Russ, do you do anything official to commemorate the fallen? I used to know this guy online, Joe, who lost a bunch of friends in 'nam. For years, all the hoopla about Memorial Day depressed the hell out of Joe, until he got the idea of identifying the graves of military men in his city's small cemeteries. (Apparently the VFW placed flags at the big ones.) So Joe spends Memorial Day morning planting flowers, tending graves, and otherwise serving those who served so well, then feels uplifted and reminded to enjoy his life.
I thought that was pretty nice. He said nobody he knows in real life realizes he does this, except his wife. She volunteered to join him, but Joe wants to do it alone.
Maryn, who hasn't seen Joe in many years
I know my views on death, funerals, graves, etc., especially relating to the military and political matters, are different from what many believe. I sure mean no offense to anyone, but here's how I see it and why:
During the last few years of the war in Vietnam, one of my peripheral duties was as an honor guard at Marine burials. Long story to short, dropping dead Marines, my brothers, into holes in the ground, time after time, as their families and friends wept, wailed and grieved at their gravesides just fried me. Something snapped. I just won't go to funerals anymore. I didn't even go to my father's funeral.
Certainly, the holiday’s ceremony and celebrations do absolutely nothing for the dead. It does not console them, though I suppose some of us, the living, are consoled. It’s a way to remember. How could we forget? Visiting and decorating veterans’ graves does not honor them, does not justify their deaths, and it certainly does not bring them back. What lay in the ground is not them. They are gone. It’s a way for us to TRY to cope with our loss and gain closure, and perhaps to rationalize and feel better about why they are gone.
I think the biggest thing we can do to honor dead veterans is quit making more dead veterans—support nothing of this country, the government or the military that contributes to that. Fight every day, in no matter how small a way, to give NO support, rather than remembering once a year to eat a hamburger and drink a beer to "honor" the dead.
Note that not a single war the U.S. has fought in since WWII has had anything to do with protecting this country, the U.S. Constitution or our "freedoms," not even the current wars in the Middle East. The cover story our government and military has fabricated to enlist our support is just that—a fabrication. Every American service member who has died in combat since WWII has died for nothing more than to further the imperial interests of the U.S. and global military industrial complex.
I do not apologize for my beliefs born of a long history of experience, nor will I argue here with anyone with differing beliefs, but I do apologize to anyone thinking it was inappropriate of me to take this opportunity to state them in this forum. If a single person objects, I will delete my post.