Bandwidth Camel (+ audio)

Magdalen

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Swarms of grainy images infest eyes
with pestilence (unveiled slits
squint tears, shift winds)

streaming rows of curiously-
bent crescent lines drawn in
sand, slash-blasted dust back to dust –

those entrenched
supplicants (ditched, cut
between posed/framed

jubilant weaponry jabs, brutal flicks,
slaughtered in sects) plague her
dreams and submit
their plea for peace silently.

Rolling beheaded behests buzz
beyond j'hive talk — dread-shattered
views of wretched still-shots display
distorted, captives' blazing agony,

weeping; furtively she saves
savage scenes virtually bereft,
personally bereaved.






4th + edit now ready (or not) for prime-time. Hope you like the title.
 
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Steppe

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Mag - If it means what I think it does, I have been down this road before. But my bandwidth has improved and I only swear a little these days. Hope I've read it right.
 

Magdalen

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Steppe,
Thank you for commenting - take what ever you find in my poems - I always enjoy the chance to view things through your eyes.
 

zanzjan

killin' all teh werds
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Very powerful, and jarring in a way that very much suits the subject-matter.

One reason I don't mind being stuck on dialup internet at home is that some things I just don't see. It's hard enough to read about them, know about them, know they are events entirely outside your control and upon which your personal grief has no bearing.

I know this isn't the crit area, but the only nit I would have is about the breaks in the third stanza, which just feels slightly off the rest, and maybe just a tiny bit too short to me (and as always, I could be completely wrong.)
 
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CassandraW

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Love the title!

I like the breaks, including the bit of irregularity -- it evokes the intermittence of dialup internet.

But then, I often like to break/shake things up a bit in my poems.
 

poetinahat

say it loud
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You have to read this out loud for us, please.

Je suis Magdalen