I have been abused as a child, which is why, as I said, I can't read books about child abuse. My own experiences have made me sensitive.
But I don't rationally judge a book based on my sensitivity. I realize that the same story might mean other things to other people with other experiences, and that their interest in reading or writing a book about child abuse is just as valid as my reason for not reading it.
What you are all doing is saying that everyone must feel about this book like you do. You deny people the right to perceive those words differently than you do.
And yes, words have power. But only if you allow them power over you. When someone calls me names I have the choice to simply laugh at that person, or to allow those words to hurt me. I don't have the same choice with a phyisical blow. It always hits me. But I don't have to let the words hit me, I can think: That person has a problem and is trying to transfer his negative emotion to me. But I feel fine, and I know that I am not what that person is calling me. Only if you are insecure will you allow others to hurt you with words. If you are secure in your self-worth, then words are just that: words.
Let me give you a real life example: I am a parent of a small child. Sometimes that child is very angry at me for denying him something, and he tells me that he does not love me anymore. And it is even true. At that moment, my son does not love me any more, but rather detests me. Yet, should I let his words break my heart? No. For one, I know that his feelings about me will change again. And for another, I am not his friend. I don't depend on him loving me. I am his parent, and it is my job to help him grow into a happy adult. And if that means that he does not love me as much as his friends or other people, who allow him every whim and vice, than that is how it must be. Because I don't have a child to be loved by him, but to love him and help him grow. Only an insecure parent would allow their children's anger to hurt them.
My perspective on the words of other people is the same: I don't live to be loved by everyone. I live to be myself. And if that entails being called names, then so be it. It runs off my skin like water. Because I love myself.
So if someone writes an erotic fantasy about rape (or whatever it is that you are sensitive about), you have the choice to say: that person likes spinach, but I don't, and that is well. As long as the authors and their readers don't go out and rape people, they can love stories about rape as much as they like.
It is the difference between a pedophile and a child molester. The pedophile desires something, the child molester acts it out. I can respect the first, but not the second.
And that's all I'm gonna say on the matter. If you feel you need to read yourself into every book ever written, then that's your choice, and you are free to make it. I'd rather not get upset about words, I preserve my anger for the deeds of people.
Well, first and foremost, I would like to express how sorry I am that you were abused as a child. That truly breaks my heart.
Like myself, it would seem that though the damage is there, you have been lucky enough to overcome that horrible experience/memory and lead a fairly normal life (this is just an assumption based off things you've said, so if I'm wrong, please forgive me).
I would also like to clarify that I am by no means IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM trying to dissuade people from reading this book or any other book I might have strong opinions about. Funny enough, I read this book after reading a LOT of controversy on it. I had friends who LOVED this book and friends who vehemently hated it, and I read the varying opinions on GR. Now, the truth is, I LOVED the Twilight series. And still do. Do I think Edward was a bit creepy in his behavior at times? Yes. Did I see it right away when I first read it? Surprisingly, no. I got sucked into the trap of thinking Edward was the most perfect guy whose actions and demands on Bella were romantic in nature and love based. And I truly believe it had to do with my past and still being tempted to think that sort of behavior is romantic even though I KNOW it's not.
Anyway, I digress. My point was that even with all the controversy surrounding this book (HH), I really wanted to find out for myself whether or not I'd like the book because I do not believe in book burning or book bashing just for the sake of being controversial and jumping on the latest book bashing bandwagon. I like what I like and I don't give a rat's a$$ what others think. So, I went in with an open mind (and still having a lot of love for Twilight) and believing that I might actually really love this book, but, as you well know, I did not. It wasn't so much the fact that N thought P was so hawt, or that she was willing to overlook the fact he psychologically manipulated her, physically abused her, and threatened to kill her on a regular basis. What bothered me was that the author consistently had her characters make choices that were never really justified through dialogue, IM or narration. It just didn't make sense. It was like she made all these lame choice for her character for the sake of moving the plot along (which I'm still trying to figure out--maybe I should finish the book just to get a full picture of the story--though I'm not sure I can make it through).
You mention that you are able to let words and name calling slide off you. And that's great. As an adult, I'm able to do that as well. But as a teen, everything was so much more intense. Again, the developing brain of a teen is VERY different (studies show that the teen brain relies more on the amygdala for making emotionally based choices and the frontal cortex for academic ones where the adult brain relies much more heavily on the frontal cortex--the area of the brain that is responsible for the ability to plan and reason--for both emotional and academic choices/responses). Again, this is not to say that all teens make bad choices or go for the bad-ass hot boy all the time. But words can and do affect teens very deeply. Just look at all the teens who are committing suicide from bullying and cyber-stalking/bullying. Postings on Facebook and twitter and instagram and the bazillion other means of reaching people, all involve WORDS that do have an affect, especially on teens, whether it's direct or subconscious. I'm not talking about how your adult self relates to these things. I'm talking about how the developing teen mind relates to these things and perceives them and whether they have the ability to let these "just words" slide off them.
I am vehemently against book banning and would never ever tell anyone not to read any book. Everyone must form their own opinion. I was just expressing mine and my concerns for this book becoming a movie that will further glorify this type of a relationship as being okay and healthy in the mind of teens who are in the process of developing their own right from wrong and personal moral values, and in which media has a HUGE HUGE HUGE influence in this development
I am the mother of two young daughters. Will I let them read Twilight and HH if they want to when they are old enough? Absolutely. Will I have a discussion about their thoughts on them and other books they read when they're done? Most definitely. Will I hope and pray that my daughters have the self-esteem and security in who they are as strong independent young women to choose guys who will respect them and treat them with love, kindness, and dignity and be everything P and Edward and all these other bad boy characters are not? You bet your sweet a$$ I will (ETA: Sorry, this was not meant directly to you though I'll assume these words slid right off you
). And while I understand that we as parents can do everything "right" and still have kids who stray from a healthy decision making path, I will never EVER be okay with my girls settling for a guy who treats them like $hit, slams them against a wall, threatens them or does or says anything to put them down or lower their sense of self. Sadly, not all kids/teens (as you may well know) have parents who have the sense or caring/love to guide them toward making these decision, so they are stuck to fend for themselves and are made more vulnerable toward making their own skewed decisions on what constitutes love. And words, whether in the form of song lyrics, or a book, or a posting on the internet, or TV or movies or what have you, have a very, VERY strong influence on our youth in both negative and positive ways. They aren't IMO, "just words". They are the visible, and very often, invisible, shape/mind shifters of our young ones.
Whoa...I think I might have fallen off topic there. But, I will end things on my end at this time. I think.
Soapbox over.
Is that really considered YA?
