The "I'm sorry" thread

that's good because the title My Left Foot is already taken.

I'm sorry your audition in Nashville was considered more howling instead of singing, but...

Yeah, it stung, but at least it wasn't apple cider and I went around all day smelling like I had a apple tree up...never mind.

I'm sorry to hear the fire department recalled the hydrant at the end of your block, but...

woof is peeing on the electric fence in the south pature these days anyway--says it has more zing.

i am sorry i stole your identity but...

...things didn't work out so well for me at first, since it turned out you were wanted by the police, the FBI, the CIA and Interpol, and as soon as I presented the ID I was arrested. Fortunately, I've been able to clear things up, and you can expect someone to come knocking at your door very soon.



I'm sorry I convinced you to invest your life savings in that get-rich-quick scheme from Nigeria, but...

the sweepstakes winnings were all counterfit anyway.

i'm sorry i persuaded you to eat the roadkill special down at edna's place last night but...

it was what you deserved for bringing home the redneck who pissed off my front porch and killed the flowers.*

*true story.

I'm sorry I forgot to tell you that your mother called yesterday, but....

the psychic says it is urgent you get in touch w/ her. something about your having screwed up her grandchildren just like she knew you would.

i'm sorry my uncle pearl parked his 1948 minne-moline in your tree belt

ps--so melenka--when did you start dating woof?

But the minne-moline needed to be buried somewhere, and where ye reap there shall you sow. Expect mini-minne-molines about the size of goundhogs in the spring of '09.

I'm sorry you were mistaken for Britany Spears

but the buzz cut looks way better on you than it ever did on her.

I'm sorry my cat shredded your window screen

but the poor thing went blind after glimpsing you nekkid.

i am sorry that i put your driver's lic. photo on fugly.com

But they are paying per hit!

I'm sorry your action figure doll was recalled by the BAFT.

but you shouldn't have programmed it to yell 'I am a bomb!' at the airport.
I'm sorry I sent you to the ape planet

but you're always complaining about not being appreciated, and you'll get a lot of attention there. The apes will provide you with everything you need--food, water, a place to sleep and a pleasant view from a small but comfortable cage.



I'm sorry I left that rhinoceros on your doorstep, but...

your garden will greatly benefit from its sideproducts.
I'm sorry I lost the only copy of your W.I.P.

but then raymond dart lost the taungs baby in the backseat of a london taxi

i'm sorry that i never lost anything in your backseat

but if you did I would probably have taken it to a thrift store.
I'm sorry I let all the circus elephants go in your neighborhood

but at least they stepped on the renegade chickens.

i'm sorry that i planted poison ivy on your outhouse trellis

...but since you've been ignoring the outhouse and using that ditch in the front yard instead, I doubt that you'll be bothered.



I'm sorry I told your neighbors that you are a werewolf, but...

at least you won't be asked to babysit their children anytime soon.

I'm really really sorry about that uranium I dumped in your backyard by mistake...

but it does have a half life of only fifty years so your grandchildren can move back in.
I'm sorry I changed shape in front of the preacher and his wife but

they were taking the bible too literally anyway

i'm sorry that i programmed your i-pod to play nothing but slim whitman songs

but you were the one who downloaded all that emo crap to mine.

I'm sorry I lost your dog but