Hi. Back from working on my query. I'm really glad that you guys pointed out the flaws in it so at least some future agents will see a better query. BTW, the book is extremely unique but it is very difficult to express it's unique qualities in such a short paragraph without confusing the agent. Kinda bummed though because I already queried my dream agent. Urrggh.
See...that right there is a sign of problems with your book. As much as agents say they want something unique the truth is, too unique is hard to sell. The economy sucks and they want things that they know will be marketable. Plus there is very little that is truly unique.
I had trouble describing my first two books in a query too. Eventually Para made me realize that the problem was my book. Neither one of them had a central plot. One had two plot arcs and the other one meandered so much that it didn't have one.
Third piece of advice: Shady Lane once said in a blog post that the query isn't supposed to summarize your book. The goal of a query is to make an agent want to read more.
Finally, I'm not denying that I have dream agents as well, but your dream agent should be someone that loves your book as much as you do and is willing to champion it.
ETA: Myst, this might sound harsh, but I think you should stop querying and start studying the business. Read threads here. Follow agent blogs. Absorb everything like a sponge. Then in a month or two, start querying again if you feel ready.
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