Bad Vibes

Undercover · Oct 3, 2011

Toothpaste said:
LMC - I'm probably about to be one of those people you are complaining about, but I just don't see you taking this back seat as you claim to on this site. I see you taking all your anxieties about the publication process and writing thread after thread after thread about it. To me, I can't see any good coming out of indulging your insecurities like that.

Further I have never seen anyone treat you badly here. I have seen people repeat the same advice to you over and over and you not take it and then subsequently (like a day later) post a new thread on almost the exact same topic. And people showing up on that one and pointing you in the direction of a former one. If that's what you mean by mean, well then I guess people are just cruel here.

(okay, to be fair, nobody's perfect, and I am sure you have the odd legitimate reason to be upset, but I think it's a tiny bit offensive to start a thread about mean people at AW when every single one of the threads you start is met by extremely helpful advice and empathy)

But maybe, just maybe, this isn't about the other members here, but about you. You are saying others are misinterpreting your words, but I think you often misinterpret others. I truly think that every time you start a thread about wait times or form rejections or submission patterns or whatever, you are waiting for one person to come along, wave a magic wand and make everything all better. And no one can do that for you. People can only offer you pragmatic advice. And that's where the problem comes in. You don't seem to actually want to hear pragmatic advice.

My recommendation to you would to actually step back from this site. Or better still, instead of constantly starting new threads about your woes, join in the conversations others are having. On other topics. Try to take your mind off of submissions, as opposed to indulging every concern. I think it will make you feel less stressed. And maybe if you offer to help others, instead of asking constantly for help yourself, you'll see that you actually do know your stuff, and you can sit back and relax and not worry so much.

You have experience, you have writing skill, and you have been through all this before. You should have more faith in yourself, and worry just a bit less.

I apologise if this makes me one of those bad posters here. I'm truly only trying to help.

I appreciate your honesty Toothpaste as you bring up some very valid points. I may post my concerns, but I surely don't boast my goals and accomplishments all over the place either. Granted, I'm not saying posting something your proud of is a bad thing. It's good to know there are successful writers out there. But since your casing my threads, I took a peek at yours as well and the majority of them are in G & A. Which some might see that as being brainwashed with braggage. It gets old after a while.

No offense, I wish you all the best...but to constantly post over and over again and not much anywhere else says something about you too.

CaroGirl · Oct 3, 2011

Lmc71775 said:
I appreciate your honesty Toothpaste as you bring up some very valid points. I may post my concerns, but I surely don't boast my goals and accomplishments all over the place either. Granted, I'm not saying posting something your proud of is a bad thing. It's good to know there are successful writers out there. But since your casing my threads, I took a peek at yours as well and the majority of them are in G & A. Which some might see that as being brainwashed with braggage. It gets old after a while.

No offense, I wish you all the best...but to constantly post over and over again and not much anywhere else says something about you too.

Yeah, so, that's what the G&A forum is for. If you don't want to read about people's accomplishments, you don't go there. Unfortunately, there's no Whinging and Moaning forum so you can't weed that out as easily.

Toothpaste shares her insight and experience in many replies. She's always forthright, honest and helpful. I've learned a lot from her posts over the years. And I've read her novels, which are wonderful, btw.

Try to keep passive-aggressive insults to yourself. A tip: Anything that begins "no offense" is probably about to be thoroughly offensive.

Calla Lily · Oct 3, 2011

Lmc71775 said:
I appreciate your honesty Toothpaste as you bring up some very valid points. I may post my concerns, but I surely don't boast my goals and accomplishments all over the place either. Granted, I'm not saying posting something your proud of is a bad thing. It's good to know there are successful writers out there. But since your casing my threads, I took a peek at yours as well and the majority of them are in G & A. Which some might see that as being brainwashed with braggage. It gets old after a while.

No offense, I wish you all the best...but to constantly post over and over again and not much anywhere else says something about you too.

What??? Lmc, have you read ANY of Toothpaste's posts? She is CONSTANTLY offering advice and camaraderie.

G&A is for reporting successes. People who read widely on AW know the posting pattern of members they converse with, and know who's well-rounded and who is one-note.

Disclaimer to the board: Yes, I know that was passive-aggressive on my part. I'm angry.

Theo81 · Oct 3, 2011

Lmc71775 said:
I appreciate your honesty Toothpaste as you bring up some very valid points. I may post my concerns, but I surely don't boast my goals and accomplishments all over the place either. Granted, I'm not saying posting something your proud of is a bad thing. It's good to know there are successful writers out there. But since your casing my threads, I took a peek at yours as well and the majority of them are in G & A. Which some might see that as being brainwashed with braggage. It gets old after a while.

No offense, I wish you all the best...but to constantly post over and over again and not much anywhere else says something about you too.

There's nothing wrong with having a rant. However, there is something wrong with starting threads in every single forum around here and making the same complaints over and over all the while not listening to the advice given. If you want to rant, keep it in R&D, but on the rest of the board I, at least, assume you're asking a question you want advice about.
And there is nothing wrong with boasting about what you achieve - it's what G&A is for.

I've seen you make this kind of knee jerk response before, and I've seen you delete it before the person concerned saw it (unless they had enough compassion to choose not to mention it and continue attempting to help; wouldn't put it past them.)

This response, right here, is why there is tension in your threads. My impression is that you have no interest in doing anything but hearing what you want to hear. I have no time for it, but that's just me.

Soccer Mom · Oct 3, 2011

Temp locking to stop this from turning into a pile on.

Lisa, you need to take a good, hard look at yourself. Toothpaste is voicing a valid frustration. She has started a grand total of ONE G&A thread in 2011 and a whopping four threads in any forum this year.

You have started over 200 threads this year, a great many of them complaint threads. I'm going to give you a week to stop and think about your interaction at AW.

This is not a punishment. Think of this as a time of reflection. In fact, I will show it as a "self-ban" instead of a "time-out for my sins" so that others will not think you are in trouble. You aren't. You are, however, taking up a great deal of people's time and energy. Do some soul searching, some writing and think about your participation here.

MacAllister · Oct 3, 2011

I'm actually going to step in, at this point, because there IS a problem here, Lmc71775 -- and I'm quite sure you are feeling "vibes" or tension whenever you post yet another new thread to rehash yet again the same complaints aired in your many previous threads that garnered pretty much exactly the same responses. You're wearing people out. You're wearing mods out.

So this is something I'm going to have to make decisions about: We have a community member -- a member we all care about --but who sucks all the air out of whichever room she's posting in, displays erratic and passive-aggressive behavior, reads other posts poorly or not at all, twists and distorts any responses she quotes, attempts to manipulate and control the conversation, and ignores any actual advice given, over and over again. This poster has successfully worn out nearly every mod I have, and that's a very grave situation. I've hoped for weeks that things would level out for this person, but instead, the problem behavior very much appears to be escalating.

I'm not quite sure how to address the bizarre and completely spurious response to Toothpaste's gently-worded attempt to help; I'm not even sure I should.

For the record: Toothpaste has a total of ONE post in Goals and Accomplishments, out of the last fifty posts she's made.

One.

This seems symptomatic of the problem I'm talking about, though. The truth wouldn't suit Lmc71775's need to marginalize and dismiss everything Toothpaste tried so very kindly and carefully to say; and it doesn't fit Lmc71775's need to control, distort, and define the conversation. Hence the manipulative and ludicrous mischaracterization of a fellow community member who is honestly trying very hard to help, to justify a brusque and immediate dismissal of anything said that LMC didn't want to hear. Yet again. It's a well-developed pattern LMC used to dismiss Stacia's advice, just a few days ago -- and if I recall correctly, Callalily61, before that.

It's deeply manipulative, disrespectful, and intellectually dishonest, to be blunt. And with this thread, it's finally all over.

LMC, I'm sorry to have to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm going to overturn Soccer Mom's week-long self-ban for you. Starting now, you'll still have reading and PMing privileges on the boards, but you no will no longer have posting privileges here.

You're not going to go on attempting to gaslight other members of this community any more.

I wouldn't normally be quite so public about this, but you've been having a very public melt-down all over the boards for weeks, now -- and we've *tried* to address the situation with you privately, but met with precisely the same rhetorical deflection strategies you've employed here, so at this point I think the community actually deserves to know that we have noticed, and we're taking steps to address a delicate and troubling issue as best we can.

You're welcome to PM me, of course, if you'd like to discuss the situation and my concerns in greater detail. (For that matter, anyone else concerned about the outcome of this thread is welcome to PM me with your concerns, as well.)

Leaving this thread closed.

Bad Vibes

Undercover

I got it covered

CaroGirl

Living the dream

Calla Lily

On hiatus

Theo81

Soccer Mom

Crypto-fascist

MacAllister

'Twas but a dream of thee