Teens Writing for Teens, issue 6

I've changed mine multiple times. Just message an Admin and tell them what you want to change it to.

Taylor_Writes said:

I've changed mine multiple times. Just message an Admin and tell them what you want to change it to.

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Oh cool thanks! this is probably a stupid question, but where do I find a list of admins?

Hi guys!

Sorry, Pauline, I do not know.

I'm in a flat. Not just any flat. THE flat. MY flat.

I finished my run! (21 minutes, alternating 1 and 1/2 minutes of running and 2 minutes of walking).

And here is a new idea for a book

Maggie Sparrow, aka TACHYON - the fastest girl alive - has a life that looks pretty good. Her parents are loving, her school is pretty awesome and her side job is defending her city from super-villains. Aside from a recent breakup with her boyfriend, Manny Dash, it's peachy! But Maggie knows the real reason behind that breakup.

She found out that Manny was actually Slash and Burn, a D-Class (World Domination, low casualties) supervillain. But, more awkwardly, she found that out when she and Slash were making out after a pretty frantic fight as, like many D-Classes, Slash is...really really sexy. But when a particular Nebraska shaped birthmark revealed both their secret identities...things got complicated.

Now, Tachyon has to fight not just Slash, but also her lingering and damn annoying feelings for Manny. The only positive is that the sex - which just keeps HAPPENING - is really good. But what neither hero nor villain know...is that they have both become drawn into the grasp of a threat more insidious and terrifying than anything they could possibly imagine: A capricious, deadly and pitiless force known as Nar'Rator.

UNTITLED IDEA is a YA superhero novel of 60k words.

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The WriteOnCon forums are so addicting. I just joined a couple hours ago and I've already spent all my time reading the threads there. Huh.

pg, there's a list at the bottom of the main AW forums page.

^^thanks!

Okay, so been reworking my MAAH query letter because... I felt it needed some changes. I may go back to my original, but I've been playing around. Thoughts? (especially on that long as hell first sentence?)

When Emil Aleric was saved from Wonderland seven years ago, the night he watched his sister die, he wanted nothing more than to forget the torture, and his captor, a man calling himself the Hatter and claiming to have come from the future, along with it. But when in 1882, a serial killer ravages London, leaving only notes quoting Alice in Wonderland, Emil knows his former abductor has returned. And when his guardian, Inspector Corwin James, is put in charge of the case, he’s sure it isn’t mere coincidence.

At first, Emil tries to ignore the evidence. But then his best friend falls victim to the madman, and everything changes. Emil was always sure, deep down, that when the time came he wouldn’t be able to hide; but now, he isn’t sure he wants to.

At first, Corwin's adamant that Emil can have nothing to do with the case; after all, he’s only fourteen. However, as the two come closer to learning the truth of the murders, they find the most pivotal clues lie in Emil’s memories—suppressed for seven years, but now threatening to consume him.

Emil never really believed that the Hatter had come back from the future. But now that Emil must fight the man again, he realizes he might have to—or else time itself could end.

MAD AS A HATTER is a YA paranormal thriller complete at 51,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.

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Small grammar things I think you should fix: (I'll quote how you wrote it and then put down my re-write advice)

"When Emil Aleric was saved from Wonderland seven years ago, the night he watched his sister die, he wanted nothing more than to forget the torture, and his captor, a man calling himself the Hatter and claiming to have come from the future, along with it. "

When Emil Aleric was saved from Wonderland seven years ago, the night he watched his sister die, he wanted nothing more than to forget the torture, and his captor, a man calling himself the Hatter, who claimed to have come from the future.

"At first, Corwin's adamant that Emil can have nothing to do with the case; after all, he’s only fourteen. However, as the two come closer to learning the truth of the murders, they find the most pivotal clues lie in Emil’s memories—suppressed for seven years, but now threatening to consume him. "

Corwin's adamant that Emil can have nothing to do with the case; after all, he’s only fourteen. However, as the two come closer to learning the truth of the murders, they find the most pivotal clues lie in Emil’s memories—suppressed for seven years, but now threatening to consume him.

--I don't like the repetition of "At first" so I'd say pick which paragraph you want to use that for, or not use it all, or find a different phrase or word.

But this is a really great query - I'm wondering if I should re-do mine a bit (just tiny bits here and there)

I sent out 12, and each day i've gotten 1 rejection from an agent (now I have 4 rejections, fortunately but unfortunately all of them aren't on the top of my list) and I mean I know I should wait to hear from the rest (if I do) to see if any requests a partial or full, but I'm already having so many doubts and yeah. This is such a stressful process!

It's a REALLY stressful, difficult business, but I'd say wait for some more feedback. Also, remember that your pages are just as important as the letter, and that there are a LOT of agents out there.

I remember before I did any research on how to publish a book, I thought that there were only a select few agencies in the states. I literally had no idea how many existed. It's just weird because all of the rejections I've gotten are the ones that I didn't include a five or ten page sampler for - I'm still waiting to hear back from the people that I gave sample pages

pg, you might want to post your first pages in SYW as well. I wouldn't worry too much about your query, though. I have a few slush intern friends and they've told me that unless the query is really terrible, which yours isn't, they'll take a peak at the sample pages. I was also sent an MS to read by (Awesome)BossAgent a few days ago and while the query wasn't very good, the pages were amazing. So she obviously didn't give up on the book after the query, considering she requested the full. Anyway, maybe get your sample pages critiqued if you haven't already, be patient, and as Tally said, there a plenty of agents out there and this is a tough business. You'll get there. Also, good luck!

Tally, are you sharpening your query up for WOC, too? I wantz the attention of the ninja agents. I critiqued yours below, but just remember that I suck at queries. I don't pretend to know what I'm doing when it comes to critting them, either.

When Emil Aleric was saved from Wonderland seven years ago, the same night he watched his sister die, he wanted nothing more than to forget the torture, and his captor, a man calling himself the Hatter and claiming to have come from the future, along with it. This sentence goes on way too long. You're selling a thriller, so be sure to make the lines shorter, sharper and bring out the tension in the book. You have a pretty awesome concept here; show it off a little more. Make it clearer. My eye just kind of glazes over the long sentence. A first line I like in a query for a now published book: "[person] was ten when she first killed to protect [place I don't remember]." Short, punchy, and it makes you want more. But when in 1882, when a serial killer ravages London and leaves only notes quoting Alice in Wonderland, Emil knows his former abductor has returned. And when his guardian, Inspector Corwin James, is put in charge of the case, he’s sure it isn’t a? (maybe?) mere coincidence.

At first, Emil tries to ignore the evidence. But then his best friend falls victim to the madman, and everything changes (cliche. Boring. Hint at how everything changes in this line, don't just tell us). Emil was always sure, deep down, that when the time came he wouldn’t be able to hide; but now, he isn’t sure he wants to. (you say "sure" twice in the same sentence)

Corwin's adamant that Emil stay away from the case, but However, as the two come closer to learning the truth of the murders, they find the most pivotal clues lie in Emil’s memories—suppressed for seven years, but now threatening to consume him.

Emil never really believed that the Hatter had come back from the future. But now that Emil must fight the man again, he realizes he might have to (this is redundant. Of course the Hatter has come back. Isn't he the one killing these people? This is what the query leads me to believe, at least)—or else time itself could end. (What? I don't understand, and you're suddenly introducing a sci-fi element here, even when the rest of the query sounded like a straight up thriller)

MAD AS A HATTER is a YA paranormal thriller complete at 51,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.

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I will definitely get them critiqued in SYW once I start getting rejections from the people I sent a query with the sample pages! I think I'm pretty stupid that I sent any queries without them ugh **facepalm**

All right, thanks!

So, earlier today MR tweeted that it's become more cliche for a character not to believe it happily ever afters thanto believe in them. A few hours later, I've turned out this SNI. Make of that what you will.

Harmony Starr may have seen more deaths than days, but she has always believed in happily ever afters.

When she was 6 years old and her parents died in a fire, she realized that she wasn't the princess in her story. That was okay, though- all that meant was that she'd be stuck in the Fell, the large caverns where orphaned children are sent to mine the crystalized dragon fire only they can see, while she waited for her prince.

Her prince comes for her when she is sixteen- but he's trapped in the body of a moody teenage girl, with a kingdom to avenge and an uncle bent on killing him.

Marin has spent his entire life asking people not to call him Princess Marina, but Harmony is the first person who's ever actually done it. As the prince without his kingdom and the girl who still believes in fairy tales slowly discover the truth behind the tragedy that buried Marin's kingdom and the true reason dragon breath is so coveted, one thing becomes clear:

This isn't the beginning of a fairytale.

It's the beginning of the opposite.

ONCE UPON A NEVER is a YA fantasy, complete at 76,000 words.

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OMG TALLY.

THAT

IS

AWESOME.

And not just because it was inspired by my tweet. Brilliant and refreshing--lemme read it when it's done!

Thanks! I'm sooooooo excited to write it- I'm gonna start worldbuilding as soon as I get home.

But first, DAIRY QUEEN.

I JUST ENTERED THAT NA PITCH CONTEST THING THAT YOU LINKED TALLY.

EVERYONE CROSS YOUR FINGERS FOR ME THAT I AM ONE OF THE WINNERS!

edit: if you can't tell already, I am sort of freaking out right now. LOL

Best of luck, pg!

It's 3am and I have to complete this job before I can go to sleep. The ups and downs of self-employment.

Parametric said:

Best of luck, pg!

It's 3am and I have to complete this job before I can go to sleep. The ups and downs of self-employment.

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thank you!!!!

and ugh, that reminds me of my work ethic at college. I get a lot done, and then I think "okay, I only have this one course hw to do..." and then it's 3 am and I'm like, shit, I haven't started it yet.

so. bad.

So much is going on in my crappy life that I've started to write a journal. I need to get my feelings somewhere instead of bottled up inside me.

Aw, Taylor *hugs*

Morning Everyone!

Afternoon Ally! How's it going?

Hey guys! How's everyone doing?

Okay, here's my edited query:

When Emil Aleric was saved from Wonderland seven years ago, the night he watched his sister die, he wanted nothing more than to forget. Forget the torture, forget his sister’s screams, and most especially, forget their captor, a man calling himself the Hatter and claiming to come from the future. But when 1882 arrives with a serial killer ravaging London, and leaving notes quoting Alice in Wonderland wherever he goes, Emil knows his former abductor has returned. And when his guardian, Inspector Corwin James, is put in charge of the case, something tells Emil it isn’t mere coincidence.

At first, Emil tries to ignore the evidence. But then his best friend falls victim to the madman. Emil always knew, deep down, that when the time came he wouldn’t be able to hide; but now, he isn’t sure he wants to.

Corwin's adamant that Emil can have nothing to do with the case; after all, he’s only fourteen. However, as they come closer to learning the truth of the murders, they find the most pivotal clues lie in Emil’s memories—suppressed for seven years, but now threatening to consume him.

Emil never really believed that the Hatter had come back in time. But as Emil prepares to fight the man, he realizes believing might just be the key—or else, time itself could end.

MAD AS A HATTER is a YA paranormal thriller complete at 51,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.

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hey Para, I'm good. How are you?!