Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 1

Try thrift stores too.

No

James D. Macdonald said:

That's the right price range, and dog-eared and in poor shape doesn't matter. No best-sellers either?

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There were only 6-8 books in there. Nothing worth reading.

We don't have "thrift stores" but we do have Charity shops (Oxfam, Shave the Whales, etc.) where decent books sometimes turn up.

Why should we shave the whales?

I hate a hairy whale, don't you?

Not enough to buy all the shaving cream it would take to shave one.

Tonight, in the continuing adventures of William Craig, Whale Shaver, Bill travels to the Arctic Ocean to shave the elusive Minsk Whale. Don't miss this exciting episode!

James D. Macdonald said:

Tonight, in the continuing adventures of William Craig, Whale Shaver, Bill travels to the Arctic Ocean to shave the elusive Minsk Whale. Don't miss this exciting episode!

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True...

Komnena said:

Not enough to buy all the shaving cream it would take to shave one.

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I hadn't thought of that. And there's the Old Spice after-shave, too.

Dog-eared and worn doesn't matter. But a real kick in the shins was when I was in jail (where most of the books were in very poor shape), and I got all the way through a Civil War-era book by the guy who wrote North and South, it was about the Pinkerton Detectives (the first Secret Service), anyway, I got to the end and the last few pages were missing.
Needless to say, I check all used books now for all the pages!

smsarber said:

Dog-eared and worn doesn't matter. But a real kick in the shins was when I was in jail (where most of the books were in very poor shape), and I got all the way through a Civil War-era book by the guy who wrote North and South, it was about the Pinkerton Detectives (the first Secret Service), anyway, I got to the end and the last few pages were missing.
Needless to say, I check all used books now for all the pages!

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There's a great M*A*S*H episode using that premise. They had to track down the author in the states -- from Korea.

Don said:

There's a great M*A*S*H episode using that premise. They had to track down the author in the states -- from Korea.

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Saw it, good episode. I did check it out in the prison library when I got there and finish the book. Can't remember the guy's name...

John Jakes maybe?

YES! Thanks, I was going to look it up after my son got finished on the comp.

James D. Macdonald said:

Go to a used-book store. (This is fun all in itself.) Go to the box where they keep the Really Cheap books. Look through it until you find a book that's labeled as having been a Best Seller or major Award Winner. (Not "by the best-selling author" or "by the award-winning author" -- the book itself has to have won the award or sold the copies.) This should be a book you've never read; preferably one you've never heard of.

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Okay. Found a "magnificent bestseller" from 1988 that I've never heard of, though the author is a familiar name. Also found eight other books I couldn't do without . . .

Buy it. Try not to pay over fifty cents.

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I paid more than fifty cents, but less than two dollars. Still a bargain.

Read the book. Outline it. Chapter by chapter. Keep a list of the characters with a brief description of what each does in the book.

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Are we supposed to read it in its entirety first and then go back to outline? Or do we outline and track the characters as we go?

Scribhneoir said:

Are we supposed to read it in its entirety first and then go back to outline? Or do we outline and track the characters as we go?

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Your choice. Whatever works for you.

I snatched up "Venus on the Half Shell" by Kilgore Trout (Philip Jose Farmer)
I was amazed to find it in the "Take a Book!" Free box. It's been reprinted more times than the bible.

Scribhneoir said:

Okay. Found a "magnificent bestseller" from 1988 that I've never heard of, though the author is a familiar name. Also found eight other books I couldn't do without . . .

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See, there's the problem...

I've decided to take a look on my bookshelf and see what I've got that I "should" read, but haven't read yet.

William Craig had just arrived at his office and was looking over the envelopes from the previous day's mail delivery that Susan had handed him when he heard the phone ring in his inner office. His private, unlisted, line. He pushed open the mahogany door and dumped the letters into his IN box as he picked up the receiver.

"Bill here. How can I make your day brighter?"

"You can refuse the Oberdorff contract."

"Who is this?" Bill asked. He'd never heard of Oberdorff.

"A friend. An interested friend. Make it easy on yourself, Bill. Just don't sign the contract."

Bill reached out and pressed the button on the phone that started an immediate lock-and-trace on the call. "Suppose I do refuse the contract," he said, trying to keep the caller on the line long enough for the phone trap to do its work. "What's in it for me?"

"Maybe you stay in business," the voice said. Male. Trace of a Kentucky or Tennessee twang to the vowels, but the speaker had been living somewhere else long enough for a hint of mid-Atlantic seaboard to creep into the consonants.

"Not good enough," Bill said. "Make it worth my time."

The caller wasn't having any of it. "Remember what I said." The line went dead.

Susan walked in from the outer office a moment later, holding a sheet of paper. "Looks like it came from a phonebooth in Topeka," she said.

Bill took the paper and squinted at it. "Bet you anything it was spoofed. Could have come from anywhere. Next block over, or Moscow. No way to tell."

"You're probably right, boss," Susan agreed. "Coffee's made. Want some?"

Bill nodded, turning to his IN basket. One by one he slit open the envelopes, pulling out their contents and giving each a quick scan. Interview requests. Invoices for Old Spice. A kid's request for an autograph for a school assignment to write to 'the person you admire most.' Next to last in the stack was a letter from Oberdorff Associates with a contract inside, not yet signed. A contract to shave the Great Minsk Whale.

Susan walked in, a mug of coffee in her hand. Bill looked up. "Pack your parka," he said. "We're heading to the Arctic.

Page one of _This Razor For Hire_. The question is, as always... would you turn the page?

If I could stop laughing long enough, yes. I want to know who the guy on the phone is, why he doesn't want the whales shaved, and what he plans to do about it. Is Bill going to shave the whale because he believes whales should be shaved, or is he going to do it because he wants to flush out the guy with the untraceable accent?

Plus, I trust this writer not to bog me down in purple prose, or leave me hanging at the end of it, questions unanswered.

But isn't Bill Craig like a Senator or congressman? So then my question is, Why does Big Brother want the whales shaved?

I want to know if Susan and Bill are...y'know. Also, what colour are Susan's eyes, and is Bill a big muscular Red Adair type? I bet he is. And does he take sugar in his coffee? I can foresee a major conflict between the guy with the mid-atlantic accent (who's probably with Greenpiece) and Bill who obviously couldn't give a damn about the environment (having a hardwood door and all).

And that is unedited first draft, written as fast as I can type, as fast as I write any other post here. I had no idea when I started what would be happening at the bottom of the page. Building character as I go. That's why Bill notices the accents -- because at that moment I felt that he was the kind of guy who would notice accents. And why he had a trace button on his phone ... at that moment I thought of it (had no idea, even, when the phone rang what the caller would say).

I don't know who the caller is, or who Oberdorff Associates are, nor am I entirely sure what the Great Minsk Whale might be, or why anyone wants to shave it, or have it shaved.

The mug that Susan brought has "World's Greatest Whale Shaver" on it. It's a blue mug with white lettering. Susan herself is wearing a blue sweater, which goes well with her red hair. The door to that inner office has a frosted-glass window in it, with William Craig, Whale Shaver in black sans-serif lettering on it. The IN basket is to the right as you face the desk, the phone is to the left. The phone is black, with a row of five buttons on the bottom, under the dial (it's a dial phone, not touch-tone).

I could see all this as I was typing. There's tons more that I could see. I'm a very visual writer. All I'm doing is transcribing the movie in my head.

I think Susan is more of an associate than a secretary. I don't know if she's wearing a skirt or pants because I haven't looked yet.

This feels like a novel-length idea.

Oh -- the coffee is no sugar, two creams. Susan knows that's how he likes it.


Bill is slender, has light, short hair, and looks like he's in his late thirties. He's dressed in business casual, with tan trousers and Docker shoes. I won't mention them unless they're important to the plot.

The first sentence is a little awkward. It could benefit from another editing pass.

The first paragraph is fairly bland. By itself, it doesn't hook me.

The whole page? Damn right I'd keep reading!

James D. Macdonald said:

And that is unedited first draft, written as fast as I can type, as fast as I write any other post here. I had no idea when I started what would be happening at the bottom of the page. Building character as I go. That's why Bill notices the accents -- because at that moment I felt that he was the kind of guy who would notice accents. And why he had a trace button on his phone ... at that moment I thought of it (had no idea, even, when the phone rang what the caller would say).

I don't know who the caller is, or who Oberdorff Associates are, nor am I entirely sure what the Great Minsk Whale might be, or why anyone wants to shave it, or have it shaved.

The mug that Susan brought has "World's Greatest Whale Shaver" on it. It's a blue mug with white lettering. Susan herself is wearing a blue sweater, which goes well with her red hair. The door to that inner office has a frosted-glass window in it, with William Craig, Whale Shaver in black sans-serif lettering on it. The IN basket is to the right as you face the desk, the phone is to the left. The phone is black, with a row of five buttons on the bottom, under the dial (it's a dial phone, not touch-tone).

I could see all this as I was typing. There's tons more that I could see. I'm a very visual writer. All I'm doing is transcribing the movie in my head.

I think Susan is more of an associate than a secretary. I don't know if she's wearing a skirt or pants because I haven't looked yet.

This feels like a novel-length idea.

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That's actually about how I wrote my NaNo novel. I started with a couple of dares, and a first line, and started typing. No outline. Fifty thousand words, one month. And it turned out much better than I expected.

But I do have a problem with the visuals, because I'm mostly an aural learner. I often don't notice visual clues at all, and I have to go back and write them in, one painstaking detail at a time.