The Line of the Day--NO CRITTING

Ito

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A dying father's advice for his only daughter.

"These are the most important lessons you will ever learn. Pay close attention, my child, for there is no greater sin than ignorance. I trust in you, my dearest Liu. I trust that you will grow into a wonderful young woman. Everything I have done takes that goal into mind." Her father said. He was also her Sifu, the teacher of ancient martial wisdom. His diminutive form was hunched over by the weight of a lifetime of hard living. His body language sought to exude strength, but his body was already failing him. He had to act fast.
 

lizmonster

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The "they" here is the mafia of my little universe, who is making some efforts to become legitimate:

"They feed off the dying and desperate," she declared. "I am to think better of them because they don't have to hide in the shadows anymore? No, dear boy, they have not changed. And they will not, as long as there is profit to be made."
 

heyjude

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Nice, Ito and Liz!

And just a reminder, since it's been a while: This is a totally fun thread. No critting allowed!
 

onesecondglance

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Another line that sounded nice when I wrote it (still sounds quite nice now), but may or may not fail the "too flowery" test and get marked for death by Big Red. Even if it does go, I hope it may serve some purpose here as an object lesson not to shoot out a glass door in the middle of a thunderstorm.

The glass became a waterfall, a cascade of fragments the wind thrust into the vestibule to attack them like a shroud of stinging flies.
 

Namatu

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My WIP is alternate reality. Some cities are cordoned off from the rest of the country, which is now a supranational entity called the Union (think EU, but bigger and more oppressive).

Cordoned cities complied with enough Union laws to survive, but mass obedience would never come from citizens the government had abandoned. Yet that government was here, in this house, and if Max waited long enough, one of its representatives would walk downstairs and sit across from him at the kitchen table. She'd tell him lies, or be disarmingly honest, implacably reasonable. Max would think of perfectly legitimate reasons to bow out, and he'd ignore each one.
 

Ito

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A new short-story series / blog work in progress.

"It could've been her. Remember that." I said. Empathy should be universal. Unfortunately, it is not.I was forced to remind myself, constantly keeping that thought in the forefront of my mind. If I didn't, I would have ended up like the bigoted, prejudicial police force, only spurred to action when the 'right' victim was selected.
 

Ken Hoss

Storm Rising A Kelli Storm Novel
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Very Orwellian, Namatu. Nice. :D


Wrote this earlier this week. Kelli and Agent Larsen are trying to work out a plan to bust up the Cartel of Miguel Garcia. One problem is that Kelli is on suspension.

Larsen looked down at his monitor, then back at Kelli. “It’s going to take a lot more than just the two of us,” he said, shaking his head.

“Yeah, I kind of figured that. Of course, there is the fact that I’m still on suspension, so I can’t exactly call in the cavalry. And you may still have a mole problem,” she said and took a sip of from her coffee, eyeing him.

He took a deep breath, let it out slowly and shook his head. “In other words, we’re screwed,” he said and looked at her. “Unless you can come up with something. Isn’t there anyone on the NYPD you can trust?”
 

MsDashwood

Getting back to writing...
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Came in to read up on your lines.
Great ones!
You guys are good! And productive. :)
 

Niniva

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Nice ones Ito and Namatu.

Ken, I really hope you are having a better day than Clay is today. Here's his latest line:

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]"He cusses an awful lot for a vessel," Mother Wilson stated drily.

“Damned straight!’ Clay hefted his chair and hurled all fifty pounds of it at Little Jared. Right in the warden’s face, he screamed “I cuss, I f**k, and I fight like a sonovab***h!”

“Then you’re just the man we’re looking for,” Warden Jones replied mildly. “Come inside. It’s obviously time.” The warden held the door open for Clay.




That's the end of part one - where Clay finally snaps. I guess I have to put him back together now. I still can't let Clay have the info dump he wants, but the warden will have to give him something to go on. Of course, the first thing Clay will realize is that it is already too late.
 

Ito

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From the same story as above, but the perspective of a child of evil.

Morality is a manifestation of man, and can easily be disregarded. Civility is not compulsory, and is often an illusion. The true nature of man is far too scary.
 

Ito

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This is from my early lessons for my Japanese M.C.

“So the American Civil War wasn’t about slavery? That why did they fight?” Ito wasn’t prepared to accept Otake-sensei’s revelations.


“Well, it was in a way, but that wasn’t the only reason. For the North, the Union, the institution of slavery was an economic as well as a social concern. The North had begun to industrialize, that is, the economic power was beginning to concentrate in the cities. In the South, the confederate states still relied on free labor to sustain their agricultural base. Despite the North implying that moral considerations pushed them to action, the true determinant of the war’s direction was economic. That’s why the North turned a blind eye to the blacks after Lincoln was assassinated. The military victory was worthless. The blacks in the South won their freedom on paper, while remaining slaves to the system.” Otake-sensei said, solemnly. He seemed embarrassed to have not told Ito sooner.
 

Ken Hoss

Storm Rising A Kelli Storm Novel
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Actually got a little writing in this morning. I was up at 0430, just couldn't get back to sleep. This is the first part of a scene. Kelli, Agent Larsen and another Narcotics Detective have one of Garcia's local dealers/distributors in their "Secure" office.


It was hardly by the book, but she recalled her Father saying once that desperate times called for desperate measures, and this was one of those times. She had wanted Javier to take Hernandez in and book him for possession, but Larsen had overruled her, insisting they bring him to their office.

Larsen had Ramon handcuffed to a chair along the back wall, standing over him, demanding answers. Kelli was waiting for him to break out the gloves and start knocking the man around, trying to beat the information out of him.
 

onesecondglance

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Later this chapter: Sel gets sarcastic. Bad news, bad guys!

As James entered, he heard the receptionist greeting Sel.
"Good afternoon -- hold on, you can't go in there --"
Sel had already called the lift. "I damn well can. I'm the police."
The receptionist made a face like she'd swallowed an egg, then scrabbled to the phone, presumably to warn her employers that they were on the way down.
 

Ken Hoss

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Hot off the presses! Kelli has just told Kevin that she is planning on going in on a drug bust with Larsen and another Narcotics officer.

“I already know that it doesn’t matter what I say, or what your boss says, you’re going to do it anyway,” he said, shaking his head. “Just do me one favor.”

“What’s that?”

“Just make sure you suit up in body armor before you go in.”

She started to laugh, and then caught herself, noting the solemn expression on his face. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“As a heart attack.”
 

onesecondglance

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I like it, Ken.

Things are getting more serious for my 'tecs. As we all know, mexican standoffs are precisely the place for witty repartee.

"If I have to fire this, I'll have a ream of paperwork to fill in and a month of debriefings with the super. And if I have to go through all that, I'm going to make sure I get you right between the eyes. That way, when I'm repeating this story to internal affairs for the fifteenth time, I can take some pleasure in reliving the stupid smirk on your face when you hit the ground."