Road Trip postcards: Death by Cliché

Soccer Mom

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Mmmmm, Mojito.

:hic:

wazza haggish? I know him?

:hic:

I dum member.

:falls off seat:
 

Robert Toy

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Mmmmm, Mojito.

:hic:

wazza haggish? I know him?

:hic:

I dum member.

:falls off seat:
funny-pictures-kitten-asks-if-you-f.jpg
 

clockwork

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Welcome one and all to the glitz and glamour of the screenwriting forum! Not only do we have all of the soul-destroying rejection of a novel writing forum but we have the added rejection of the film and television industries as well!

Here, it's Death by Cliché which means the hero always wins, the guy always gets the girl and our plot-lines as formulaic as a bag of Doritos. Don't forget to visit our studio gift shop where you can get a swell, "I Was Universally Rejected" t-shirt or an "I'm Paramount Failure" coffee mug for 20% off this week only!

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go back under my desk and continue sobbing uncontrollably about the life I've chosen for myself! Enjoy!
 

StoryG27

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I shouldn't have used beer as a chaser after those mojitos. I pass out for like two seconds. . .and now we're in script writing?!?!?! oh, I'll need more morning beer.

2234159472_b0e80eb03d.jpg
 

Haggis

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INT. BUS - MID MORNING

A flattened HAGGIS somehow slithers through a cracked window,
and falls onto the floor, next to a passed-out SOCCER MOM. He grabs SOCCER MOM's right thumb, sticks it in his mouth, then blows hard, thereby re-inflating himself. He sits up, and looks around for his mortal enemy, ROLLING THUNDER.

HAGGIS's eyes roam around the bus. He follows them, then puts them back
in his eye sockets. Then he notices ROLLING THUNDER, at the back of the bus, furiously pounding the keys on his laptop.

HAGGIS
Randomly banning nOObs again, RT?

ROLLING THUNDER
You! I thought I killed you.

HAGGIS
You wish. You don't have what it takes to do me in.

ROLLING THUNDER
We'll see about that.

(to be continued)
 

StoryG27

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:hi:
Look, Haggis is back, and almost three dimensional.
 

clockwork

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INT. BUS - MID MORNING

A flattened HAGGIS somehow slithers through a cracked window,
and falls onto the floor, next to a passed-out SOCCER MOM. He grabs SOCCER MOM's right thumb, sticks it in his mouth, then blows hard, thereby re-inflating himself. He sits up, and looks around for his mortal enemy, ROLLING THUNDER.

HAGGIS's eyes roam around the bus. He follows them, then puts them back
in his eye sockets. Then he notices ROLLING THUNDER, at the back of the bus, furiously pounding the keys on his laptop.

HAGGIS
Randomly banning nOObs again, RT?

ROLLING THUNDER
You! I thought I killed you.

HAGGIS
You wish. You don't have what it takes to do me in.

ROLLING THUNDER
We'll see about that.

(to be continued)

Haggis, baby! Love the script, love it!!

Just a couple of notes.

The bus thing works really well. Really. But our research shows people don't like public transport, could this be some sort of stretch limo or better, a private fun-time jet?

We're losing our core 18-30 demographic - can you increase rap dogginess by 15%?

This Rolling Thunder character isn't working for me. Could he be some sort of monkey-side-kick instead?

You need a twist before the end of the scene. Can you include a plot detail that comes out of the blue and changes everything that comes before it but still be in line with the story we're trying to tell? That'd be great!

We're slating this for a Summer 2009 release, can you draft me different versions to include potential sponsorship from Pepsi, McDonald's and Budweiser?

Like I said, great script - you just need to change everything.
 

Soccer Mom

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SOCCER MOM
sits up woozily and takes in her surroundings. She realizes her thumb is wet and wipes it on her slacks with disgust.
 

Haggis

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Haggis, baby! Love the script, love it!!

Just a couple of notes.

The bus thing works really well. Really. But our research shows people don't like public transport, could this be some sort of stretch limo or better, a private fun-time jet?

We're losing our core 18-30 demographic - can you increase rap dogginess by 15%?

This Rolling Thunder character isn't working for me. Could he be some sort of monkey-side-kick instead?

You need a twist before the end of the scene. Can you include a plot detail that comes out of the blue and changes everything that comes before it but still be in line with the story we're trying to tell? That'd be great!

We're slating this for a Summer 2009 release, can you draft me different versions to include potential sponsorship from Pepsi, McDonald's and Budweiser?

Like I said, great script - you just need to change everything.

Clock, my friend. I couldn't agree more. Why, moments after I hit the "submit" button, I was saying the same things to myself. So, consider it done.

FWIW, I completely agree about the ROLLING THUNDER Character. Even the peeps in my crit group said he was unbelievable, and that nobody could be that evil. I'm thinking of having him fall out of his bass boat and drown in scene two. Picture this: the whole gang standing around the lake cheering while RT struggles and struggles, then finally slips below the waves. Let me know.

Oh. And about the Budweiser thing? It's great. It's perfect. I wouldn't change a thing. Except for maybe using Bass Ale instead of Bud. Perhaps a nice German. What do you say? I gotta claim a little artistic integrity here, right? Heh, heh.
 

StoryG27

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I gotta claim a little artistic integrity here, right? Heh, heh.
:ROFL:

Oh, I'm sorry, it just makes me laugh when Haggis tries to claim any type of integrity.

:ROFL:
 

clockwork

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But where's my character? What'm I doing?

And what's my billing?

:eek:

This place scares me.

:gone:

Clock, my friend. I couldn't agree more. Why, moments after I hit the "submit" button, I was saying the same things to myself. So, consider it done.

FWIW, I completely agree about the ROLLING THUNDER Character. Even the peeps in my crit group said he was unbelievable, and that nobody could be that evil. I'm thinking of having him fall out of his bass boat and drown in scene two. Picture this: the whole gang standing around the lake cheering while RT struggles and struggles, then finally slips below the waves. Let me know.

Oh. And about the Budweiser thing? It's great. It's perfect. I wouldn't change a thing. Except for maybe using Bass Ale instead of Bud. Perhaps a nice German. What do you say? I gotta claim a little artistic integrity here, right? Heh, heh.

Good questions everyone! I'll have my assistant's secretary look into those.

Why don't we start over? I've got $140 million to spend on a summer blockbuster next year and I'm taking pitches/loglines for AW: The Movie. I'm liking the road-trip motif but a road trip to where? And to what and who? Story, stars, stunts, I want it all. Let's get this turkey greenlit.

Rule no 1: There are no rules!

Rule no 2: No rom-coms.

(and if you're looking for integrity, buy steel.)

And yes, Jen, you can act in it if you want. But you have to say who you want to play and where you see the character going.
 

StoryG27

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Story, stars, stunts, I want it all. Let's get this turkey greenlit.
I'm right here, but I don't know where stars and stunts are. I swear, I haven't seen them.
 

StoryG27

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clockwork said:
I'm promoting you to Head of Comedy!

Oh yeah!

I won't let the power go to my head.

Bow to me you minions of comedy for I am your queen!!!
 

clockwork

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*kills Mr. Clockwork in the study with a candle holder, pockets the 140 million*

Silly fool! That money belongs to GE. I'd put it back unless you want 737s landing on your lawn for the next fifty years!

I am so all over that.

We've already got the story. All we have to do is adapt it for teh screen.

An adaptation with a pre-existing fan-base? Even better!