Question for the married women.

What did you do?

  • Took my husbands name because I wanted to.

    Votes: 45 58.4%
  • Took my husbands name so he wouldn't pout about it.

    Votes: 5 6.5%
  • Hyphenated our last names, of course!

    Votes: 4 5.2%
  • Kept my maiden name. I'm not about to give up my identity!

    Votes: 14 18.2%
  • I'll take Orlando's last name when we get married.

    Votes: 4 5.2%
  • Who cares as long as we serve eggplant at the reception.

    Votes: 5 6.5%

  • Total voters
    77
  • Poll closed .

sassandgroove

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don't have time to read the whole thread at present.

When I was a teen I thought I would keep my name. A bible study leader said when the time came I would be so in love I would change my mind. I think she was a little old fashioned in her thinking, but I did change my mind.

I was so excited about starting my new life with Mr. Groove that I wanted to share his name. He said it would be ok if I didn't but I can tell it pleases him that i did.

of my mom and her 3 sisters, only my mom took her husband's name. She is also the oldest. I wonder what that means. Her next sister took her first husband's name, then got divorced, changed it back to her maiden name and when she married hubby 2 said she was keeping it. I don't blame her really.
 

Disa

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hmmmm... long story short....when I got married, I dropped my first name all together, my middle name became my first name, my maiden name became my middle name, and I took my husband's last name as my last name.

So I write under my previous middle and last name :)
 

Mom'sWrite

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But when I had to make the decision, I ultimately decided that it might cause confusion regarding our children if my husband and I had different last names.

Here's all the confusion I encountered when explaining to my 3 kids why I have a different last name then they do:

"Mom, why is your last name different from Daddy's and ours?'

"Because I come from a different family than your daddy does. Kabat is the last name I got from my daddy and ***** is the last name Daddy got from his dad. Last names usually go from the father to their children."

"Okay."

I've never heard another word about it.

ETA I'm not making a judgement on your decision but making a point that "it might confuse the kids" reasoning doesn't really pan out in real world circumstances.
 
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rhymegirl

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Here's all the confusion I encountered when explaining to my 3 kids why I have a different last name then they do:

"Mom, why is your last name different from Daddy's and ours?'

"Because I come from a different family than your daddy does. Kabat is the last name I got from my daddy and ***** is the last name Daddy got from his dad. Last names usually go from the father to their children."

"Okay."

I've never heard another word about it.

ETA I'm not making a judgement on your decision but making a point that "it might confuse the kids" reasoning doesn't really pan out in real world circumstances.

No, that wasn't what I meant. Not about confusing the kids but confusing other people. I thought it would be easier when they went to school if we all had the same last name.
 

Silver King

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I spoke to my wife earlier to make sure, and the question of whether she would take my surname never came up between us before we were married. We simply never discussed it. I asked her why, and she said it had never occurred to her not to take my name.

Then she reminded me how often I go by her maiden name. My last name is Italian, difficult to pronounce, and I sometimes use hers as a matter of convenience. After several years, my barber still calls me, "Mr. Hamilton," and it's too late now to correct him. :)
 

sassandgroove

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Ok I am caught up now.
I kept my name. I like it, I use it professionally, and I don't particularly like the tradition of giving it up anyway. I'm not a different person, I just have a husband now. I still get mis-addressed mail, though.

Hyphenating would have been far too long, though my husband is considering possibly changing his surname to mine at some point.
I'm just quoting this because it is when I noticed a trend, it isn't directly only at eveningstar.

I didn't/don't see it that way with myself. I do feel different. I am still Jennifer, still me, but I am also now Wife and I am part of US. I like it. And sharing his name reflects that. But for me it is partly just having the same name, not necessarily taking his, if that makes sense.
 

Komnena

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I traded my Welsh name for my husband's once French, now very Anglicized name.
 

Siddow

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I was so excited about starting my new life with Mr. Groove that I wanted to share his name. He said it would be ok if I didn't but I can tell it pleases him that i did.

of my mom and her 3 sisters, only my mom took her husband's name. She is also the oldest. I wonder what that means. Her next sister took her first husband's name, then got divorced, changed it back to her maiden name and when she married hubby 2 said she was keeping it. I don't blame her really.

I think it is because of the hassle of reclaiming your given name after divorce that so many people choose to keep theirs after marriage. I know it was a big deal for me; my ex stood in court and contested the re-issuance of my name. He wanted me to keep his. He actually stood there and said, "Your Honor, I ask that the court deny her request to reinstate her former name." Yeah, that was a laugh, but still...ugly.

It's a paperwork thing, that's all. It's going to the SSA and the DMV with a piece of paper from a judge and saying, This is who I am now! I know I was so-and-so before, but I am me again! Take my photo and issue me a new card, please! This is something that most males only have do once, while the multi-married females do it every freaking time. Who wants to spend time at the SSA and DMV when they can avoid it by not changing their name in the first place?

Siddow, who's been there twice :)
 

Snowstorm

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I don't believe in a woman changing their name just because they get married, but it's her choice and I support whatever any woman does. I was married seven years to my husband and didn't change my name.

I figured if any man was so egotistical as to have his name the same as his wife's then the egomaniac can change his name to mine. After all, let HIM lose friends who can't locate him, go through the friggin' hassle, and have all his old important documents with the "wrong" name on them.

Then I found out what a real scumbag my dad was and immediately chose to change from his family's name. The logical choice was to change to my husband's. Sigh....
 

Bartholomew

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MaryMumsy

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Roughly 30 years ago a close friend got married. She was a PhD, he was a PhD. All her professional qualifications were under her maiden name. They took jobs in the school system of a smallish rather conservative town here in AZ. She kept her maiden name. She said they thought about getting t-shirts made which said: yes we really are married. This was due to strange looks in the grocery etc. For a while she used a hyphenated last name socially. Then dropped it for two reasons: 1) his name was Polish and no one could spell it or pronounce it 2) her first name is hyphenated (no middle name) and she thought having both hyphenated was a little too much of a good thing.

So I guess it all boils down to what we used to say in the sixties: different strokes for different folks.

MM
 

JeanneTGC

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I'd planned to keep my maiden name at least for business, since I had the start of a career going. I casually mentioned this to my (then) finance. He blanched, looked like I'd kicked him in the gut, and said, "You...you don't want to marry me?"

I calmly replied that, no, I just thought it would make sense to keep it for business, a variety of other reasons, but it wasn't a biggie, and of course I loved him.

He stared at me. "You...you don't want to marry me?" Expression still stricken, ready to barf or possibly cry in the middle of Denny's.

Tried the calm explanation a couple more times, no change, just panic on his part. Clearly, he wasn't getting it. I thought about it and figured if it meant that much to him, to the point where my saying I didn't want to take his name meant, in Him Speak, that I was trying to break up with him, I didn't care that much.

"Nope! Happily taking your last name. Let's eat."

We've been married 21 years, and he's done probably more than his share of compromises, so it's all worked out.

I'd thought the upside (in addition to actually getting to marry the man I was, and still am, in love with) would be that NO ONE would EVER misspell my married last name, because it's one of the simplest in the English language. Sadly, I was wrong.

It did take me years to feel like his last name was my last name, but now I don't think of myself in any terms of my maiden name and his is far more natural to me.
 

IceCreamEmpress

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It never occurred to me to change my last name. This is my name. (I also hate the term "maiden name" because a) gross reference to virginity, and b) implies that only women change their name upon marriage, which is not true.)

We have three couples among our friends who have changed their names upon marriage: two same-sex couples hyphenated, and one male/female couple where she changed her last name to his. Otherwise, everyone kept their own name.

I went to school with a few people who did name mashups with their spouses: there's a "Weinberg" ("Weinstein" plus something-berg) and a "Marshfield" ("Marshall" plus something-field) and some others I can't remember now.
 

SherryTex

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Kept my maiden name for the first seven years of our marriage, as all my credentials for teaching were then in my maiden name, then when our third child had "Baby Green" written on the records, I decided, what the heck and gave my husband the gift of my old driver's liscence for Christmas. He was moved to tears.

Happy with the guy, happy with the name, it's up to you and the guy to figure it out...
 

xiaotien

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i also happily changed my last name.
(who knew i was so tradiational?)
but it took a long time to get used to
because he has a (what americans think is
upper crust) anglo surname.

the worst is when they call me mrs.hub's surname
cause it makes me think of my mil.
and i'm not mil! (tho she's fantastic!)

calling me mrs. just makes me feel old.

i write / paint under my maiden name, tho. 8)
 

maestrowork

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My mother, although known as Mrs. Wong, never changed her last name. She kept her maiden name all these years, professionally and personally. But no one ever questioned whether she was really married to my father; and it was a non-issue for either of them.

In fact, it's not customary for Chinese women to take their husband's last name. The best they would do was to add the husband's surname.
 
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Shweta

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Kept my maiden name for the first seven years of our marriage, as all my credentials for teaching were then in my maiden name, then when our third child had "Baby Green" written on the records, I decided, what the heck and gave my husband the gift of my old driver's liscence for Christmas. He was moved to tears.

Happy with the guy, happy with the name, it's up to you and the guy to figure it out...

Yes, and amusing to think about here, because if I did something like that, my husband would just be confused, not moved. He sees no link at all between names and how much we care, and neither do I :)
 

Snowstorm

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It did take me years to feel like his last name was my last name, but now I don't think of myself in any terms of my maiden name and his is far more natural to me.

Reminds me of the time three years after I had changed my name, my boss walked up to me with my leave papers in her hand. Looking totally confused, she asked me: "Is this you?" I had filled out the paper using my family (maiden) name!
 

Yeshanu

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I took my husband's last name very, very happily, and even though we're separated, haven't gone back to my "maiden" name. After nineteen years of having to spell my last name out every time someone asked me what it was, it was a joy to finally have a name most people could both pronounce and spell!