Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 1

astonwest said:

So, I went ahead and wrote up a scene from later in the book. I've done this for four other scenes later in the book now, and am slowly closing up the gaps between them...it's felt good to actually have some production...

Click to expand...

Yeah I do that. If a later scene shows up in my mind I write it right then when I'm thinking of it.

We are considered the sane and reasonable ones (even boring) compared to rock musicians, pop divas and actors.

maestrowork said:

We are considered the sane and reasonable ones (even boring) compared to rock musicians, pop divas and actors.

Click to expand...

That's because, on what an author makes, who can afford drugs?

Wait a minute....

I thought the brochure explicitly stated that there would be groupies.....

brokenfingers said:

I thought the brochure explicitly stated that there would be groupies.....

Click to expand...

Groupies. Yeah.

I've got groupies. Unfortunately, most groupies don't look like Playboy centerfolds. At least mine don't. Maybe I have to be richer and more famous.

And ... some writers have made some serious mistakes. First, your spouse or significant other may not be as supportive of that part of the writers' lifestyle as the other parts, and second, penicillin doesn't cure everything.

Note to Self:

Once contract is signed - DO NOT get married. Hire doctor on retainer. Screen groupies...

James D. Macdonald said:

Unfortunately, most groupies don't look like Playboy centerfolds. At least mine don't.

Click to expand...

So Kathy Bates was well cast...

Hey, I write for 9-12 year olds. I'll have illegal groupies. Hate to steal 'em from Michael Jackson though.

(Sorry, was that in poor taste?)

James D. Macdonald said:

Varieties of insanity known to affect authors

Click to expand...

"Your editorial comments are brilliant. I adore them. No one has ever understood my writing as well as you have. I am now so paralyzed that I can’t revise the book."

That last sentence scares me.

James D. Macdonald said:

Groupies. Yeah.

I've got groupies.

Click to expand...

**<<Goggle>>**

Someone who explicitly writes most of his books WITH HIS WIFE gets groupies? There seems to be a rather significant reality check that was missed.

Does she at least get an equal number?

A single item from the phobia list struck home.

I fooled the agent and publisher THIS time. However, any day now they're gonna catch on. When that day finally comes, the "Poser Police" will show up at my house and arrest me for impersonating a "real" writer.

Let it bump. They'll never take me alive!

Oh yeah, I have this thought ALL the time. Constantly on the lookout for the Poser Police.

LiamJackson said:

A single item from the phobia list struck home.

I fooled the agent and publisher THIS time. However, any day now they're gonna catch on. When that day finally comes, the "Poser Police" will show up at my house and arrest me for impersonating a "real" writer.

Let it bump. They'll never take me alive!

Click to expand...

I look out my window and check the shadows in my house every day.

Lenora Rose said:

**<<Goggle>>**

Someone who explicitly writes most of his books WITH HIS WIFE gets groupies? There seems to be a rather significant reality check that was missed.

Click to expand...

For some reason there's a class of young ladies who seem to feel that the way to get published is to screw a writer.

I have to keep explaining to them, "No, no, you don't understand. To get published an editor has to screw the writer."

Pervy Editor-Fancier

Does she at least get an equal number?

Click to expand...

If she does, I don't want to know about it.

James D. Macdonald said:

For some reason there's a class of young ladies who seem to feel that the way to get published is to screw a writer.

Click to expand...

Wow!! As if I even needed the added motivation!

I'll be writing all night now!

BIC - here I come!

Man, this writing gig just keeps getting better and better....

Thanks Uncle Jim!

There have been some messy divorces. Don't do this, guys. Have some self-respect.

=================

Story time.

There was a writer I know who went to a convention without his wife. He did, however, take along his three-year-old child.

Later, the child told Mommy everything that he'd seen and heard (as three-year-olds will do).

The wife got the house, the car, and custody of the kid. The writer, when last heard from, was living in a refrigerator box.

Oh that's just stupid. Wow, I would never do that! Taking my son to the convention...

I have to keep explaining to them, "No, no, you don't understand. To get published an editor has to screw the writer."

Click to expand...

You are cracking me up. And do I ever need it. I'm having a Poseur (note pretentious spellage) attack.

What was the line from Finding Forrester? Oh, this:

"Women will sleep with you if write a book?"
"Women will sleep with you if you write a BAD book."

James D. Macdonald said:

I have to keep explaining to them, "No, no, you don't understand. To get published an editor has to screw the writer."

Click to expand...

Then there are publishers that screw the writer. Of course, I'm not mentioning names.

James D. Macdonald said:

This will depend entirely on your temperament.

I would suggest starting fresh with a whole new novel (new plot, new characters) or resuming at the start of the next chapter in the current work.

Click to expand...

Not having anything else fresh in my brain, I'll go with the second suggestion (because I'm a glutton for punishment and I really want so say I finished the first novel I started)

Back to BIC after work today.

Jason M. Dyess said:

I really want so say I finished the first novel I started.

Click to expand...

I can say that...
I can also say that said novel now resides in the bottom of my closet.
I believe Uncle Jim's *official* advice has been to burn that first novel...