Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 1

In re: happy endings. I can't do them. The best I can manage is open endings with enough optimism that the reader can take them to the happy place if they wish. My best friend calls this my "f**k your happy ending and like it" mentality. If nothing else, her assessment makes me laugh. I don't do particularly sad endings, either. It's that optimism thing again. I believe things can always get better and that there are ways out of difficult situations, even if those ways might be equally difficult. So far, the reader response has been good, but I haven't reached the point where my MS is ready to be submitted, so I don't have a final verdict.

Ophelia said:

Good morning, fellow writers,

As I said in my last post I had paid for an editorial assessment through a UK company (Writer's Workshop) of my recently completed first novel. The report has finally been returned. I thought I would share a few salient points with you.

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And thank you very much for that--I got quite a bit out of it (recognized myself a few too many places ).

Excuse me, I need to go and BIC.....

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Another excellent piece of advice. I think I'll go do the BIC thing now, too.

At the risk of changing to subject (again)...

What is the current thinking on the use of contractions? I couldn't, I won't, you can't, he didn't - that sort of thing. Obviously it's fine in dialogue, but is it okay in the body of the text?

Hi there,

I needed a mental break from my writing so I came here. In reply to the question about contractions, this link may help to answer your question.
http://rmjacobsen.squarespace.com/articles/2006/1/4/contractions-and-how-not-to-abuse-em.html

Personally though, I think it depends on the period in which you are writing your story. Or even the story type. Will it fit? Just make sure it's consistent throughout the story.

Sure, if that's the feel you need for the story. I personally think that the best fiction has a relaxed feel. Even in the points of high tension narration shouldn't feel forced. But mix it up some. Of course, if you are writing in first person then you are conveying how the MC talks and thinks, so use what you know about your character as your guide.
But it may be less appropriate in third person, again, use your judgement. Realize that everyone, no matter how proper they are, uses contractions at some time or other.
That's my two cents.

Thanks

smsarber said:

Sure, if that's the feel you need for the story. I personally think that the best fiction has a relaxed feel. Even in the points of high tension narration shouldn't feel forced. But mix it up some. Of course, if you are writing in first person then you are conveying how the MC talks and thinks, so use what you know about your character as your guide.
But it may be less appropriate in third person, again, use your judgement. Realize that everyone, no matter how proper they are, uses contractions at some time or other.
That's my two cents.

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Thanks, Steven. That was helpful. My book is in first person, so it's a no-brainer, I suppose.

euclid said:

What is the current thinking on the use of contractions? I couldn't, I won't, you can't, he didn't - that sort of thing. Obviously it's fine in dialogue, but is it okay in the body of the text?

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Of course. This is something I've been meaning to take up with Uncle Jim, actually. I have a deep suspicion of any suggestion to force "correct" grammar or style onto today's fictional narratives (I think Jim has been stopping just shy of this suggestion, but he's still coming a little too close for my comfort).

Here's why.

Fiction today, especially genre fiction, employs what's known as tight, limited third-person narration, or "deep penetration" (into the mind of the POV character). What we've done is to eliminate much of the distance in narration, so that even in third-person, we are immediately within the character's head and hearing his thoughts, and the narrative takes on the tone of his voice.

Of course there is still some distance. More than in first-person, anyway. But I think it's probably a good thing to eliminate it where you can, when it makes sense.

Fiction has diverged into this territory ever since the advent of movie-making. There's a reason for this: Film today can show almost everything in a story more easily than we can with fiction--except thought. Today, I think a lot of why people read fiction is so that they can get into characters' heads. They want your narrative to move in tighter, they want another person's perceptions, and yes, voice.

euclid said:

What is the current thinking on the use of contractions?

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I love contraptions! http://fantasticcontraption.com/

is it okay in the body of the text?

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The way to answer this (and nearly all questions of "is this stylistic choice okay") is to consider the effects of each choice, and pick the choice that creates the effects you want.

One big effect of contractions is to make the text seem less formal. So if you want a less formal text, use contractions to help with that. If you want the text to be more formal, avoid contractions.

Dale

Contraptions

Dale Emery said:

I love contraptions! http://fantasticcontraption.com/

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I have a collection of WORDS for contraptions, gizmos, thingammejigs, etc. I love those words.

euclid said:

What is the current thinking on the use of contractions? I couldn't, I won't, you can't, he didn't - that sort of thing. Obviously it's fine in dialogue, but is it okay in the body of the text?

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Of course.

It's fine no matter who your characters are, no matter when or where your story is set, and no matter what the tone of your story is.

The only time it might seem off is if the characters are speaking very formally in dialogue--in that case, you want to raise the formality level of the narrative to match the dialogue.

If you're doing this:

"The torches cast ripples of light onto the Pharaoh's magnificent throne. 'O, son of Ra," the priests intoned. 'O falcon of Horus. Hear the pleas of your most humble subjects.'"

then going on with

"Kerem couldn't see the Pharoah's face from where he stood" might seem a bit off--"Kerem could not see the Pharaoh's face from where he stood" might be more in keeping.

Contraptions

Dale Emery said:

I love contraptions! http://fantasticcontraption.com/

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Bl**dy H*ll, Dale. What are you trying to do to me? I just wasted 45 minutes with those amazing contraptions. Addictive nonsense.

Dale Emery said:

I love contraptions! http://fantasticcontraption.com/

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Oh my god. You've just ruined my life...

euclid said:

Bl**dy H*ll, Dale. What are you trying to do to me? I just wasted 45 minutes with those amazing contraptions. Addictive nonsense.

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Everybody I send that link to ends up swearing at me, and for the same reason. And that's why I don't send them this link: http://woodgears.ca/eyeball/index.html

Dale

Dale Emery said:

Everybody I send that link to ends up swearing at me, and for the same reason. And that's why I don't send them this link: http://woodgears.ca/eyeball/index.html

Dale

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I hate you.

I want more!

Dale is evil. Pure evil, I tell you.

As far as contractions go, I'd say, "Don't do it," but then I'd be a hypocrite, wouldn't I?

Seriously, this is one case where reading out loud helps. If it sounds pretentious, it probably is. I sometimes also do not use contractions when I want to emphasize a point, as in this case.

But usually the ones I use in my writing are ones I use in my speech.

I'm starting to wonder what's at the other end of those links...

Dale

Why don't you...

Dale Emery said:

I'm starting to wonder what's at the other end of those links...

Dale

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...take a look?

Hi there everyone,

If anybody can answer or just give me your opinion I would appreciate it. Silly question really but, if you saw the bolded word "Hazel eyes met light gray from across the room. Both were twitterpated by the sight of the other." What would you think? Too childish, too teenage, too something else, wouldn't think anything about it, throw the story somewhere to help roast the marshmallows. . .

Calliopenjo said:

Hi there everyone,

If anybody can answer or just give me your opinion I would appreciate it. Silly question really but, if you saw the bolded word "Hazel eyes met light gray from across the room. Both were twitterpated by the sight of the either." What would you think? Too childish, too teenage, too something else, wouldn't think anything about it, throw the story somewhere to help roast the marshmallows. . .

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"the other" is what you meant there, I think. Feel free to correct me. As for "twitterpated", sounds like their heads' twitching a lot... I wouldn't go there. A bit childish, unless that's the perspective.

Calliopenjo said:

if you saw the bolded word "Hazel eyes met light gray from across the room. Both were twitterpated by the sight of the either." What would you think?

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Twitterpated sounds to me like an ongoing state (You twitterpate!) rather than a reaction. If I were told someone was twitterpated I'd assume they were always like that.
It's an unusual dialect word, but whether it would toss me out of the story would depend on what level of dialect had been established for the setting and characters.

Secondarily, you could probably cut 'from', or even 'from across the room' if you'd already established where they were. And 'either' is perhaps a typo for 'other'?
Tertiarily, there are people who are such utter literalists that they will not accept any use of 'eyes' meaning 'gaze', and will insist that such a sentence must be interpreted as the eyes squiggling out of the sockets, running across the room and squishing against each other. The same people have trouble with a character 'tossing her head' and insist that it can only mean the character picked her head up in her hands and volleyed it against the wall. So you want to decide whether you need to guard against that sort of reading.
-Barbara (who knows you didn't ask about the rest of it, and apologises)

I had never heard the word before, so it would have nat least prompted me to go get my dictionary (which my brother borrowed before he went to basic training and never returned). So at least it would accomplish making me broaden my horizons.

To answer your question, the word fits if you believe your intended audience would understand it and not find it sticking out like a sore thumb. Basically, don't use an unusual word because you think it's fabulous if it's the only word of that type in your story.

Having said that, here's my experience with it:

I had no idea what the word meant so I went to Meriam-Webster Online. It had no clue either. So that left me with the following: two pairs of eyes saw each other and [something undefined happened].

I then did a plain Google search and came up with an Urban Dictionary definition:

1. twitterpated
1)to be completely enamored with someone/something.
2) the flighty exciting feeling you get when you think about/see the object of your affection.
3) romantically excited (i.e.: aroused)
4) the ever increasing acceleration of heartbeat and body temperature as a result of being engulfed amidst the exhilaration and joy of being/having a romantic entity in someone's life.

Armed with that knowledge, I have to ask: How can two pairs of eyes feel any of the above emotions?

Yes, I do belong to the clan who likes to keep eyes firmly attached to their respective sockets.

I believe the word would be "metaphorical". Eyes can't feel emotion, but days can't drag, the sun can't rise, etc...

Oh, come on... twitterpated is from Bambi. You guys never saw it?

I hear the question and therefore respond. That particular sentence was constructed on the spot. Chances are high that sentence will not appear at all in my story, to me it sounds too much like Harlequin romance line. Anyway, what I was after was the word itself and only wrote the sentence in the hopes of all of you better understanding the word. Now that it has been pointed out to me, I promise not to use that line. (Making a note now.)

Sometimes I get words or phrases in my head so strong it's almost a need. For example, I had a need for the longest time to write the line "On a lonely hill there sat a house." While it sounds nice it doesn't work. I spent three days critiquing other people's stories in an attempt not to write that line. Success is noted.

I've worked my way to twitterpated. You can thank Disney for that word.