Ray's House of Love (Volume II)

tjwriter said:

I tend to only tsk repeat performers and share sympathetic looks with others. I also tsk the ones that say, "Now Johnny, we don't hit others," and just sit there while little Johnny beats the snot out of some kid.

Click to expand...

Yeah, I'm the same way. It's great you can speak calmly and keep your head when your kid is acting like a brat, but when he is hurting someone else or someone's property, you dang sure better stop it. As far as the fits, as long as the parent isn't giving in to it, the parent gets nothing but sympathetic looks and encouraging smiles from me.

Maryn said:

Oh, I only raised perfect children. (The memory does get selective!) I'm with TJwriter--I don't even want to comment on a child who's having a melt-down, is a grouch, whines, or is disobedient, because I've been the parent of such a child. Every parent has.

What I do want to comment on (but don't) is the parent who makes empty threats, so there is no consequence for bad actions despite warnings, especially about behaviors that annoy or hurt others.

What I actually do, on occasion, is remark on first-rate parenting in a semi-difficult situation when I happen to see it and the opportunity to praise presents itself. Every frustrated mom or dad deserves a pat on the back for ignoring the pleas or temper tantrum and reminds the kid they're not buying candy or a toy, then goes about their business (or, in a nice restaurant or similar setting, takes the child outside to simmer down).

Maryn, perfect parent (ha!)

Click to expand...

You know when it's really hard to hold your tongue, when the kid is related to you. Oh, it drives me nuts. And the mom makes excuse after excuse for her little angel. I just wonder what excuses she'll come up with when this little girl is 16 instead of 4.

My husband's aunt raised three kids with no discipline in their lives whatsoever. I babysat them for awhile and finally gave up because I had no tools in my arsenal to make them behave.

Now they act like little snots most of the time and have attitude problems, and they've nearly reached the point where they are grown.

Grrarrgh said:

And, yes, I've already been told what I can do with my what-do-I-know-since-I-don't-have-kids opinion. By that same brother, obviously. But I stand by them.

Click to expand...

This was not my intent nor was it my message. I just suggested to hold back and reserve judgement if it is a quick observation. The examples cited above are cases where the parental control is easy to read.

And I always have my kids under control when I try on stilettos.

This all brings back memories from my days in married student housing back in grad school days. This was in the 70s when the hippie movement spawned the earth mother mentality of "competition is bad" and "we will never bruise poor Moonbeam's psyche." As in "Now, Moonbeam. It's not nice to hit that poor child on the head with that rock. Come give Momma a hug." I'd give a paycheck to see how Moonbeam turned out.

I get what you are saying Fizz and I assure you it was a joke and (for my part) not aimed at parents in a situation like the one you were in.

I used to teach preschool and more than once had a situation where I would tell the parent when they picked up their child what said child had done that day (hit johnny or whatever) only to hear, "NOt my child," and "he's a perfect angel at home." Yes - YOUR child. And since it was at the church I attended I saw how some of these parents were and their child was NOT an angel at home, I assure you. They were just not disciplined.

NeuroFizz said:

And I always have my kids under control when I try on stilettos.

Click to expand...

I'd give a paycheck to see this...

I bet it would sexy...

Hairy legs. Stilettos.

Actually they just did the Walk a Mile in Her Shoes thing here where men walk in women's shoes to raise awareness about violence against women.

I only have to look out at the faces in my class to see a group in which accepting responsibilty for one's actions is a rarity. I did something in the class that inadvertently turned into a sort of experiment on this very thing. After giving an exam back, I noted that on one of the essay questions, only two of 63 students received more than half of the points, and the vast majority of the class either received no points or one point on the question. I told them that in cases like this, I question myself and assume that I did a crappy job of getting that materials across to them, that it was a failure on my part, not on theirs. I do believe this, by the way. I take a critical look at questions like that and if it looks like I failed them, I throw out the question, which I did in this case. Now, on the first two exams, I had a grand total of two students come in to "challenge" the grading on any of the essay questions (I encourage them to do this). But after my admission and tossing of that one question, I had a flood of students asking about other questions, and all were cases in which the questions were proper and the material clearly and adequately covered--questions where the majority of the better students did well. I suspect that my willingness to accept responsibility for that one question opened the possibility in those students' minds that I would also let them shove off their responsibilties onto me for missing these other questions. I was blown away by the crap they tried to milk for more points, and I said so in a couple of the more extreme cases.

NeuroFizz said:

This was not my intent nor was it my message. I just suggested to hold back and reserve judgement if it is a quick observation. The examples cited above are cases where the parental control is easy to read.

Click to expand...

I was being very facetious. I know you didn't mean it that way. I didn't take it that way at all. I'll admit to being a little sensitive on the topic since my opinions have been thrown into the aforementioned what-do-I-know-since-I-don't-have-kids trash can on many occasions.

But I didn't take it that way from you, Fizz.

I had a teacher who graded on a curve because she figured if no one made 100% it was her fault. BUt most of the time the curve was pretty high, since she had high expectations. Once I set the curve at 103 (extra credit points.)

Oh yeah, back to the kiddos...when I was in college the college bible study leaders had a son who was 2 when I started and 4 when I 'graduated'. the mom told me once she was amazed at how many people presumed to tell her how to parent. Especially strangers who didn't even know her or her son. I decided from that not to do that, even after I took child development. But it is hard sometimes. Especially when it is someone you care about.

sassandgroove said:

I had a teacher who graded on a curve because she figured if no one made 100% it was her fault. BUt most of the time the curve was pretty high, since she had high expectations. Once I set the curve at 103 (extra credit points.)

Click to expand...

I used to get picked on for setting the curve so high. I "ruined" for everyone by being so smart. I always figured they should have studied more.

One of those wish-it-was-me true stories:

A colleague from my former university had a young student come into his office hours about three quarters of the way through a semester and after a brief discussion she asked him the dreaded question (the one I dread, anyway): "Is there anything I can do to bring my grade up."

He leaned across the desk and said, "Why don't you fucking study!"



I can't tell you how many times I wanted to be that blunt (and to use those very words), but I figured a complaint would be filed.

NeuroFizz said:

One of those wish-it-was-me true stories:

A colleague from my former university had a young student come into his office hours about three quarters of the way through a semester and after a brief discussion she asked him the dreaded question (the one I dread, anyway): "Is there anything I can do to bring my grade up."

He leaned across the desk and said, "Why don't you fucking study!"



I can't tell you how many times I wanted to be that blunt (and to use those very words), but I figured a complaint would be filed.

Click to expand...

That's fantastic. Please tell me she flounced out of his office with her head held high and told anyone who would listen (and probably some who wouldn't) how meeeaaaannnn her professor was and how unfairly he graded.

tjwriter said:

I used to get picked on for setting the curve so high. I "ruined" for everyone by being so smart. I always figured they should have studied more.

Click to expand...

me too. I was absent when she announced the 103 curve and caught flack when I came to school the next day. I just shrugged and said they should have studied harder.


Fizz- working at a college now I can appreciate that professor's frustration.

I don't know of the outcome, except that no complaint was filed. That particular professor looked like a Brooklyn street fighter, and although he was a really nice guy, he had a sky-high intimidation factor surrounding him like a force field. And I know he was the most caring of professors to serious students and those who gave a solid effort.

I generally have firm and defined cut-offs for As and Fs, and I curve everything in between. That way, there is no curve-setting by the best scores. Grade jealousy among students is a strange thing, mostly because it comes from individuals who could do better with a little more effort.

I am soooooo glad I didn't have to grade my preshoolers.

Of course, I was that oddball kid that had to show the class in high school how to work a particular type of algebra problem because no one else got it and the substitute didn't either.

I was that kid who knew entirely too much.

Good morning.

In case you are wondering - the dog is eating and eliminating normally now. And she's getting used to the routine of us having to take her out. Just - you know- an update.

Is it werid to be so caught up in my dog?

sassandgroove said:

Is it werid to be so caught up in my dog?

Click to expand...

Nope, not weird at all.

Of course, I've always gotten along better with dogs than people, so I may not be the best gauge of normal.