How to write a great query. NOT.

scarletpeaches said:

When was I ever snarky about incompetent, illiterate fuckwits clogging the internet with their special brand of gonna-burn-in-hell-for-making-me-know-this-crap-exists fuckwittish douchebaggery with shiny brass knobs on?

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Who exactly is in hell, the agent?

These are not made up, sadly, as I have seen some of these very queries.

King, isn't the opposite also possible? Don't you get queries that a great because they have been workshopped to death, but then the requested chapters doesn't measure up?

Seems like these crappy queries are honest at least, and therefore save the agent some time.

scarletpeaches said:

If anyone ever calls me arrogant for claiming to write kick-ass queries and synopses ever again, I shall direct them to this thread and say, "This is my competition. This."

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And that is why people who have been on this site and made use of the help available are already ahead of the game.

I'd imagine your average AW-trawler is more adept at writing queries/synopses than your average writer.

I feel sorry for the authors in SH, but I love the snark dearly. It's up there with Clients From Hell for schadenfreude goodness.

I just spent the last half-hour laughing.

I love it!

OH MAN!!!

and I thought the query letters on Query Shark were funny. These are priceless. I'm not sure what got me laughing harder - the letters or the agents comments....

Hahahahhaaa!!

This is a great "how not to" especially for me, as I've been working for 4 weeks to write my frigging query letter. It's driving me nuts.