You took the words right outta my mouth!

Caitlin Black · Aug 25, 2012

...out my sports bra if I'm going to run in the men's event.

She was quick to assure me that...

Zeddo · Aug 26, 2012

...she was a real nurse, even though all she was wearing were fishnet stockings and a red silk teddy.

Being double-jointed is handy for...

Caitlin Black · Aug 26, 2012

...flipping off two people at once.

It's late, I'm tired, and...

kenthepen · Aug 26, 2012

...I'm not attracted to you that way.

(yawn)I think I'm gonna hit ...

Lavern08 · Aug 26, 2012

...the chicken as she attempts to cross the road.

Whenever I hear a show tune ...

swachski · Aug 26, 2012

...I think it should get a tuning fork.

The great thing about singing off key is...

Zeddo · Aug 26, 2012

...there's always applause when you stop.

The main advantage of not wearing underwear...

Caitlin Black · Aug 26, 2012

...is the fame you'll receive when the paparazzi snap a few shots at interesting angles.

*Achoo!* Sorry, I seem to be coming down with a case of...

kenthepen · Aug 26, 2012

...innuendoza.

It seemed medically impossible, but...

swachski · Aug 26, 2012

...I'll suffer the symptoms.

When I walked into the confessional booth...

Caitlin Black · Aug 26, 2012

...I was surprised to find the priest getting fresh with my sister!

"I'm not celibate," he said, "I just...

Lavern08 · Aug 27, 2012

... meant to say celebrate."

I'm watching The Weather Channel because...

swachski · Aug 27, 2012

...the Shopping Network is trying to sell Isaac in four easy payments.

If it gets windy enough...

sneakysnail · Aug 27, 2012

... I can use my skirt as a sail and roll all the way to China on my skateboard.
Don't let the hairy ...

kenthepen · Aug 27, 2012

...-palmed guy watch me do that.

Skirts flying brings out the...

Lavern08 · Aug 27, 2012

...dog in most men.

As I was walking down the street one day...

Zeddo · Aug 27, 2012

...I was arrested for flagrant sashaying.

I had to have my upper lip removed...

kenthepen · Aug 27, 2012

...as my nose grew so long that it blocked my mouth.

Chewing is now...

Caitlin Black · Aug 27, 2012

...banned in 34 states for being too gross to listen to.

It was all just...

kenthepen · Aug 27, 2012

...a hasty decision gone bad, as I realized I could have simply had my nose bobbed.

If Bob's your uncle, ...

Caitlin Black · Aug 27, 2012

...does that mean Martha Stewart is my aunt?

Good music, like fine wine, never...

Silent Rob · Aug 28, 2012

...seems so great the next morning, after you've had far too much of it.

A dog is not just for christmas...

Caitlin Black · Aug 28, 2012

...they're for waking you up in the middle of the night too!

Help, I'm trapped in a...

Gilroy Cullen · Aug 28, 2012

... closet with Rosie O'Donnell.

All the Twinkies...

swachski · Aug 28, 2012

...changed wardrobes and became Ho-hos.

It's not the filling that's filling...