Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 1

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smsarber

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He was a walking skeleton, and his clothes no longer fit. The potion's effects were not as advertised, but maybe he should have expected as much. Never trust a harpy until you've read the fine print in the contract.
_________

So what did I mean? Literal skeleton, or figurative? (it's hard to type with a baby in your arms!)
 

Ken Schneider

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That's when you need to qualify your statement.

He was so thin he looked like a walking skeleton? No?
 

vox

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He was so thin he looked like a walking skeleton? No?

Using "like" or "as" zaps it from the mystical Land of Metaphor and drops it unceremoniously in the everyday world of Simile, where the writer's imagination does all the work. And who wants to work, really? :)
 
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Ken Schneider

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Using "like" or "as" zaps it from the mystical Land of Metaphor and drops it unceremoniously in the everyday world of Simile, where the writer's imagination does all the work. And who wants to work, really? :)

Exactly. You qualify the statment so that there's know doubt what it means.
He was a walking skeleton. Bones a rattlin'.
He looked like a walking skeleton. In his baggy clothes.
 

Dawnstorm

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Well, the question is how far you take the comparison. There are people who view fantasy/science fiction as a genre where you take metaphor all the way.

In poetry, you won't normally find a line "My love was a rose. Aphids swarmed all over her." There's a point to the comparison, and the parts that don't fit are simply ignored. The rose is pretty, smells nice... An extended metaphor might add the "but". The rose now has thorns, too. In SFF, the comparison is complete: if you ignore the aphids, the comparison is faulty. (Of course, it's not necessarily a comparison. It might just be a fun with imagery. Or logical absurdity.)
 

Ken Schneider

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But Ken, we were talking about metaphor.


icon11.gif
 

Calliopenjo

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This list came from one of the members of my writing group. It's a list of similies, analogies, and whatever. Some are really funny.
==========
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
 
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Rushie

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This list came from one of the members of my writing group. It's a list of similies, analogies, and whatever. Some are really funny.
==========
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

ROFLMAO
 

Neversage

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"Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."

It's hard to overstate how funny I found this to be.

On to writing. Is it okay to introduce a character you plan to do more with in a later book? He has a role, and a needed one, but I feel it's important to establish the first parts of his larger purpose. Does that make sense?
 

smsarber

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I followed those links at work, and almost hurt myself not laughing.

--Milton

You didn't even get a kick out of this?

Oooo, he smells bad, she thought, as bad as Calvin Klein's Obsession would smell if it were called Enema and was made from spoiled Spamburgers instead of natural floral fragrances.

Coming soon to a store near you, Enema, a fragrance from Ralph Lauren and George Foreman... You haven't smelled until you've smelt Enema.
 

Neversage

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Of course it is.

As long as the character belongs in this book too. And I mean belongs.

Hmm. I'll try to go through the story in my head without him in it to make sure he really belongs. I want him to have a complete, resolved role in the story of the first book, but I also want him to be a resource my protag later turns to. Thanks, Uncle Jim.
 

FOTSGreg

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One of my writing critics liked the following from one of my stories. I'm not so sure about it's metaphoric content, but he liked it.

I checked the window. It was still morning outside. Traffic rumbled six stories below as the three-hour commute slowly ground people into slavery.
 

Scribhneoir

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You didn't even get a kick out of this?

Oooo, he smells bad, she thought, as bad as Calvin Klein's Obsession would smell if it were called Enema and was made from spoiled Spamburgers instead of natural floral fragrances.

Coming soon to a store near you, Enema, a fragrance from Ralph Lauren and George Foreman... You haven't smelled until you've smelt Enema.

I think MiltonPope meant he had to refrain from laughing because he was at work and didn't want to give himself away.
 

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I've been searching through various forums and haven't found a post that answers my question. I need to create an outline, not to be used as a skeleton to start/guide an ms, but in response to a request from an agent. In other words, the ms was written without an outline and now an agent I've asked to rep me has requested one. I've read that I should have 1-2 sentences/chapter. (I don't have chapters, but I can sort out that part, I think.)

I assume the agent wants an outline to trace the development of plot and character (they haven't requested a full,) but I don't know if it is to be written in prose like the ms or if it should be just the bare bones, (e.g., Jack meets Susan after running over her poodle.) Any pointers on what makes a professional, please-send-me-your-full outline much appreciated.

One other newbie question. When the agent says I can send either the first 50 pages or a couple of "stories," what do they mean by a story?
Thanks.
 
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