Internal voice in first person

Debbie F · May 12, 2014

Hi guys, so i'm re-reading a chapter in my WIP before I send it out to my CP and i'm really struggling with this bit. I don't know if I should italicize 'That's odd' or leave it the way it is. I keep picturing my MC actually saying the sentence out loud in her own mind, which is why i'm thinking I should italicize it. OR is there a better way to show this? I don't know if this makes any sense but any help from you guys would be greatly appreciated!

[FONT=&quot]"A gentle breeze sweeps some dead leaves into the house and I notice the small opening of the door. That’s odd. Baba never leaves the house without locking the door.[/FONT]"

guttersquid · May 12, 2014

Some will say to use italics for thoughts, but I never use them. Personal choice. But I don't think they would be necessary in first person.

Or the simple: That's odd, I thought. Baba never leaves the house without locking the door.

Opinions will vary, I'm sure. All I know is, I had no trouble knowing it was the narrator thinking.

Roxxsmom · May 12, 2014

I think it's down to voice, narrative style and depth. There are a bunch of ways a writer could write the same scene, all equally non confusing and all evoking a different feel. I tend to use a technique that doesn't rely on tagging of thoughts, or even make use of italics, but it's a personal decision. I've even read writers who use different techniques for different point of view characters as a means of establishing their voices or personalities.

Once! · May 12, 2014

It's a personal choice but I wouldn't use italics to denote thoughts in a first person narrative. All of the text is about the MC's thoughts, so why should the italicised phrase be any different? You do show the MC having other thoughts, don't you?

For me the phrase "That's odd" was fine. I had more of an issue with "gentle breeze" which came across as a bit of a cliché, "the small opening of the door" which sounded like a cat flap and the repetition of "leaves". But "That's odd" was okay for me.

Roxxsmom · May 13, 2014

Yeah, I don't think it would be needed in first person. It's sometimes used in third person narrative to show first-person, present tense thoughts by the pov character or in omni to differentiate thoughts or observations made by a character from those of the narrator.

Now that I've said that, however, I'm sure I'll run across a published novel where it's done in first. Life has a way of proving me wrong

Bufty · May 13, 2014

If it's First Person the italics would only indicate emphasis because by definition everything is from the narrator's perspective.

In the example you quote the italics are not needed.

But every word needs to be checked to make sure you have written exactly what you meant to say and that it is clear to a reader.

For instance, be careful with a phrase like - That's odd. It can read two ways, as a statement, or a passing or fleeting thought. To me, the first suggested alteration from another poster is one way of clarifying it as a fleeting thought rather than a definitive statement if that was the intent.

Debbie F · May 13, 2014

Thanks for all the great feedback. They were all very helpful. I actually decided not to italicize it because I ended up finding an article on inner dialogue, and it had a lot of good things to say about how to punctuate character's thoughts and what not. The link is: http://theeditorsblog.net/2012/02/28/inner-dialogue-writing-character-thoughts/

Also, just to reply to Once!, I definitely have more work to do on my word choice and overall flow of words, as this is only my first draft so i'm mostly focusing on the story and the pacing, but I'll keep an eye out for the cliches and word repetition once i finish the first draft.

Thanks again guys!

Meg02 · May 20, 2014

Ah I'm glad you asked this, I wonder this sometimes with my own writing.

I decided (personally) that if it was like they were talking to themselves directly, rather than just developing an impression of something then I'd italicize it... If that makes sense?

So yeah, I would have italicized 'that's odd'.

Mr Flibble · May 20, 2014

Roxxsmom said:
Now that I've said that, however, I'm sure I'll run across a published novel where it's done in first. Life has a way of proving me wrong

*cough*

Yeah, I used it in first to denote present tense thoughts as opposed to the past narration. Others don't -- it's a matter of your style.

Jamesaritchie · May 20, 2014

I sell a heck of a lot of first person, and I definitely would use italics for both the last sentences. I might or might not use, I thought" though I probably would because the break there gives the sentences better flow and more meaning. [FONT=&quot]A gentle breeze sweeps some dead leaves into the house and I notice the small opening of the door. That’s odd, I thought, Baba never leaves the house without locking the door.[/FONT]"

There are two reasons for using italics here. One is because it's never wise to take a chance on confusing the reader, or even to have the reader pause for a split second to wonder why the perspective change. If teh reader has to stop and ask, "Did he just switch to what he's actually thinking", you just put up a road sing that says STOP. Italics are free and easy, so why not use them?

The second reason is because many writers don't understand when to use direct thought, or why direct thought is most commonly used. Direct thought should seldom be casual. Casual is what the rest of the narrative is for. Direct thought is best used in a sentence that has strong meaning, that you really want to emphasize, and one of the main grammatical purposes of italics is emphasis.

Italics are the exclamation marks of direct thought. A good rule of thumb is to never use a direct thought sentence that wouldn't work with an exclamation mark at the end, but instead of the exclamation mark, you use italics. The sentences of yours qualify perfectly. The italics tell the reader it's a direct thought, AND that something serious is about to happen.

Debbie F · May 21, 2014

Meg02 said:
Ah I'm glad you asked this, I wonder this sometimes with my own writing.

I decided (personally) that if it was like they were talking to themselves directly, rather than just developing an impression of something then I'd italicize it... If that makes sense?

So yeah, I would have italicized 'that's odd'.

I see what you mean. I guess it all comes down to personal choice because I've read a lot of articles in the past week about this and they all give conflicting opinions.

Jamesaritchie said:
I sell a heck of a lot of first person, and I definitely would use italics for both the last sentences. I might or might not use, I thought" though I probably would because the break there gives the sentences better flow and more meaning. [FONT=&quot]A gentle breeze sweeps some dead leaves into the house and I notice the small opening of the door. That’s odd, I thought, Baba never leaves the house without locking the door.[/FONT]"

There are two reasons for using italics here. One is because it's never wise to take a chance on confusing the reader, or even to have the reader pause for a split second to wonder why the perspective change. If teh reader has to stop and ask, "Did he just switch to what he's actually thinking", you just put up a road sing that says STOP. Italics are free and easy, so why not use them?

The second reason is because many writers don't understand when to use direct thought, or why direct thought is most commonly used. Direct thought should seldom be casual. Casual is what the rest of the narrative is for. Direct thought is best used in a sentence that has strong meaning, that you really want to emphasize, and one of the main grammatical purposes of italics is emphasis.

Italics are the exclamation marks of direct thought. A good rule of thumb is to never use a direct thought sentence that wouldn't work with an exclamation mark at the end, but instead of the exclamation mark, you use italics. The sentences of yours qualify perfectly. The italics tell the reader it's a direct thought, AND that something serious is about to happen.

I thought about including "I thought" but I have this mental rule that I won't use it in my current WIP because for some reason, I always think it's weird to see "I thought" in a work that is first person/present tense. I just feel like it doesn't quite "fit"

Internal voice in first person

Debbie F

Debbie

guttersquid

I agree with Roxxsmom.

Roxxsmom

Beastly Fido

Once!

Still confused by shoelaces

Roxxsmom

Beastly Fido

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

Debbie F

Debbie

Meg02

Mr Flibble

They've been very bad, Mr Flibble

Jamesaritchie

Debbie F

Debbie