw

Well, that's your view, and that's fine. For me, it was actually quite heartening to have someone I view as a master sit down with me and encourage me. We talked about many things, rejection being one of them. He was trying to help me see that having a thick skin was not only going to be necessary early in my writing career, but late in it as well. At no time did Bill Nolan indicate that either he or Ray Bradbury LIKED being rejected. In fact, he mentioned that it still stung and they still felt like sending a reply back going, "Uh, WHY?". For me, it just illustrated that rejection is ALWAYS going to be a part of this journey -- and if you truly don't feel that you can deal with it, then perhaps a career in the arts is not for you. That's my take. Clearly, every person on AW has a different viewpoint -- that's what makes the world interesting.

Jeanne your post is right on!
I have several author friends who still get stung by unfavorable reviews.
My agent has to deal with rejections all the time by both writers (who decide to chose someone else - foolish! IMO) and publishers who decide to pass on a manuscript.
Your work does not define you, it is a result of you.
"What doesn't destroy you makes you stronger." Nietzsche
JMHO

I'm well aware that nobody likes to get negative responses. My only point was that there's a difference between getting rejections as part of a mix with acceptances, and getting nothing but rejections. Get a hundred or so rejections with no acceptances and see what you think.

Regards: "Your work does not define you, it is a result of you." Do we take this to mean: When you get a rejection, they're not rejecting your work, they're actually rejecting you?"

caw

OK.
I give up.
Yes.
Rejections suck.
Over a hundred rejections?
Suck even more.
What do you want me to say?

blacbird, I think we're ALL on this particular thread BECAUSE we've all been rejected more than once. It's probably very safe to say many more times than once.

I guess when Orion and I see that others -- far more successful than we are now -- still get rejections we take heart from that fact.

And, while I still think it hurts a LOT more to have someone reject me for a job (because then, they surely ARE rejecting ME), there is a (huge) part of me in everything I write, so in that sense, yes, they are rejecting me.

But again, as you must know, an artist of any kind must have a thick skin and be able to go on and, after each rejection, send yet another piece of themselves out into the world.

Some of us are encouraged by the fact that those in our profession who are pretty much where we'd like to be are still "in the trenches" with us in a very real sense. Some are not.

Somehow, my point still seems to be missed here. So I'll state it the other way around: What matters is not the number of rejections anyone accumulates, but the number of acceptances.

caw