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If the narrator is telling a story to a specific person would he/she tell it using the second person pronoun?
For instance, I have parts of my current project where the storyteller is telling a story to his wife, about different events in their past at her prompting him with photos and other memory triggers. The man, pretty much has a photographic memory, so his telling is always detailed.
Each of these memory strolls will be their own chapter, but I am having issues with how to write them. Normally, if I tell a story that involves the person I am telling it to, I would use the second person to reference him/her.
I just don't want to upset readers by using second person, though it wouldn't sound natural for him to refer to his wife in the third person.
For example:
The bold sections don't seem natural. He would tell this story to his wife. A woman who lived the experience as well. It screams to me that it should be more like this:
For instance, I have parts of my current project where the storyteller is telling a story to his wife, about different events in their past at her prompting him with photos and other memory triggers. The man, pretty much has a photographic memory, so his telling is always detailed.
Each of these memory strolls will be their own chapter, but I am having issues with how to write them. Normally, if I tell a story that involves the person I am telling it to, I would use the second person to reference him/her.
I just don't want to upset readers by using second person, though it wouldn't sound natural for him to refer to his wife in the third person.
For example:
“Save my son!”
My focus shifted briefly toward the hysterical screams. Part of me wanted to scream back, had she not tethered her dog to the stroller the boy would not need saving. Instead, I stepped into the creek, and peered into the stroller. Still fastened in was a boy I guessed a little over a year. His brown hair wet from the creek water, and his face barely above the surface. Thankfully, it was the dry season so the creek wasn’t overly full. More a trickle as it ran under the bridge.
The bold sections don't seem natural. He would tell this story to his wife. A woman who lived the experience as well. It screams to me that it should be more like this:
“Save my son!”
My focus shifted briefly toward your hysterical screams. Part of me wanted to scream back, had you not tethered Teddy to the stroller Jamie would not need saving. Instead, I stepped into the creek, and peered into the stroller. Still fastened in was Jamie, just over a year at the time. His brown hair wet from the creek water, and his face barely above the surface. Thankfully, it was the dry season so the creek wasn’t overly full. More a trickle as it ran under the bridge.
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