Polyamorous terms

oooooh said:

That's really interesting, I'd never considered it as "poly lite".

Just to tack onto the poly discussion instead of starting a new thread, how can I depict a trio relationship (for lack of a better word, there are three people in the relationship) and not have it written off as a Love Triangle?

Basically, it starts off in a Love Triangle-y way in which Girl 1 and Boy 1 are together, but Girl 1 also has feelings for Boy 2 and this causes conflict, until they sort of mutually come to a realisation that they should be all be together. (Not yet sure if Boy 1 and Boy 2 also enter into a sexual/physical relationship, but they do have a very close...bromance...again for lack of a better word).

Like, the whole premise started off as a way of thinking about the whole "there's someone out there destined for you" trope...but I thought what if there's two people out there for my MC? In that somewhat pure, first love/true love, Romeo & Juliet sort of way...and since I'm writing YA for it not to be turned into some kind of 'ooh she has two boyfriends, she's dirty & promiscuous'...

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What AHunter said... establish up front that both guys are okay with the arrangement and that there is communication and agreement.

Make sure there *is* communication and agreement.

And be aware that in YA fiction, you are going to face some opposition with this set-up. I had one publisher who specifically told me a polyamorous relationship would never fly in YA (though they just published a YA novel with a polyamorous relationship... then again, based on the way their response to my question was phrased, I think they were equating "polyamory" with "polygamy" as in Warren Jeffs style). Some teens will get it; others will see it as the girl being a cheating slut no matter how you present the relationship.

Hell, some *adults* see a polyamorous woman as a cheating slut.

Also be aware that even if you have no sexual content at all, you might get thwapped for "promoting promiscuity"... I do have two published YA short stories about a bisexual polyamorous boy who is in a relationship with another boy and a girl, and some of the Goodreads reviews ranted about how "teens think about sex enough, and this should never exist in YA fiction, this author's encouraging teens to have casual sex."

There is not even a single KISS in either short story, let alone sex...

Oooh, for your story, definitely make sure you're showing that the girl is discussing the situation with both boys and that the boys are *agreeing* to share her. Make it clear--maybe even in so many words--that the girl doesn't have to choose between the boys, that they're all in agreement that the relationship includes the three of them, whether it's a poly V with the girl at the point, or a poly triangle where the boys are also sexually involved. (And if I have the terms wrong, someone please correct me. As I said several posts ago, I am in a poly relationship, but that doesn't mean I know all the right words.)

AHunter3 said:

The sooner in your story that you depict Boy 1 and Boy 2 both being comfortable with Girl 1 continuing to have both of them as boyfriends, the quicker you dissipate the Love Triangle miasma.

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KimJo said:

Oooh, for your story, definitely make sure you're showing that the girl is discussing the situation with both boys and that the boys are *agreeing* to share her.

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I would add that that doesn't mean that the relationship need be completely free of conflict and jealousy.

It's fine to keep things "interesting".

What Kuwi said... there's definitely jealousy and sometimes conflict in my poly relationship. But there are also three people who genuinely care about each other and want each other to be happy, so when those things arise, we work on it instead of just saying "This sucks, forget it."

Thanks KimJo, and everyone else. Yeah, I guess no matter how you write it, some people will see "three people in a relationship = someone is cheating". And yeah there's jealousy and conflict aplenty (including mistaken identity gags, Girl thinks she received a gift from Boy 1, but it' actually from Boy 2, etc...). And anyway it's set in the future where polyamory is pretty much a mainstream/socially acceptable/no one bats an eyelid (Though still not as popular as monogamous).

I know I'm counting chickens wayyy before they're hatched, but I guess I don't want people to call it a Love Triangle because it's become this standard YA gimmick that nearly every novel is replete with, and I want to distance myself from that.

I am so happy this thread exists, and that people are writing about polyamorous relationships.