New Dog Owner, New Dog - Help!

fadeaccompli

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The good news is, she lay quietly in her crate all night, next to the guest bed, and didn't fuss. Worked on her kong a bit noisily, but I can't fault her for that. And if I didn't sleep well in an unfamiliar bed, again, not her fault.

Got her up in the morning. Gave her breakfast, let her outside, gave her some pats, made sure she had plenty of water and a nice bone, went inside to take a shower while leaving her in the back yard for ten minutes...

Hysterical barking, whining, and sad pawing at the back door for the entire ten minutes. Sigh. So. One step forward, one step back. I'm trying to at least give her to the end of the month, when her staples come out, to see if things improve more definitively.

And, yeah, the stray-but-owned-before makes for some mysterious reactions. She usually loves strangers, and strange dogs, unless it's a complete crowd, and then she's just a little nervous. But once in a while she'll see a person--or dog--and want to GO MEET THEM RIGHT NOW. Straining at the end of the leash, anxious quivering, absolutely convinced she needs to go meet THAT PERSON (or that dog) immediately. Which is why I keep her on a very short leash when we're walking by busy streets.

And then other times, she'll see someone, freeze up, and decide she doesn't want to move further. Nope. No further. And will, given a chance, return home as fast and leash-pullingly as possible. Those people are scary and she wants Away.

I honestly haven't figured out what cues each type of response, yet; the nearest I can figure is that she's afraid of people carrying or pulling large items. It's odd. But not really a problem that concerns me hugely, compared to the clinginess and barking.
 

kikazaru

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That sounds like progress to me.

However, as a dog owner I will say that I learned the hard way to never put my dog out and then get in the shower. They are just like kids, who will ignore you all day and you become lulled by their inattention for so long until you think that it's safe for you to get on the phone (or use the bathroom). Wrong. As soon as you are having a conversation or are dripping wet, they need to talk to you IMMEDIATELY! Dogs do the same. Make it easy on yourself, leave her in the house while you shower!

Merry Christmas and I hope things continue to improve.
 

Fenika

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My friends had a dog that didnt like dirty blondes. I showed up at dusk of finals week and he bit me out of the blue.

Otoh, I adopted a young lovebird who bonded with me. I took him to the vet/professor and she took him to her avian class. He flew from long haired blond to another blond and ignored everyone else.

Animals are quirky.

As for the howling outside, you Might try this. I'm a horse trainer, not a dog trainer, but it's a universal concept of reward.

Put your dog out with minimal barrier to you (glass door or leave the door cracked with your foot making sure it doesnt budge an inch.) This is negative/punishment for your dog. In order to remove the punishment, she must be quiet or sit or relax for half a second. Then throw the door open and praise her.

Gradually (very very gradually) make the negative larger but keep making the praise quick when she is good. She'll make gradual improvement, have a few little setbacks where you respond by going back to basics (minor negative) and build up again.

The idea is to get her to think and realize she should be calm to get what she wants. Baby steps are important because if she panics she wont think.
 

EMaree

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My dog got anxious about me disappearing for showers as well for the first few months we had him. When possible I left the door open so he could check on me, and after a while he felt safe enough sitting outside. Even a year later he's still nervous around running water and sits guard while anyone is using the bathroom.

It sounds like you're doing really fantastic. Can you crate her while you shower? The closeness might help.

I think it's a rescue dog quirk, along with most of his anxiety. The owners who previously had him said he couldn't be walked off the lead and couldn't even fetch a stick. We had him fetching and walking off-lead within a week. (We found out months after rescuing him that these owners were planning on just tying him up at the side of a road somewhere because of his anxiety and barking when left on his own.)

We also have a rescue greyhound who's terrified of newspapers (fairly common in rescues, I'm sure you can guess why) and small children.
 

fadeaccompli

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The crate's too big for me to wrangle on my own, and she wails any time I'm out of sight when she's in her crate, which makes crating her while I do things... no better than putting her in the back yard, really. (Except that maybe it bugs the neighbors less.) But I'm hoping that crating her at night while she's right beside my bed will help her associate the crate with security instead of imprisonment.

So far, she adores kids. To the point that I think the previous family had some; she's always interested in checking out the little noisy monkeys. Alas, we haven't any of our own to satisfy her with. (Of course, if we did, I'm not sure I could handle that and new dog acclimation all at once.)
 

mirandashell

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Her letting you sleep at night is a massive step forward, especially in the space of a week. You're doing the right things.
 

fadeaccompli

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Her letting you sleep at night is a massive step forward, especially in the space of a week. You're doing the right things.

I'm not really sure it is. The problem was always that she would cry if I wasn't right by her; the solution so far hasn't been "she learns to cry less" but "I find a place where I can sleep right by her." It's an improvement in my morale, for sure, but it's not really a step forward in my being able to go anywhere without her being upset.

If the spouse is at home and watching her, she doesn't bark. She just whines sadly, curls up, gets up, wanders the house looking for me, and whines some more. Which is better than barking! But that still means it's killing our ability to go anywhere together without the dog.
 

fadeaccompli

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Fade, have you tried something like this pheromone? We used something similar with a cat once and it worked wonders.

Yup. Dog's wearing a collar with that stuff right now, and has been for days. No noticeable signs of change significant enough to attribute to it, but I leave it on just in case.
 

wampuscat

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I hope things are starting to get better for you! I wish there was some other advice I could give!
 

sassandgroove

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My first thought is i won't be much help. We crate trained our first dog, Leela, so well she won't go to bed in our room - I started a thread about it actually. But our second dog Hoshi wouldn't take to the crate at all and after sleeping in the living room for weeks, we finally let her sleep in our bed, which she still does. But I was thinking about the separation anxiety part. I'm no expert but Dog Whisperer said that in a dog pack, members don't leave without the leaders permission, so if the dog thinks she is in charge, or at least doesn't see you as pack leader, it will stress her out when you leave. In your case it could just be she is still adjusting to a new home but it is important to establish yourself and your spouse as the leader. Now doing is different then saying. I still struggle with my dogs, and they mind my hubby over me a lot. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Good luck.
 

fadeaccompli

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How does one communicate to the dog that the dog is not in charge? I've been practicing the Calm, Confident Authority thing, and she'll obey me when she can see there's a treat in it for her, but I'm not sure how to really tell if she thinks I'm in charge or not.

General update: the dog is improving. She will stand quietly, if anxiously, outside the door for five or six minutes while I shower. She'll sometimes go into the back yard without me, or let me go to another room and come back without following (so long as I'm back pretty promptly). I had to leave her for a few hours this afternoon, and while she was clearly Unhappy while I was gone, apparently she wasn't yapping for the first hour while she was all alone, according to my spouse, who was sleeping for part of that time.

We're doing door drills a few times a day. I go to the door, and wait for her to calm down. I open the inner door, and wait for her to calm down. I go outside, do something for a minute, and then come back inside. Repeat periodically. I think she's at least dimly starting to get the idea that I really and truly do come back, even if I don't take her with me.

I'm definitely bonding to the dog more. The good: there's very little chance of her going back to the shelter, unless something terrible happens in the next week or two. The bad: now I'm fretting when away about how the dog is doing in my absence, and I have this terrible urge to buy adorable dog-sized outfits for her... (I haven't given in yet.)

She's getting more energetic as she heals and as she gets comfortable here. When she's greeting me on my return, even if I completely ignore her for a minute, she's started jumping. Not "paws up against my chest" jumping, but bouncing into the air with all four paws off the ground.

I should teach her not to do that, because it's a bad habit. But I have to admit: it is ADORABLE. There's something very heart-warming about how excited she is to see me again, even if I'm supposed to be communicating calmness and the general no-big-deal aspect of my return.
 

backslashbaby

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Ah ha! Do not let the adorable get to you :D Oh, my avatar guy is so sneaky that way.

Get yourself a firm voice. Now use it, whenever you think you need to. And stop whatever behavior you don't want to continue along with that stern voice. Do it a lot. That's how they know alpha, half the time!

My big ole Istvan wants to get into the trash, for instance. I pull him back by the collar and fuss at him: "No. Not allowed. No". I shake my head at him, too, because he's going deaf :)

There ya go. Enough of throughout-the-day kind of stern direction will tell them who is boss, which is very important, yes :)

Training sessions are important, too, for more stubborn behavior, but I think the regular old 'fuss at them and move them' thing works wonders overall :) Just don't let them do whatever it is. And if they do something good/great, tell them how great that is and pet them. They get it :D

Physically moving them is important, too, I think. Dogs are very physical. Remember that getting to lie all comfy on you is not something done right after they were bad, etc. Give them a minute to see that you aren't happy with them (for a minute ;) ).
 

EMaree

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I'll admit, I never trained my dog out of jumping and getting excited when I'm home. I love it too much. Though if I use my firm voice, aka if I'm carrying shopping or wearing non-claw-safe clothes, he knows to immediately stop.

With large dogs I find height is an important factor in establishing dominance. Don't let her stand over you when you're lying in bed or on the couch, don't let her put her paws on your shoulders or climb on your knees etc. Keep eye contact as much as possible.

I'm glad things are going better. :)
 

mirandashell

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Definitely DO NOT fall for the adorable behaviour because they will use it against you.

LOL!

Body language is all important in training a dog. It's how they communicate with each other. So along with the stern 'no', do things like body-blocking. Which means putting yourself between her and the thing she wants but can't have. And if she does jump at you as a greeting, turn your back and make a high pitched squeaky noise. It's the noise they make when they hurt each other. She will understand that. Then move away from her. Don't pet her till she's calmed down.

I know the jumping up is cute but it can be dangerous. If you bend to pet her and she jumps up, she could knock you out. Even if you're standing she could knock you over. And if she gets used to jumping up, she could do to a child. Then you really would be in trouble.

I think you're doing really well with her. She's beginning to settle. She's choosing to let you out of her sight by going into the yard. So she's starting to trust you. It just takes time.
 

EMaree

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I know the jumping up is cute but it can be dangerous. If you bend to pet her and she jumps up, she could knock you out. Even if you're standing she could knock you over.

:eek: I'll admit it, this has happened to me more than once!

I think I'll have to start trying the back-turn and yelp, since my dog does respond very quickly when the other dog in the house yelps in a playfight.
 

mirandashell

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It does work. I've done it with my sister's dog. And she picked it up pretty quick. It also works with mouthing.
 

Bushrat

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I had one dog who was an incurable jumper. What worked best with him and just about any jumping dog I've met is to hold both your hands out in a blocking gesture, right in front of the dog's face as he starts jumping. Dogs keep eye contact with you as they jump, and if you're blocking that with both hands, they'll try to reestablish it and sort of dive around your hands.
My incurable jumper eventually gave up jumping with his paws on people and settled for just jumping into the air in front of whoever he wanted to greet, without making body contact.

I'm not a fan of using treats for training. My first dog (Mr. Incurable Jumper) luckily trained me out of it--he'd do anything instantly, as long as he got a treat right after. I figured that's how you train dogs. He was a stubborn and hyper dog, not the eager-to-please type. When I ordered him a couple times to do something and didn't have any treats on me, he decided that I was unreliable and that obedience was optional.

That's when I abandoned the treats and realized that since dogs live in a hierarchical world where the alpha among them manages to be obeyed without bribery, dog training should be possible without treats.
And it is. I quit giving my first dog treats for obeying and instead, used praise, cuddles and play, depending on the situation. I also backed off overindulging him so much (as we tend to do, especially with our first dogs). In order to get lots of attention, my dogs have to either obey to a command first OR I go and pet and play with them when I feel like it. But not whenever they feel like it - so no dancing around, talking to, petting etc when they jump up, misbehave or are pestering me. That only gets them a firm "no" and "go on your pillow". I feel that really goes a long way to help establish who's boss, and also to create a household that's nice for dogs and humans to live in.
It is very important to give the dog enough excercise, both physical and mental, though. Without it, a dog almost has no other choice but to misbehave.

We had four large dogs until recently (now down to two), and this system has worked extremely well over the past 15 years:
-no treats
-reward obedience with praise, cuddles and play
-attention only when we decide to give it
-lots of excercise so the dogs can burn their energy
-lots of quality time spent with the dogs
 

fadeaccompli

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Ha. I do know better than to let the jumping continue. She gets a NO at that, and no happy welcome until she's calmed down. It's just, y'know. Adorable.

...and, huh. Come to think of it? Some of the 'Am I alpha?' problem might be coming from the fact that she's such a damn good dog, I almost never need to correct her. She pulls on the leash, but I've been waiting until I talk to a pro (tomorrow afternoon!) to really work on that. Beyond that, she's been pretty good about everything; she'll accept correction on errors meekly and immediately, if she's not already hyped up.
 

wampuscat

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In the training classes I've been to, once a dog learns a task, intermittent rewards, including treats, were used to reinforce the behavior. I have one independent, brilliant dog who doesn't respond well to praise only as a reward, particularly when learning something new. That same dog would obey my every command but ignored my husband completely until he started doing training exercises with her on his own.
Just another option for you. Glad to hear things are going better!
 

heyjude

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So glad things are going better, fade! I'm sure as she gets more comfortable it will get even better still.

Our greyhound had severe separation anxiety when we adopted him (and with good reason, he'd been left over and over :(). It took a good couple of weeks to get past his sheer panic when I left the house. Like you, I went out the door and back in for a few days, then all the way to the mailbox, and went from there. Persistence paid off. The anxiety returned when he was old, but we had a good many years of "Oh, you're leaving? I'll just have a nap, then." :)
 

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OB, OB, OB and then more OB. All the time, every day, and consistently and with respect. And whatever you encourage, you train. Whatever you allow, you train.

Glad that things are better. Things don't happen overnight. Training is a process. You weren't versed in dogs and your dog wasn't versed in you. Considering that, I think you're pretty lucky.

Your dog will pick up any stress you're feeling or showing. Funny how important leadership skills are with animals.

Question: what kind of physical and mental activities are you providing? I apologize if you mentioned that and I missed it.
 

fadeaccompli

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OB, OB, OB and then more OB. All the time, every day, and consistently and with respect. And whatever you encourage, you train. Whatever you allow, you train.

Glad that things are better. Things don't happen overnight. Training is a process. You weren't versed in dogs and your dog wasn't versed in you. Considering that, I think you're pretty lucky.

Your dog will pick up any stress you're feeling or showing. Funny how important leadership skills are with animals.

Question: what kind of physical and mental activities are you providing? I apologize if you mentioned that and I missed it.

Don't know what "OB" is--I associate it with the tampon brand, which I suspect is not what you mean--so... no idea if I'm offering that or not!

As for physical/mental:

She gets one to three walks a day, and I try to take a slightly different route whenever possible, so that there are interesting new things to see and smell. One or two games of fetch in the back yard a day. A Kong puzzle toy with peanut butter in her crate at night, and a rawhide chew during the day. (She also has a real beef bone to chew on in the back yard.) We've been working on Sit, Stand, and Lie Down, a few times a day; she had her first official lesson with a trainer yesterday.

We also play the Door Game, where I walk outside like it's normal, stand outside for a while, and then come back in, and repeat periodically with different amounts of time outside, so that she can stop freaking over my absences. It's getting moderate success; she still tends to stand there staring at the door while I'm gone. But that's more of a behavior training issue than a mental stimulation activity, since the idea is to make her relax, not make her think.


Pixel has reached the stage of being happy to run around in the back yard by herself for twenty minutes or so, if the dog door is obviously accessible. If that gets closed off, she starts the OH GOD I HAVE BEEN ABANDONED crying again, and scratches at the door.

But I still consider it a sign of progress that she's willing to go out of my sight for that long.
 

mirandashell

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Absolutely, it's a sign of progress! She's choosing to be out of your sight so she is expecting not to be left. But obviously the door being closed means she can't choose to come back to you when she wants to. Which is sparking the anxiety.

Do you think she used to get left on her own in a small room for hours? Because reading back, she seems to be anxious about doors.
 

fadeaccompli

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Absolutely, it's a sign of progress! She's choosing to be out of your sight so she is expecting not to be left. But obviously the door being closed means she can't choose to come back to you when she wants to. Which is sparking the anxiety.

Do you think she used to get left on her own in a small room for hours? Because reading back, she seems to be anxious about doors.

Mm, I wouldn't think that. She's fine in the office, which is pretty small, and will go there voluntarily some times when I'm out, between the whining. And she's fine with her crate if I'm nearby.

However, after an incident during this morning's walk... I'm almost sure she was abandoned during a move. She's had small, unhappy reactions so far to people carrying or dragging large objects, and shows a lot of nervous interest in white cars--and fear around trucks--but today we passed some people loading a UHaul, and she froze up entirely. Completely refused to continue on the walk, and tried her best to run the entire way home. She was clearly terrified of that truck and the people in it.

I think she's just dealing with standard abandonment issues.