English as she is spoke and wrote

Dear coworkers,

Most of you have advanced degrees. Why then do you:

1) Believe that Important Nouns and Diseases need to be capitalized. The patient has autism, not Autism. I have yet to learn, for example, about a special mack daddy form of Autism with a capital A. The same goes for all manner of ills. If I read one more turgid email about this or that cherub with a Seizure Disorder and a Disruptive Behavior Disorder, I will seize myself. You are on warning.

2) Not possess the ability to summarize. I'm looking at you, Queen Dither. You can be in my office for ten minutes trying to ask me a question that could be phrased in about a dozen words. When I ask you quite directly what your concern is, you act like I just kicked your puppy. Sum. Up.

3) Residents. What's with starting your reports this way: "Judy is a wonderful 8 year old Caucasian female." "John is a delightful 6 year old African American male." What stoned Romper Room teacher of a preceptor physician taught you this? Stop doing it now. Oh, and you too. Sum. Up.

/cranky mcgrumpypants

Mela, I'll see you your Portuguese toilet bowls and raise you my former boss, a kindly but eccentric geneticist who published a lot. When he found out I had an interest in writing, he would toss his manuscripts across my desk and say, "Work your magic." I will draw a veil over the experience of editing his work; I've never had to hike through warm Jello and I'm not sure if any other image does justice to the experience. Anyway. Eventually his secretary had me proof important correspondence as well.

An example of just why is the thank you note he wrote to, oh, let's say Dr DNA at Prominent University for her visit and lectures to our department. I'm not even making this up:

Dear Dr:

We wish to thank you for your excellent presentation and time spent with us. The presentation was most excellent. We are grateful for your time and attention. Once again, we appreciated your lecture and all the time you spent with us. Please accept our gratitude and many thanks.

Thank you again.

Gratefully,

etc., etc.

Do you do the same rolling-the-hands gesture with Ms. Long-winded like I do?

Click to expand...

Mentally only. Ms. Longwinded gets a little offended when I betray any impatience. Maybe because I'm in the Midwest--I don't know--most of my colleagues seem much more tolerant, even expectant, of dithering and nonlinear information than I am. Or maybe I'm just an impatient harpy, which is come to think of it pretty likely.

BRAZIL WILL KEEP THE TALENT

OF BEING THE BARN OF THE WORLD.

Click to expand...

My God, this is a thing of beauty.