There Seems to be Something Wrong with My Heroine's Heart.

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RationalIdealist

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Her heart simply does too many things. In the first 5,000 words alone, her heart leaps (for excitement), sinks (for disappointment), batters wildly against her chest (she's being kissed), and plummets (in terrible shock and disappointment). She also experiences a heart-wrenching rush of anguish, promises she'll miss someone with all her heart, speaks of sweethearts, and hears a song sung that mentions--you guessed it--hearts.

Phew. Hopefully her maltreated heart can survive until the end of the novel.

But most of the hearts could be replaced by something else, something synonymous, something that involved other parts of her body or even just a full-out tell instead of a show. There are other ways to express emotions than with the organ that pumps around your blood--but honestly, at the moment I'm drained from a long week of work (and the prospect of a busy weekend) and can't think of too many. Anyone want to help?
 

Deb Kinnard

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There's always the nerves (thrills), the stomach (flutters) and the entire body (flushing, pallor).

Suggest you replace her heart-wrenching rush of anguish with simply "wrenching." In fact, review the places you're unhappy with and see if you can just remove "heart" and get the same vibe. I'll bet this might work for you in quite a number of cases.

If you think you've used her heart too much, you probably have.
 

Marlys

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Think of actual physiological things that happen when people are emotional for one reason or another. Their pulse quickens, throbs, races. Their breathing quickens, becomes ragged. Their faces flush, become hot, their blood rises. They might shiver or shake with excitement. Sometimes they might even feel dizzy.

If upset, they can feel cold, their stomach twists or clenches, their gorge may rise or acid burn in their throat. Hands sweat, or get clammy. It may be hard to breathe--tension constricts the chest.

The one danger is that all of this does happen so commonly that some of it becomes cliched--"her pulse raced" probably isn't that much of an improvement over "her heart leapt." So, if possible, try to think of ways to get it across that sound fresh. But sometimes, hey--maybe her pulse is racing.
 

jerrimander

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"her spleen raced..." doesn't have quite the same ring to it. but yeah, I get what you're saying. my heroine's stomach has dropped a number of times. hormones have spiked. skin has crawled. lungs have tightened. and her heart has gone pitter pat. your heroine sounds like she needs anti anxiety meds.
 

JulianneQJohnson

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There's this book I bought, because you know I love the learnin'. It's called The Emotion Thesaurus by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi. This book is a great resource for your quandary.

You look up an emotion like fear, or anger, or adoration, and it lists the definition, physical signals, mental responses, cues of acute or long term experience of the emotion, and cues of suppressing the emotion.

It's awesome! I think it's a wonderful way to vary your descriptions of how a character reacts to things.
 

RationalIdealist

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There's this book I bought, because you know I love the learnin'. It's called The Emotion Thesaurus by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi. This book is a great resource for your quandary.

You look up an emotion like fear, or anger, or adoration, and it lists the definition, physical signals, mental responses, cues of acute or long term experience of the emotion, and cues of suppressing the emotion.

It's awesome! I think it's a wonderful way to vary your descriptions of how a character reacts to things.

That sounds like it's exactly what I need! Thank you!
 

CharlieLyons

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There is some great advice here. I'm thinking of stealing some of it for myself. :)

One thing to consider is to take a step back for a while - hours, days, etc. - and think about something else, then come back to the work. Sometimes a clear mind can solve problems a worried mind can't.

You can also look at some of your favorite writers (if you haven't already) and see how they descries the same sensations. Mimic their success.

Also, if she is mentioning her heart doing all these things, you can have her or another character mention it, i.e. "I wish my darn heart would make up its mind, already." Someone once told me things become less cliche in writing if the author actively points it out. It seems more cliche if it looks like you don't realize it's happening.
 
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