Fields of Gold - A new beginning

I had my partial rejected.

The agent said my writing was "really lovely" but that the first two chapters might move a little too slowly for readers.

So, after exchanging a few emails with my lovely Beta reader and, at the suggestion of a colleague, I've added a prologue. As the prologue is in the other MC's POV, I have been back through the book and added his POV at various points, just the occasional paragraph here and there.

Here is the prologue.

Prologue

The soldier gazed blankly at the familiar landscape passing beyond the window of the train. The trees were beginning to turn with the first hint of Autumn, flecks of yellow and scarlet that reminded him of an entirely different landscape. He thought of poppies bleeding into barley, gold beneath a late summer sun. He remembered her and the way her hair tumbled all around them as they made love under the stars. His memories had the haziness of a dream and did little to ease the tearing pain in his leg or the terrible thoughts that lurked around the edges. Dreams and memories were all that remained of her because the darkness would soon come to reclaim him.

BAY said:

Firedrake,

Congrats on receiving a personal note from the agent on your style.

To me the agent implied there wasn't enough action. It could also mean the chapters were too long. Either way I don't see how a prologue speeds it up or adds action. Is it possible to blend chapt 1 & 2 together which would hasten the reader to the meat of the story?

I don't know your story well enough to theorize but I sure hope the dead woman in the prologue isn't the MC. Yes, people die in books but not before you get to know them a bit. I wouldn't lead with a prologue if its job is to add action or speed. Just my 2cents.

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i have to say, the personal note softened the blow considerably, she's been in the business a long time, so it meant a lot.

My intention, with the prologue, was to throw in a teaser. To make the reader wonder what would happen later. As for the first two chapters. I've thrown in a little more "romantic" tension between the two MCs. I've also cut out a fair bit of unnecessary chatter and background that, as pdr suggests, quite rightly, was more for my benefit than the readers.

She's not dead.

Mumut said:

I was told not to use prologues. Many people have told me they don't read them. So I scrapped mine and reduced the start to bare necessities. Now the 'action' really gets going after a page and a half of fairly large print. So I dive into things as fast as possible.

If you think you might omit something readers should know, you can insinate these facts somewhere along the way. I had to do that, too. And now I'm published so what I've just told you was probably what got me there. You'll have to be brutal but write a new start separately before you scrap the old one. Make it really lean. Leave it a few days then read it. Ask ourself, would the reader suffer too much to be thrown into the action this early? Is there any damage in what I've done that I can't repair later.

I think you'll be surprised - I hope so, anyway.

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Now that is a good idea. I'll give that a go. Damn, I haven't even finished my first cup of coffee and you've got me thinking.

angeliz2k said:

Personally, I don't mind prologues. It imght even work really well in your case. If your first two chapters were a little slow, then maybe a prologue will create a little suspense for the reader to get them through two chapters. On the other hand, if those two chapters are a little slow, then tacking on a prologue might not be a panacea (sp?). I'm pretty much just reiterating what PDR said.

Have you considered rearranging things? I don't know how your first chapters fall out, but when I was revising my own previous WIP, I had to introduce several characters in the first several chapters. It was few too many chapters, actually. I ended up weeding out some scenes and making one chapter to get each character's story off the ground. It made it all much tighter.

You might want to look over those first two chapters and see if you can cherry-pick the parts that will get your story going right away. Combining the two chapters might work best.

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Between what you've just said and what Mumut said, I think I shall give it a try.

Tepelus said:

Poppies don't bloom in the Autumn. Just so you know.

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I know. He's in Autumn, but he's thinking back to something that happened in the Summer.

Puma said:

I'm sorry, but what you posted as a prologue isn't going to help solve your problem - it's more "really lovely, but slow". I'm one who doesn't like prologues, but if you feel you have to use a prologue it must set the stage for what will follow in the book.

I think instead you need to take a hard look at those first two chapters to see where they might be bogging - I can't remember whether you've posted your chapter 1 in SYW - if not, do. If the consensus in SYW is that the 1st chapter's okay, maybe the best thing would be to try a different agent, but if the consensus is that your chapter does bog, then you'll know what you need to do. Puma

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I'm reluctant to post the first chapter in SYW because it's about 3,000 words and I think it might be a bit too much to ask of you all.

Thank you all for your advice. Ironically, it isn't a problem I have with the second book. I should probably go back and have a look at that and see how I did that.

You're all lovely and you don't hear me say that very often at 6.30 on a Monday morning.

I ran a quick word count, on this latest revision, I did some serious pruning and it weighs in at, around, 2,600. I'll post it when I get home.

Thanks, all!