Post Your Early Work

Becca C.

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"It's a female!" he gasped.

HAHA every story should start with that line! This made me laugh out loud until I sounded insane XD

Ooo, speaking of wish fulfillment writing, I should poke around for my fifth grade writing notebook. I wrote a remarkable amount of a Lord of the Rings fanfic about a pretty and intelligent young redhaired elf who has to help poor, hapless Legolas and Gimli reunite with the rest of the Fellowship. :D I don't know who I thought I was fooling when I insisted it wasn't about me.

OMG when I was 12 I wrote a looooong LOTR fanfiction that takes place after the events of Return of the King, about a young hobbit girl who journeys across Middle Earth with Merry and Pippin, going to Gondor to... visit everyone. Yeah. And she gets it on with Merry and Pippin gets jealous. It's so embarrassing to think about. Maybe I'll post some here.
 

VictoriaWrites

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Ahahahhhh, I love this! "Perfect life? Almost." That line killssss me, ah.

Hahaha, I didn't dare post the part where she auditions for the school musical and I attempted my hand at songwriting. :tongue I'm so glad I hadn't discovered ff.net back then. That story sounds like some of the worst of the worst on there.
 

tatygirl90

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According to my journal this was written in 2006 when I was fifteen. It's bad...so bad. But eh we all have to start somewhere.

“My Lady, His Lord requests your presence in the Council Chamber” said a pretty, blonde maid, she was heavily pregnant and Antoinette wondered was the baby’s father her husband, Henri the King.
“Tell His Majesty that he shall come and see me” said Antoinette, she too was pregnant and was in no hurry to rush in front of her husband and his council.
“Yes, My Lady” the girl said and she waddled off to tell the news to the King.
She is going to blow any day now, the Queen said to herself. She put her hand on her swelling belly and prepared for the anger that would no doubt be directed at her from her husband.
She sat down and waited and thought about her marriage. She lacked for nothing, she was Queen of France after all. But her husband constantly cheated on her. On their honeymoon, he had slept with numerous women and had no doubt gotten countless women pregnant. She had heard her husband making love to of the Chateau de Bleu’s maids, it had eaten her up inside. ‘Oh Henri, yes, kiss me there,’. She still wanted to strangle that twit’s neck.
“Lady Amanda” she called to the girl brushing her hair.
“Yes, My Lady” the girl called above her head. Lady Amanda was a pretty fourteen yard old with bright red hair and vibrant green eyes and seven months pregnant. There was no doubt, she was carrying Henri’s child. She was one of his most prominent mistresses. Her father had arranged the entire thing and Henri took the bait.
“Who is that girl?”
“She, My Lady, is Olive,” said Amanda “I don’t know what her last name”
“Is she pregnant with my husband’s child?”
“Yes, My Lady and she’s eight months along” Amanda said
“How old is she?”
“Twelve, My Lady”
“Ah, just a babe, I had my first child when I was eleven though, so I can’t talk, tell me more about her, Amanda”
“She’s the bastard daughter of Sir Thomas Byuleen. Her mother was the wife of one of his students at the Royal Law Academy. I think she was sixteen at the time and had three sons when she engaged in the affair, Lady Adrianna was not pleased to hear that her husband had impregnated her, she was so angry they say. She had Olive, her husband was nice to the girl, but he was cold and distant after her birth. Olive then came to the palace and got a job, so she could move away from here and to England. Unfortunately she got side tracked by His Lord and was seduced into his bed and now she’s pregnant. But the King had been taking care of her and will take care of the babe too, when it is born or so I hear.”
“You know a lot, Lady Amanda.”
“Yes, My Lady”
“Tell me, did His Lord give you that necklace?”
“Yes, My Lady” she whispered
“Those earrings, brooches, headdress, and everything you have on you, too?”
“Yes, My Lady” she said, she had ceased to brush her hair now.
“Tell me, is my husband just as good in bed with you as he is with me and no doubt, Olive?”
“Yes, My Lady”
“Ah, that is all, you are dismissed”
Lady Amanda, clutching her swollen belly, ran out of the room as fast as she could.
“Bitch,” the Queen whispered to herself.
Everywhere she turned there was a pregnant girl carrying her husband’s child. She was so tired of it.
The baby kicked as in agreement.
“Yes that’s right, you must be a little princess, I think I’ll name you Katrina”
The baby kicked in response, just as the King, the father, stormed in the room.
“Just what is your problem?” he screamed
She fell on her knees and knelt and stayed there as she searched for the right words.
“My Lord,” she started, but was interrupted.
“You disobey me and then you upset Lady Amanda, you almost put her into premature labor”
“Lady Amanda, Lady Amanda, is that all you care about? What about me, you burst in here and surprise me, I could have went into premature labor and could have miscarried your male heir,” Antoinette said “ What about that Olive girl, can’t you respect me and keep it in your pants?” As she said this, she noticed that his member was partially stick out, no doubt from Olive or maybe Lady Amanda pleasuring him. Thinking this, Lady Amanda and Olive appeared at the door. Olive messing with her dress tail and Amanda pressing her swollen breasts back into her gown.
“Why do cause me so much pain, My Lord” Antoinette pleaded “I have been a good and just wife as well as a Queen to you.”
“What I do is none of your business, Antoinette, I treat you good as you should be treated, why do you still complain?” Henri said
“I don’t want you to have mistresses, why do you need them, they are low and scum. Don’t I pleasure you enough?” she stood up now to face her husband, but she only came up to his chest, her husband was a very tall man.
“Don not forget that your mother was my father’s mistress” Henri said ignoring her question.
“Why, you low down and dirty dog,” she bristled at the insult
“You as well, My Lady were my mistress”
“My mother was a good lady” Antoinette said ignoring the insult to herself, she must defend her mother’s memory first and then herself.
“So I’ve heard in bed, too” said Henri, smirking as he did.
She slapped him, hard. “Never insult my mother!”
He grabbed her by the arms and pushed her to him. Olive and Amanda rushed out of the room.
“Let me tell you something, you shut your damn mouth and eyes as others in your position have or you shall suffer the fate of your nieces” he growled.
“Please, My Lord, you are hurting us” she said reminding him of the fact that she was pregnant.
He let her go cruelly and stepped back.
“Please, My Lord, think of the baby, I could carry a son” Antoinette said touching her belly.
Henri left the chamber and slammed the door behind him.
Antoinette slowly laid on the bed and wept. Her husband didn’t love her, her mother was dead and her sister was in Burgundy. Could it get any worse?
 

Varthikes

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Okay, here's a sampling from my first "novel" (with a word count of 17,800) that I wrote between 13 and 14. With my lack of understanding the political system, I had vice-presidents and prime ministers working as secretaries, and I pretty much skipped over the ambassador's role.

David, start up the emergency propellers,” I instructed. David did so just as we heard a metallic bang. The whaling tanker had fired a harpoon torpedo. “Hard to port!” I shouted instantly without any self-control. “Get us between!”

David was already making a sharp turn to port while my finger slammed the laser trigger, letting loose a stream of red energy from the cannons. Where the lasers were supposed to hit the torpedo, they only succeeded in tracing the wretched thing’s course. In the time it took to blink, the torpedo had punctured the whale’s smooth skin. The tip of the torpedo, embedded in the whale’s skin, exploded and released a shock wave of tremendous pain throughout the whale’s body.

*

The Right Whale moaned in agony. PAIN!!! SO MUCH PAIN!!! With every slightest movement of his muscles, a tremendously painful shock rushed through his body. Why do the Humans persist on hunting him and others like him in such a barbaric manner? After all that he and other Cetaceans have done for the Humans, they continue to hunt him to no end.

Though the pain was great, the need to survive was too great to give up. He will fight to survive until the very end.

*

When the harpoon torpedo hit, David stopped turning and I stopped shooting laser bolts. We were all silent with our mouths opened in shock as the whale groaned out loudly in pain. I don’t know about anyone else, but when the whale groaned in pain, I could feel a shock wave of pain rush throughout my own body. As if I had been the one with a harpoon sticking out of me. I somehow knew how the whale felt. The wounded whale tried to continue swimming away. Inside me, I felt the pain that the whale suffered with every movement.

Suddenly, the whaling tanker launched another harpoon torpedo from a different launcher.

Aldwin!” yelled Robert as he pointed to the torpedo. Even as he yelled, I literally dropped myself back into my seat. As the torpedo proceeded on its mission of barbarism, I fired laser bolts like mad (which I was). With the laser bolts intersecting the torpedo’s path, they formed a destructive barrier for the torpedo. This time I did hit the torpedo. The torpedo exploded about half way between the whaling tanker and the whale.

Bits of medal continued on toward the whale. I knew that those bits of medal would injure the whale a bit more and, judging by pain I felt when the previous torpedo hit, the pain would certainly be enough to kill the poor creature. Therefore, I ordered David, “Full speed! Get the cabin between the whale and those bits of medal!”

Audwin's attempt to stop this whaling operation would set off World War III.
 

Windcutter

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I found a very early piece. xD Bet you won't guess what it is about.

The world stretched over in a net of sparkling contingencies. She was here and everywhere, a mountain riding on a wind. She fell apart and was born again to her own promise: her first, her last, her forever. Her arms around his neck were medicinal snakes holding a cup of cure, and she herself was ailing without a hope, without a tear of regret.

Yessss. Her first kiss. Purple prose... doesn't begin to cover it. It's ultraviolet.
 

Castaspella

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I found a very early piece. xD Bet you won't guess what it is about.



Yessss. Her first kiss. Purple prose... doesn't begin to cover it. It's ultraviolet.

That is really one amazing kiss (; Did they stay together in the end?
 

Missus Akasha

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Here is fifteen-year-old me writing a story about a world where there is a divide between people who can shapeshift into animals and people who have an animal living inside of them (totems):

After school, Freddy went to the library for a history project. The principle of the project was to find a group of people that affected the Eastern world before the 21st century. Out of a hat drawing, she got the Vikings.

She sat at a round table towards the back of the library with her nose buried in one of the five books she got from the nonfiction section. Freddy never knew that Norse history was so complicated.

“Freddy Thurman.”

When she heard her name, she glanced up to see That Guy on the other side of the round table. She cocked her head to the side in confusion. “Sic a private detective on me or something?” She questioned with a smirk. Freddy wasn’t too surprised that he would found out her name. He was an Alpha meaning he had connections.

“Nope, I looked at the library check in list. Your name was the one only who hadn’t checked out yet,” He said as he took a chair from a used table and turned it around so he straddled it.

“Clever boy.” Freddy was pretty impressed. “How did you find me?” She asked.

That Guy tapped on his nose twice. “I followed your scent.”

“Is that what you tell every girl?” She said as she returned her book.

“Nah, I only tell that to girls who already know what I am.” He said.

“I know what you are but I don’t know who you are.” Freddy said as she turned to the next page.

“Then ask me. I’m an open book.”

Freddy smirked. “I’m not a very good reader,” She replied smartly.

“Okay, then I’m an open picture book,” He countered. “So ask me something.”

“No,” Freddy said as her bright brown eyes scanned over the text before she grabbed her pencil and began to scribble down a few notations in her composition book.

“Well thank you for asking,” That Guy cleared his throat dramatically before he spoke once more. “My name is Soren. Soren Nordenberg.”

Freddy sighed heavily and looked up at him. “You’re very persistent.”

“Most Alphas are.” Soren said.

“Well I’m not an Alpha, I am copycat, remember?” Freddy said.

Soren shook his head and smiled. “I never understood why our kinds never got along. Technically, we are all the same but just given different abilities.”

“We aren’t the same. You can shift into an animal, I have one living inside of me.” Freddy frowned.

Here is seventeen-year-old me starting a story about djinn who are human souls leaving in a city in the astral plane and the main character is transported to this plane, but she is physically there.

Her bright brown eyes glanced to the tribal white outline tattoo that circled around the upper section of her brown forearm. A few weeks after she had came to the city, it suddenly appeared on her forearm. She tried to rub it off, scratch it off, and everything in between but nothing worked. Shortly after the arrival of the tattoo, odd things began to happen.

If she concentrated very hard on a victim of her choice, everything around her would slow down as though someone had pressed a ‘slow-mo’ button on a remote control but she was completely unaffected and could move at a normal speed. Oddly enough, she used it to her advantage. When she used her ‘slow-mo’ power, she could pickpocket faster and slip away without getting caught.

James placed a hand to her stomach as it began to grumble. “Dinnertime, Cyber.” She said with a grin and leaned against the wall, waiting for someone to pickpocket. The white cat meowed in response.

As though everything was falling into favor of James, a tall man with long red hair walked past the opening of the alleyway. She rubbed her hands together and licked her lips, as she could almost taste the steamy ramen noodles from the noodle shop on 23rd Street, a few blocks away. If she hit the jackpot with this victim, she could get a few slices of meat for Cyber.

James crackled her knuckles before she slipped from the alleyway. She casually stuffed her hands into the deep pockets of her vest and walked closely behind him. James could see a lump in his back pocket of his pants and immediately assumed that it was his wallet. She locked her eyes on her victim and breathed deeply through her nose as she concentrated. She could feel the environment pulse around her like a steady heartbeat as everything around her slowed down. She reached forward to carefully retrieve the wallet from his pocket but he snapped around and took a hold of her wrist.

She yelped in surprise at the sudden movement and everything went back to normal. No one had ever done that before. How could he shatter the slow motion?

James gulped down hard as she saw the muscles in his jaw clench and his icy blue eyes narrow into deadly slits from behind his rectangular glasses. She watched as his eyes darted down to the white outline tribal tattoo around her forearm. He tightened his grip on her wrist. “Where did you get that?” He demanded.

Oh, the good old days.
 

Twinkie

spongy, yellow, & an utter mystery
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This is the 2nd best thread ever (sorry, but the kissing scenes thread is the best). I totally want to participate, but it will take me some time to dig up the really old stuff. Most of it is in storage, as I just don't have room in my tiny bedroom for anything other than projects I actually plan to work on at some point.

I will say that I've got some pretty awesome (if by awesome we mean BAD) stuff hidden away. Like Baby-Sitters Club fan-fiction. (Oh yes! Totally serious. Though I had no idea what fan-fiction was when I wrote it.) And my first short story, "The East Wing Fright!" (Exclamation point included because I guess the word "fright" wasn't enough to convey "not scary at all ghost story"). And then there were the stories I wrote in high school with my friends, which was basically fan-fiction of our own lives. Mine usually involved wowing my classmates (and my crush) with my mad figure skating skillz (which I did not actually have). I'm sure I can dig something up next time I'm mucking through the storage unit.

Shine on, you precious diamonds, you. I hope you all realize that this stuff doesn't suck as much as you think it does. It's mostly just earnest and young and inexperienced. It's adorable! :p
 

HopelessDreamer

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It seems that most of us struggled with:

A.) Purple prose
B.) Sheer ridiculousness
C.) Some wonderful combination of A and B.

Here's a gem from my first novel, written when I was 14 or 15:

She stood in a space - could it even be considered a space?- void of almost anything material. All around her was a pure, misting haze that covered the ground and sky, though she wondered if both even existed. It appeared as white as a pure snowfall in the fresh mountain valleys, moon-blanched, though no celestial bodies were present.

Like, what? What am I even attempting to describe here?
 

Anninyn

Stealing your twiglets.
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Thanks. I just found my old livejournal.

Apparently I was pretty awful when I was 18 - who knew?

On the way back from sidmouth we sropped off at Maiden Castle, which was originally Mai Dun, dun meaning hillfort. It's a spectacular place, an iron age hillfort a mile long, with the remains of a well and a roman temple. It's currently covered in sheep grazing and shitting everywhere, and my mum made the comment 'it's fairly reassuring to know that whoever you are, eventually your sacred places will be grazed by sheep.'.

I recommend everyone goes, but I warn you, anyone with even vauge psychic or empathic abilities will feel the screaming of the blood from when it was finally overrun. It is an amzing place, and how it looks and FEELS cannot be described in words...
 

Anninyn

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HAHA every story should start with that line! This made me laugh out loud until I sounded insane XD



OMG when I was 12 I wrote a looooong LOTR fanfiction that takes place after the events of Return of the King, about a young hobbit girl who journeys across Middle Earth with Merry and Pippin, going to Gondor to... visit everyone. Yeah. And she gets it on with Merry and Pippin gets jealous. It's so embarrassing to think about. Maybe I'll post some here.

I think I was about the same age where I started writing something where I NOT ME AT ALL was captured by EVIIIIIL and Legolas's hotter, younger brother had to come and rescue me HER NOT ME except I NOT ME AT ALL broke out of the chains and was half way through the fortress when he got there.
 

HopelessDreamer

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I think I was about the same age where I started writing something where I NOT ME AT ALL was captured by EVIIIIIL and Legolas's hotter, younger brother had to come and rescue me HER NOT ME except I NOT ME AT ALL broke out of the chains and was half way through the fortress when he got there.

I hope his name was Armolas.
 

KimJo

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From my first novel. I was 12. It was 1982. (I'm old.)

Most people say that there's no life on other planets. Well, that just shows how much they know. My name is Jenie Derrison, and my best friend was from another planet.

Nobody knew where she came from. One day she wasn't there, and the next she was. We lived in a very small town, and if anyone had moved in, the whole town would have known in a couple hours. But no one had seen Maggie move in.

I copied that from the original, Smith-Corona typewritten manuscript, which has somehow survived 32 years and 21 moves...
 

Twinkie

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From my first novel. I was 12. It was 1982. (I'm old.)



I copied that from the original, Smith-Corona typewritten manuscript, which has somehow survived 32 years and 21 moves...

I sooooo would have read that when I was 12. I probably would have written like that too.
 

KimJo

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Thanks, Twinkie :) The story continues with Jenie accompanying Maggie back to her home planet and saving the planetary president's son from a kidnapper.

I like some of what I'm reading in this thread. I think some of these stories should find new life somewhere!
 

KMastro

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I was in first grade when I wrote this line:

"Gold, gold, gold. That's all she wants is gold."

It was a story about my mother. She hung it on the refrigerator until I graduated college.
 
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BekkahSmith

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I adore this thread! I need to find some of my old work. I'm sure my mom has it stashed away somewhere. I will look when I stop by this evening. You can see budding writers in each post :)
 

Charging Boar

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I love this thread so hard.

OK, you asked for it. **BAD POETRY ALERT BAD POETRY ALERT**

This is from my angsty early teenage years. I especially dig my edgy line breaks.



Also, while I'm on a sharing kick, I have another poem that includes the line "occasional droplets of cruel rain of no concern." Yeah.

Hehe, I love the line breaks. I imagine one of those stop/start poets reciting this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lnmdu1dSx4U
 
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Hi, everyone!
I am new to the forum.
This is my first time posting any of my work. Please, give me some feedback.

The Do's and Don'ts While Traveling On Public Transportation

This is one of the plusses,
Don't eat on buses.
Don't behave cheeky.
Don't write graffiti.

Don't be a spitter;
Remember, don't litter.
Do not panhandle.
Don't ever gamble.

Be honest, admit it!
You, sometimes, solicit.
Don't ever smoke.
Arrest is no joke!

Act civilized,
Don't vandalize.
Don't carry weapons,
Whenever you get on.

Let me tell you again,
Do not drink on the train!
Don't be unfair.
Please pay your fare.

I tried getting the NYC Transit Authority to place it on their posters. They rejected it.
 

Daydreamer92

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I'd post something but my first stories were a Jungle Book do-over(I wrote it the way I wanted it to go, complete with illustrations!), and then something along the line of a "Total Jaws rip-off written by a 10 yr old". I recall that the shark wins but spares the shark hunter at the end before he/she/it nobly swims off into the sunset. Or something.

I think I still have 'em in a box somewhere. Probably too close to 'fan fiction' to see the light of day here.