Pff. Poetry snobs. C'mon, Rob, let's go put extra "u's" in all their poems.
*kicks Angie*
hmmm...I may be overusing the articles in the first verse. Of course, I'm trying to emphasize the loneliness of the dog and the family prior to their being joined together -- one howling void, one hungry family, one missing note, one black beagle terrier, one gift. But that first verse is kinda overdoing it. Maybe if I split it up...maybe take out one article...
CassandraW said:
Fifteen candles flicker
german chocolate cake devoured
leaving a void
howling
a hungry
family choir
missing
a note --
one
black beagle terrier,
fragile frame
no larger than
the pulsing organ
beating against
my newly budding breasts
barking
grunting
snoring
a Baskerville demon hound
whimpering for home
my heart
A gift
engorged with love devotion
wrapped in
palpitating fur
Yeah -- and I don't need the fragile frame bit. Works better without it.
Can't really decide about the "my heart." I was trying to tie the dog and heart together, but given the imagery, I think it might be overkill.
What do you think -- better? Also, I'm obviously trying to tie in the dog imagery with my love and my family, but I'm wondering -- are my breasts too distracting?