Hello leifwright, may I know exactly what you mean by 'thinking more like a reader'? Is there a distinction between cinematic writing and novelly writing? If so, what is it?
I think it's a very subjective distinction. In my never-humble opinion, cinematic writing is writing that feels better for the storytelling format of a movie. For instance, waking-up openings. Light, responding more to the technological limitations of a camera than the biological limitations of eyes, washing completely out and only including objects when the focus and light level have reached acceptable levels. There's nothing inherently wrong with using cinematic writing for a novel, so long as you keep in mind that the reader wants to have narration as well.
Novel writing is much more introspective, more keyed to the imagination of the reader. This is a personal taste, but in my books, I tend to skimp on physical descriptions of my characters unless it is important to the plot. That allows the reader to put herself or himself in the main character's shoes, to project her own tastes on the romantic interest. To steal a line from Howard Stern, it's like porn: nobody wants to see too much of the character they're imagining to be themselves, because it ruins the illusion.
My novels all have their share of cinematic writing, but they are largely novel-type narratives that leave huge gaps for the reader's imagination. More to the point, they eschew movie cliches that are prisoners of the technology of making movies, in favor of realistic descriptions of how life really moves.
If you want a specific example related to your opening, sit in a dark room—completely dark—for ten minutes or so, and then abruptly turn on the lights and try to look at something. Unlike in the movies, you will be able to see what you're looking at immediately. It will suck, and it will hurt, but the light will not blind you as it does in the movies, only slowly coming into focus.
As far as thinking like a reader, understand that you have a keen picture in your mind of what you're writing and how you understand the characters, the plot and the situations to be. But the reader has none of that. They only know what you show them. That means re-reading what you've written with the understanding that the only thing the reader knows for sure is what you've already told them. And then understand that the reader is
reading this work, not watching it on the screen of your mind. They do not see the picture you see in your mind, you have to paint it for them.
