Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 1

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euclid

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I wonder:

How many active AW members there are.
How much this number has grown recently.
What's the average time since join date.
What's the average no of posts.
How many AWers have joined as aspiring authors and gone on to success.
How many have participated in this thread.
How many of those have gone on to publishing success.
How many AWers are published authors.
The geographical distribution of AWers.
How many don't have English as their native language.
A breakdown by genre would be nice.
And lots more questions which I suppose will never be answered.
 

Calliopenjo

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Uncle Jim,

First of all, I enjoyed the poem. Without analyzing the structure it tells a good story. I read through to the end where the author explained his intent when he wrote it. I read it just before getting ready to go to bed so I had the poem and Holmes' explanation still lingering up there as I brushed my teeth. It was nice.

Stupid question time. Is there such a thing as a soft smooth voice in describing a someone in a story. Ex: "Hi honey." She said in a soft smooth voice. "Could I come in please?"

I ask because I've read stories that voice qualities are used in describing someone. So I'm thinking this is normal.

Opinion?
 

smsarber

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Some of that can be found by scrolling down to the bottom of the home page. It has # of posts, current active users online, most ever online at once, plus birthdays. More info can surely be found out by PM-ing MacAllister (Runs the Joint), or some of the Mod Squad. Or just make up statistics like I do;)
 

smsarber

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"Smooth soft voice" would describe the quality of her voice, and that could possibly give us insight into her as a person, depending on the situation. But in my opinion it just describes her voice.
 

James D. Macdonald

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I ask because I've read stories that voice qualities are used in describing someone. So I'm thinking this is normal.

Opinion?

I'd decide if the more important quality of the voice is smooth, or if the more important quality is soft, and use just one adjective.
 

motormind

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"Smooth soft voice" would describe the quality of her voice, and that could possibly give us insight into her as a person, depending on the situation. But in my opinion it just describes her voice.

Somebody can have a smooth voice, but talks softly.
 

Neversage

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I, too was very guilty of this. I was somehow laboring under the delusion that it was better to have more description for each thing, so I would use two adjectives for every noun.

Today, I use them one at a time, or none if there's no need. If I really feel a need to get two in there, I'll use one the first time, and another the second time, or find another way to convey that quality (show vs tell).
 

Eric San Juan

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Absolutely. Sometimes stacked adjectives in a certain passage will complement the rhythm of your sentences. Most of the time, no, avoid, but if it's what's needed ...

The trick isn't knowing the rules, it's knowing the rules and when to break them.
 

Calliopenjo

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We need a venting forum. A please to yell and scream without meaning anything which has nothing to do with the following.

Anyway, thanks guys for your opinions. The old descriptions was getting just that. . . Old. So in trying to achieve the same thing I thought I'd try the soft smooth voice description. I try not to treat my audience like idiots, but I always think there's one person out there that will ask "Well, how did she say that? How could she ask that? You didn't describe the voice. How was I supposed to know?" Yadda yadda yadda. And that's the only comment you get. The sort of reader that you feel needs a detailed map or the declaration on the front cover: Use your imagination.
 
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Blue Sky

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How about showing the character in a scene which highlights her soft-spoken way? We've all known soft-spoken people, so we-the-readers will fill in the blanks with our experience of such.

I love how dialog brings life to writing. I first experimented with using "said" exclusively and cutting away all adverbs after reading "Lessons From a Lifetime of Writing," by David Morrell. It wasn't easy. I too was hooked on adverbs.

What a revelation! My dialog popped as attention focused on the actual speech--there wasn't much else to look at.

Also, character actions join dialog while conveying the adverbial flavor.

Btw: There are other places on absolutewrite where one can vent.
 

Ken Schneider

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How about showing the character in a scene which highlights her soft-spoken way? We've all known soft-spoken people, so we-the-readers will fill in the blanks with our experience of such.

I love how dialog brings life to writing. I first experimented with using "said" exclusively and cutting away all adverbs after reading "Lessons From a Lifetime of Writing," by David Morrell. It wasn't easy. I too was hooked on adverbs.

What a revelation! My dialog popped as attention focused on the actual speech--there wasn't much else to look at.

Also, character actions join dialog while conveying the adverbial flavor.

Btw: There are other places on absolutewrite where one can vent.


I use said, and that's about it. And, damned few of those if I can keep the character distinguished from each other.
Too many, He scoffed, grated, blurted out, is amaturish IMO.
 

Calliopenjo

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Thanks Blue Sky. I tend to use Uncle Jim's a lot and it feels like home here. But. . . I know there's a grammar discussion, beta search, information search, SYW, Non-Paying markets discussion, I haven't found the venting discussion yet. Now that you told me about it though I shall hunt for it. (Tah dahdahdah dahdah! Charge!) Picture white knight holding sword here.

The both of you reminded me of something I should have known. Show it in dialog. I just have to find a way of working around the fact that she's talking to the MC through a crack in the door.

Have a good weekend! Crawling back into corner now.
 

Blue Sky

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smsarber: Thanks. Yes, I'm sure I saw it in Office Party a few days ago, but I didn't investigate.

I add my congratulations to your "dryness." One friend of mine in particular stuck to the same decision. Eleven years later, his life has blossomed beyond anything he expected before.
 

Blue Sky

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Calliopenjo: Ken and I may have caught your attention, but Jim showed you with an example. I can feel her close to the door, as when I've spoken like that.

When I write dialog, I pay attention to how my body feels, thoughts that stir. Then I know I'm sharing honestly, like Stephen King says in his book. If I feel nothing, I know to revise or--

[Phil's hands move to sword hilt.]

PHIL

Aai!

[Blur flashes through prose.]

[Pleonasms tumble into digital oblivion.]

[Phil wipes katana and returns it to sheath.]

I know to cut.

Happy sword sharpening in your cozy corner.
 
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James D. Macdonald

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Well, folks, it's time to play First Page again.

Here's the first page from a published novel. The question is: Do you turn the page?


Milburn Observed Through Notalgia

One day early in October Frederick Hawthorne, a seventy-year-old lawyer who had lost very little to the years, left his house on Melrose Avenue in Milburn, New York, to walk across town to his offices on Wheat Row, just beside the square. The temperature was a little colder than Milburn expected so early in its autumn, but Ricky wore his winter uniform of tweed topcoat, cashmere muffler and gray, no-nonsense hat. He walked a little briskly down Melrose Avenue to warm up his blood, moving beneath huge oaks and smaller maples already colored heart-wrenching shades of orange and red--another unseasonal touch. He was susceptible to colds, and if the temperature dropped another five degrees, he'd have to drive.

If you do turn the page, here's an assignment for you: Write the second page (250 words).

Write it in one of the following genres, maintaining this author's style:

Romance
Fantasy
Horror
Science Fiction
Mystery
Mainstream
Literary
Erotica
Memoir

Then write another second page in a different genre. That's 500 words, total. Shouldn't take more than hour, even if you only type twenty words a minute and spend ten minutes staring at the ceiling.

If you don't want to turn the page: Rent a movie you've never seen before, and watch it with sound (and subtitles) off. Write an outline of the plot. You aren't allowed to take notes while watching it.
 

Aschenbach

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It's a certain P.S., the finest genre writer, living or dead, IMO.
 
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