Lost Time

buz · Jan 23, 2013

Summary:

No matter what any of us do, we are always missing out on something. So it comes down to priorities and choices.

You have two options.

A) Organize your time better, so that you are spending some small but consistent amount of time on writing--say, an hour a day, before any of your friends are even awake. This way, it may not seem like such a huge drain.

Or

B) Give some things up.

Now the non-summary specifics.

Question said:
I know that if I really apply myself, I can be a prolific writer. At the moment I work in fits and starts, and whenever I try to make myself go above and beyond I find myself pulling back. I've thought about it a bit and I'm now 100% sure that it's because of this unpleasant feeling of anticipation I have... like if I get serious, I'll lose something. Time. Opportunities to enjoy myself in other ways. Something like that. It's interesting that you say this. It's not that you think writing and getting nowhere is time wasted, but that writing period is time wasted. So why do you write? We do things because we expect to get something out of them, so what do you expect to get out of it?

I want to be up to date with current gen console games. I want to watch lots of awesome TV series through to their finales. I want to to sit through all sorts of cool and/or hilarious videos on youtube, and I want to have fun getting to endgame with newly made friends on MMOs. I want to just be around my friends and enjoy it, even if we're not doing anything productive. To make memories. I find this odd. When I think of being with friends and making memories, I think of, say, the time my friend and I got totally lost in Athens, or the time my friend and I got kicked out of Office Depot for playing on the chairs, or the time we bought Sock'em Boppers and had a fight in the parking lot of Toys R Us, or when we showed up way early to a midnight showing of the first Star Wars movie and played charades in the theater to pass the time. Stuff like video games and TV series feel like black holes of experience to me. They're entertaining but meaningless; hardly the stuff of memories. But I think what you're saying is that you want a lot of interaction with your friends--right? And that's certainly nothing to sneeze at. So is your real concern that you're spending so much time alone? Because this, to me, makes more sense, and is much more of a weighty thing to be concerned about.

As time passes, these opportunities go away... or get staler. Games become old, friends change, new trends appear. I want to enjoy them all before they vanish or lose their glamour. There's always something new to enjoy that will sparkle and fade, because that is what happens with everything. I don't know why you would care about missing out on trends--you probably missed Pogs. Do you regret missing Pogs? What about Silly Bands? Tamagotchis? Snood? Beanie Babies? My God, I only just unloaded the last of my damn Beanie Babies a couple years ago. How much of The Sims have you played? When I think about the time I spent playing The Sims I haz a sad. One day I opened it and looked at it and went "...this is really boring. What the hell am I doing?"

I dunno, dude. Again, though, I think this is about you worrying about missing out on shared experiences. Which is fine. But there are always new shared experiences and experiences that you can actually create and share with other people on your own. It's true that there will always be more stuff in the future, but... it'll be different. Yes. And that's what is great about it. And if I'm enjoying things as they come, I can have the old and the new. Then I can remember the old as fond memories. If I'm writing, these things go by, and when I go back to try to watch/play/do things I skipped in the past the experience is sullied (like NES games or movies from the early 2000s -- they're nowhere near as awesome as they would have been!!!). So focus on the present, and then someday it will be old. Boom.

I missed the Harry Potter period, too. I read the books after it was all over and I never got swept up in the whole phonemonon like everyone else did. The magic of waiting alongside the rest of the world was gone, trying to figure it out alongside everyone else... it was over. They were just books. I hate that feeling. Hm. I can't say I get this, but I'm getting that desire for shared experience again...?

At the same time, I know I won't achieve anything worthwhile if I carry on as I am. I don't want to be unremarkable. I can be like the people I admire. Sounds to me like you don't know whether you want to be happy and content or to be memorable yourself...both are perfectly fine goals. And being with friends is certainly not a bad way to live your life, if that's what makes you happy--in fact, I'm pretty sure it's a really good way of doing it. There are grand things to be said about shared experiences that I am too lazy to say, and if that is how you want to live your life, totally go for it. If setting aside an hour or two a day for writing or some other pursuit really makes you feel like you're wasting your life, it may be pertinent to evaluate where your priorities lie.

So how do I stop feeling like every day I spend at the keyboard is such a big loss? Like life -- and the constant stream of timely memories -- is passing me and my computer screen (lol) by, and when I finally take a break I'll just be looking at other people's pictures or watching entertainment that isn't as great as it would have been at the time? I think you need to examine what it is you really want, and whether spending small amounts of time writing would help you achieve both goals. Getting something good often requires some amount of sacrifice. But you do have to determine if that thing is worth the sacrifice for you.

Errr, and just to lighten up the post... this is how I feel whenever I finish a novel:

Hee. Well referenced

KTC · Jan 24, 2013

So, don't write. Get your life back.

LindaJeanne · Jan 24, 2013

I think what some people responding are missing is that (in geek circles at least) being up on the latest (geek related) pop culture IS about social connection. It's about being "in" on the in jokes, being part of the conversation.

That said, my experience is that while it feels crucially important while you're caught up in the middle of it, it really looks far less important when you let yourself view it from the outside. You don't need to be completely in the dark just because you're not part of all the latest trends. I've never played "Portal", but I know why The Cake is a Lie!

The others have all given good advice. It's about priorities, and what matters to you. It's about our time being finite -- none of us can do or be everything we want to do or be -- and we need to choose. So when you discover that more of one thing you want means less of something else that you want, only you can decide what balance between the two (or all one, or all the other) is right for you.

Susan Coffin · Jan 24, 2013

I didn't see this thread until just now, but what a great conversation. Some of these answers floored me with their wisdom.

You create opportunities for yourself, including the life you want to live. If anything does not make you feel good while doing it, perhaps it's not for you. If it is for you, you make choices as to what is more important. If you want to write, sit down and write. If you don't, find something else to do.

DancingMaenid · Jan 24, 2013

Like others have said, it's a matter of prioritizing.

I think you also need to think about why you write. Do you enjoy it? Is it a hobby? Or is publication or having a writing career important to you?

Writing is a hobby for me. But it's something I really love, and it's one of my favorite things to do in my spare time. However, I don't feel too bad about choosing to spend time doing something else. I try to write consistently to keep myself sharp and because I want to get things done. But I'm fine with taking time to keep up with my favorite shows, as well. That said, I'm also a pretty introverted person, and solitary pursuits like writing are relaxing.

Regardless of whether writing is a hobby or a job for you, it comes down to balance. Even though writing is a hobby for me, I still need to make choices about how I spend my time on a given day.

What is it about writing that makes it feel like a waste to you? The time spent alone?

Jamesaritchie · Jan 24, 2013

I guess I'm just a philistine, but screw prioritizing. Prioritizing is for getting things done you don't really want to do.

I'm not big on "happy' versus" meaningful;", either. Each is an individual tings, and if you spend a second doing something because someone else thinks it's meaningful, you've blown it.

I'd much, much rather be on my death bed remembering a happy life than a "meaningful" one. I'm not against doing meaningful things, but unless doing them makes you really, really happy, you need to find some other meaningful thing to do, or go back to something that does make you happy, whether it's watching TV, or hanging out with friends.

Lost time is time spent doing anything you don't want to be doing, and a wasted life is one spent trying to be meaningful when you could have been happy. You're life is wasted only if YOU aren't satisfied with it, only if YOU aren't happy. Better a happy life watching TV, reading books, and spending time with friends than an unhappy life being a prolific writer.

Rhoda Nightingale · Jan 24, 2013

I thought this thread was going to be about something very different--like not having enough time to write or something.

I'm honestly stumped as to why this is a problem for you. I'm up to my eyeballs in fandom--have been since high school--and never found it got in the way of writing. I bring my notebook to movie premieres, so I have something to scribble on while those stupid trivia questions are playing. I don't have my own game console because I'm too dyslexic to handle anything with more buttons than a Super Nintendo from 1980-whatever, but I've been to plenty of game nights--still manage to write when I go home. I watched LOST every single Tuesday with my Dad, and liveblogged with a friend during the finale when I couldn't go be with Dad. Opened another window and got my words in during the commercials.

I manage to spend time with people who aren't into that stuff as well--coffee shop meetups, fiction readings, store openings, whatever. Again, I bring my notebook, in case there's a traffic jam on the way there; or during the actual meetup itself, when the other person goes to the bathroom and I get bored waiting for them to come back.

None of these things excludes the others. Like previous posters have said, it's all about priorities.

heza · Jan 24, 2013

Jamesaritchie said:
I'm not big on "happy' versus" meaningful;", either. Each is an individual tings, and if you spend a second doing something because someone else thinks it's meaningful, you've blown it.

...a wasted life is one spent trying to be meaningful when you could have been happy.

Yup. I'll let all of history's great philanthropists and every scientist, doctor, philosopher, and humanitarian who ever did hard work to make this world a better place know that their lives were a complete and utter waste just because they happened to be meaningful and gave them personal satisfaction.

Jamesaritchie · Jan 24, 2013

heza said:
Yup. I'll let all of history's great philanthropists and every scientist, doctor, philosopher, and humanitarian who ever did hard work to make this world a better place know that their lives were a complete and utter waste just because they happened to be meaningful and gave them personal satisfaction.

Nonsense. I'd be willing to bet that all those types you mention LOVED every minute of what they were doing, or they wouldn't have been doing it. Even you say ""personal satisfaction".

Read closer. I never said no one should do meaningful things, I said they should spent their time doing things they love, and they should. Only a damned fool goes around doing meaningful things just because they're meaningful".

A good life is a life where you spend your time doing whatever it is you most love doing, not one where you set priorities just so you can do "meaningful" things that you aren't enjoying.

I'm all for hard work, but doing hard work you don't enjoy is foolishness. We all have to do things to pay the bills, but we shouldn't compound this by doing things in our spare time that are as unpleasant as the nine to five job we hate.

There's nothing wrong with doing meaningful things, if you enjoy doing them. But there's nothing wrong with sitting around reading books, talking to friends, and watching TV, either. Do what you love, or you will lead a wasted life.

heza · Jan 24, 2013

Jamesaritchie said:
Nonsense. I'd be willing to bet that all those types you mention LOVED every minute of what they were doing, or they wouldn't have been doing it. Even you say ""personal satisfaction".

I think you're arguing without having bothered to read the article. You're making up your own definitions for the words Happy and Meaningful and arguing based on those rather than the definitions the article used. That makes arguing with it pretty pointless.

I don't know how a task can be meaningful to someone without also giving him a sense of satisfaction. One leads to the other. If it wasn't satisfying in any way, then it wouldn't have been meaningful for that person. And if someone is doing something because they find it meaningful, that's a good reason to do it. I define a "meaningful" thing as a thing that gives your life meaning, from your own perspective, and that meaning, in turn gives you a personal sense of satisfaction. I don't understand how you're defining it.

A good life is a life where you spend your time doing whatever it is you most love doing, not one where you set priorities just so you can do "meaningful" things that you aren't enjoying.

Why would anyone prioritize so they could do useless tasks that don't benefit the quality of their own lives in some way? (And why would you think that was the main point of my post?) That's not what I implied at all. That's not what the article implies. Living a meaningful life might be raising your children, it might be writing your books, it might be doing cancer research, it might be running a soup kitchen, it might be lending an ear to a friend who's having a rough time... it's definitely NOT going out and digging a ditch no one is going to use, "just because it's meaningful."

There's nothing wrong with doing meaningful things, if you enjoy doing them. But there's nothing wrong with sitting around reading books, talking to friends, and watching TV, either. Do what you love, or you will lead a wasted life.

I would amend your statement to "There's nothing wrong with doing meaningful things if they give you a sense of satisfaction." Not everything meaningful will be purely enjoyable, but for some people, even hard work is satisfying if it has meaning for them. Spending time with friends can also be meaningful. Being the kind of friend who is only in the relationship to be entertained, on the other hand, maybe not so much. That's the difference I was indicating between "happy" (i.e., entertaining for the moment) and "meaningful" (i.e., satisfying in a bigger way).

The OP should do something that provides personal satisfaction and meaning to them, whatever that is. That's all I was saying.

butterfly · Jan 24, 2013

I know that if I really apply myself, I can be a prolific writer. Do you really know this or do you hope this is what would happen? At the moment I work in fits and starts, and whenever I try to make myself go above and beyond I find myself pulling back. I've thought about it a bit and I'm now 100% sure that it's because of this unpleasant feeling of anticipation I have... like if I get serious, I'll lose something. Time. Opportunities to enjoy myself in other ways. Something like that. I completely get this. But it isn't that you'll lose time, it's that you don't know if what you write will affect anyone emotionally, putting you at a different level, and your fear is that if it does not, your time will be wasted.

I want to be up to date with current gen console games. I want to watch lots of awesome TV series through to their finales. I want to to sit through all sorts of cool and/or hilarious videos on youtube, and I want to have fun getting to endgame with newly made friends on MMOs. I want to just be around my friends and enjoy it, even if we're not doing anything productive. To make memories. Nothing wrong with this - it is the exuberance of youth, of naivetee, the simple joy of stepping into the world and sharing yourself with your peers, getting to know who you are.

As time passes, these opportunities go away... or get staler. Games become old, friends change, new trends appear. They don't really, what changes is you. You grow. You learn and move on. You mature without your consent. I want to enjoy them all before they vanish or lose their glamour. It's true that there will always be more stuff in the future, but... it'll be different. Yes, it will and many times you will yearn for the days of youth but those will now be your memories, those will bring smiles and tears. And if I'm enjoying things as they come, I can have the old and the new. Then I can remember the old as fond memories. If I'm writing, these things go by, and when I go back to try to watch/play/do things I skipped in the past the experience is sullied (like NES games or movies from the early 2000s -- they're nowhere near as awesome as they would have been!!!). Maybe you're missing what you should be writing about - maybe you should be writing about your life, chronicling your moments to share with those who matter.

I missed the Harry Potter period, too. I read the books after it was all over and I never got swept up in the whole phonemonon like everyone else did. The magic of waiting alongside the rest of the world was gone, trying to figure it out alongside everyone else... it was over. They were just books. I hate that feeling. But did you enjoy the stories? I first watched "Cinderella" on b/w tv when I was a small child. It was a movie musical with real actors. I fell in love with the premise and 50 years later it is still my favorite move. You see, Prince Charming doesn't have to come in the shape of a man, he comes in the shape of what rescues you. That is your destiny.

At the same time, I know I won't achieve anything worthwhile if I carry on as I am. I don't want to be unremarkable. I can be like the people I admire. Yes you will. You are still questioning yourself and your role as a human being. The simple fact that you are is admirable. You never know whose role model you are because even those who don't speak to you watch you. ~ All the world is a stage.

So how do I stop feeling like every day I spend at the keyboard is such a big loss? Tell yourself you're making a memory. One day if you're lucky you'll be old and forget 80% of what you now remember so wouldn't it be wonderful to have it written down so you could remember who you were so many years ago? Like life -- and the constant stream of timely memories -- is passing me and my computer screen (lol) by, and when I finally take a break I'll just be looking at other people's pictures or watching entertainment that isn't as great as it would have been at the time? Or so you think ...

Errr, and just to lighten up the post... this is how I feel whenever I finish a novel: But you've finished novels!

Lost Time

buz

edits all posts at least four times

KTC

Stand in the Place Where You Live

LindaJeanne

On a small world west of wonder

Susan Coffin

Tell it like it Is

DancingMaenid

New kid...seven years ago!

Jamesaritchie

Rhoda Nightingale

Vampire Junkie

heza

Jamesaritchie

heza

butterfly